Work stress

[BlueIris]

Will keep this short because it hurts too much to think about, but my boss is going through a weird phase right now. At our scheduled meeting today, she was so critical and nitpicking that by the time it was over, I was crying a little.

I went back to the office and really started to cry, but then she walked in on my office mate comforting me. She took me off to a side room and began explaining how everything was my fault, it was like she was angry with me for having a bad day and getting upset.

Feeling shaky and worthless now, and afraid of going in tomorrow.

Yuk.

[.Poppy.]

Oh Blue, I'm sorry. I wish I had something more helpful to say, but you are clearly a valuable member of their team and whatever your boss is going through does not change that. I imagine she came in the second time and went after you because she was embarrassed (and rightly so) as her attitude and harsh words reflect more poorly on her than they ever would on you.

Does she have a history of being difficult, or is she pretty commonly this way?

I'm glad you have supportive colleagues at least.

[Carnation]

BlueIris, I'm sorry to hear you had an upsetting day at work.
No boss or colleague should bring you to tears or make you not want to go to work.
Unfortunately it happens, it's happened to me, several times. A workplace becomes a family unit and at times people step out of line and it shouldn't happen but it does. Someone gets the brunt of it. In this case it happened to be you.
If you do go in tomorrow, remember what a great job you do and your worth. If you need to take a day off because of it, then do so without feeling guilty.
If you go in but feel you can't stay, then you have made the effort and maybe further discussion is needed at work to resolve the matter.
Please don't feel you are alone, you have support on here. xx

[Darksky]

So she saw you were upset, took you to one side and made you worse by pinning everything on you?

Is she normally like this? Companies ( bosses) do have a duty of care to employees. I say this as an ex employer and I’m sure Mrs.C will agree being the same. You can’t simply treat people like that. Maybe she was feeling guilty and therefore defensive and didn’t know how to deal with your upset. Whichever she’s very wrong.
Im glad you’ve got supportive coworkers. You may find tomorrow she will be totally different. Acting like nothing happened. You’ve done nothing wrong remember that. I hope it goes ok for you. Xxxx

[BlueIris]

Thanks, all.

Luckily she works on a completely different floor, so I should be able to avoid her for most of the day. I get the strong impression she has this image of herself as somebody who doesn't get stressed out or upset, which means that everything gets bottled up and because I'm conflict avoidant and won't challenge that, I'm a convenient target.

She's also not as good with people as she thinks she is. When she took me aside and I explained I struggled to find words when I was put on the spot and someone demanded a immediate answer, the first thing she did was look me in the eye and ask me what we could do to fix this. Of course, I just started sobbing harder.

I'm open to critique, I don't get offended by it and I always make any suggested changes even when they're difficult, but it's like other bad relationships I've had with my parents and my ex where nothing I do and no matter how much I change it's never enough. It's not always like this, but whenever something's bothering her she tends to get like this with me.

It's compounded by the fact she's made me redundant in the past, so when she asks if I'm not coping with my workload (I am, but there really is a lot) a whole other bunch of fears kick in because I've obviously never been able to completely trust her since then.

Sorry for the novel, it's not quite 5am and I'm trying to organise my thoughts.

[Catkins]

As said before she has a duty of care to you and to be honest I think she handled this appallingly. If you chose to go down that route I think you could get HR involved. I understand the feeling that that could make things worse, so you may not want to do that. Have you got a union rep you can talk to?

I'm sorry if I sound a bit militant, I just get very cross when I feel like someone, who works very hard and generally does a good job (we all make mistakes sometimes) is being treated poorly.


Anyway, enough of my rant, I hope today goes a little better, I'll be thinking of you.

[BlueIris]

Thank you, Catkins. Not ready to go down that route yet, because my boss is currently embroiled in another HR dispute with a colleague who avoids work and is consistently rude to staff and students - in other words, not the boss' fault.

I know there's been an appeal against the boss for this and I suspect I'm catching the sharp end of this because I'm an easy target. I don't want to cause her further upset and, honestly, I really don't want to antagonise her any further either.

[Carnation]

I think that's a very wise decision.
Don't throw any more fuel to the fire.
Those type of people do it to themselves anyway.
I hope you feel a bit calmer today

[BlueIris]

Thanks, Carnation. Still a bit tired and sad but gradually getting my head back together.

[Carnation]

You'll get through the day and probably feel relieved when it is over. Well done for going in, it certainly could not have been easy. Maybe a treat is deserved. xx