Think I'm having a blip

[Carnation]

My tummy is off too catkins.
I find not having too long a gap between meals helps. x

[Catkins]

Definitely, small and frequent.

[Catkins]

Well today was another day I was anxious about. Travelling in someone else's car to an all day meeting. My stomach was up to it's usual anxiety antics this morning, so I took plenty of water with me in case it continued. I reassured myself that I would be fine an awful lot and that I wouldn't be stranded in the little town it was held in should I suddenly become a complete mess. I used lots of distraction/relaxation techniques (predominantly breathing) and I made it through the whole meeting. I did have a few moments that I could quite happily of left the room, but I stuck with it and made it through the day. Another pat on the back.

[Carnation]

Definitely a pat on the back for that one catkins.
That was a lot to contend with. Well done catkins

[Catkins]

Thank you.

[Catkins]

Well after doing well for quite a while, I'm having a blip. I'm thinking that the stress of my course, winter, having the kitchen done, having problems with my knees and life in general has just got to me a bit. My lovely but elderly dog isn't helping either, with her frequent night crying and asking to go out in the middle of the night.

I think I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything. This year the uni work has been all consuming, there's so much of it and I'm struggling to keep up. I have an exam on the 20th and really don't know how I'm going to do it. My husband started moving our kitchen last October, and although I'm really appreciative that he's doing it (I've wanted a bigger kitchen for years) I'm done with the chaos, I feel I just need some calm in the house. He is doing it in his spare time which is why it's taking a while. My knees (patella tendon strain and twisted meniscus) have stopped me doing things physically that I want to and my meditation has been erratic which helps me relax.

This sounds like an enormous moan and I guess it is. But anxiety is hitting me hard at the moment this last night has been tough, the dog waking me up, not being able to get back to sleep because of anxious thoughts. My usual habit of reading to calm me down's not working has left me feeling completely frazzled and knackered. The thought of having to get through the day is frightening (thankfully I have a day off).

I'm not sure what to do with myself.

[BlueIris]

What you have to do is forgive yourself. This happens to all of us, so you need to show yourself some grace and accept that you're feeling anxious right now and it will pass.

Your exam is nearly a month away, so it's not a now problem. Things could be very different by then.

Sending positive vibes - message me if you ever want to chat. I sympathise on the pet thing, too, was out last night, came home late and went to bed an hour later and the cat started making these weird sobbing noises outside the bedroom door. She's not elderly, though, just spoiled and desperate for attention

[Catkins]

Thank you BI, I know it's going to be a tough day today as I've been up since before 4. I'll try and pace myself.

I know I've been doing too much lately and just trying to carry on when I shouldn't. Even going to yoga has become less pleasurable and something I feel I have to go to instead of something I want to do. In fact most things have become less pleasurable, it's like everything I do is controlling me rather than me doing what I want to do, even the good things if that makes sense.


Forgiving myself isn't an easy thing, I was even a little embarrassed to mention getting a new kitchen because I know I'm extremely lucky to be getting one and feel I shouldn't complain. I just don't cope well with change I guess.


My dog has given me so much pleasure over the years and I honestly am dreading when she goes, but the relentless waking up in the night is so exhausting and with anxiety kicking in and stopping me going back to sleep has made it difficult. Pets are wonderful though, just a pain in the arse sometimes.

[Catkins]

Another thing is I've said that I'll go away with some friends in August. Now I'm thinking I shouldn't, that I won't cope. I guess it's just part of everything just spinning round in my head. FFS it's 6 months away. What a twit!

[BlueIris]

August is a decent way away, you can file that under things you don't need to worry about yet.

I'm quietly dying today because I accidentally insulted my husband's favourite comedian to his (the comedian's) face last night. Normally I go silent and shake in front of famous people, but tonight I was uncharacteristically eloquent when he began telling me about a record shop in 80s Birmingham and I was interested, but explained it was a bit before my time.

THE SHAME.