Employment / Job anxiety - does anyone else get this?

[Jimmy M]

Hi all,

I have been unemployed for a few months, had to leave my last job after 7 months for a variety of reasons with the main one being anxiety from a toxic atmosphere created by colleagues. Prior to that I had to leave a job after just a few weeks due to the company throwing me in at the deep end with no support causing a bit of a mental meltdown. I dont feel like either of these situations where in any way my fault and I did what I could to avoid the outcomes. These experiences have however naturally made me feel quite apprehensive about getting a new job.

One of the things I find mega difficult is leaving a job. The thought of having to approach my employer to tell them I'm leaving gives me overwhelming anxiety. I feel like I am letting them down and it makes me fearful that the conversation will turn into a massive confrontation (which I also have a profound fear of)

This irrational fear leads to horrible bouts of anxiety when applying for jobs, followed by more bouts if I get an interview and then even more bouts if I get offered the job. Its difficult to explain but it feels like a kind of mental entrapment whereby I feel like if I accept a job that I will be stuck there for ever unable to leave due to the overwhelming anxiety of having to tell my employer that I'm leaving.

I have had counselling and discussed this and I know in my rational thinking that work is not life, its just a means of putting money in the bank and most employers would just replace me in heart beat if I left without caring too much. I have been made redundant twice in the past due to work being farmed out to cheaper labour overseas, and I know in most cases in business employees are just numbers who are easily disposable or replaceable.

I am intelligent enough to be rational about all these things but the anxious / subconcious part of my brain seems to want to make my life hell at certain times by creating irrational fears.

I am just trying to find a way to overcome this fear and stop it dominating my work decisions. I would like to be able to enter a new workplace safe in the knowledge that I am fully in control of my own destiny and can walk away at any time with no repercussions.

Financially I am in a good place so leaving a job would not impact me too much in that sense. I am just hoping that the next job I get is a good fit for me and I can settle for a while without any further trauma.

I have a job interview on Monday which I am bit nervous about.

Sorry for rambling - just wondered if any of this was relatable?

[Lencoboy]

From what I perceive regarding your current situation it sounds very much like a sense of guilt you may be feeling; as if you might be assumed to be letting down the organisation you work for and you probably fear that you might get the blame if said organisation ends up going belly-up following your departure; though that's ultimately their problem and not yours.

On a similar but not directly related note, I'm rather surprised at the apparent lack of widespread outrage and furore over this latest so-called 'recession', especially as during most past decades the very slightest mention of that 'R'-word in the media often used to put the fear of God into many people!

[.Poppy.]

I can relate a bit - leaving a job is terrifying to me. I am supposed to be due for a promotion soon, but if it doesn’t happen this spring I’m going to have to leave my job of seven years as I just don’t make enough where I’m at. But it’s scary - the feeling of letting my current employers down, along with wondering where I’m going to go instead and if it will be worse than where I’m at now.

Can you compartmentalize? Just think - if you get this job, you won’t have to face quitting for awhile. If it’s a good fit, maybe even a very long while. Just consider it a problem for the you of tomorrow, but you’re focused on today.

[Jimmy M]

Hi @Lencoboy thanks for your reply. It's not so much I fear the organisation going belly up its more a fear I have of having to quit, me letting people down and me looking stupid. Maybe it would lead to a confrontation etc ...my thoughts go into overdrive sometimes!

Tbh I haven't really given much consideration to the recession. Given how the cost of living has shot up recently I'm not sure how this might make things even worse. What I have noticed is while applying for basic part time jobs there is a heck of a lot of people applying for them so it's a very difficult job market presently. This might be due in part to people taking 2nd jobs to make ends meet i guess.

[Jimmy M]

Hi @.poppy thanks for your reply it really helps. I think you are right I did used to be quite good at compartmentalising but it's something I haven't had to do for a long time. I will give that a go and try to focus on the here and now. I'm quite good with cbt challenging negative thoughts but sometimes there is a need to just park them and shift focus.

I hope everything works out with your situation, these kind of life events seem to trigger an onslaught of anxiety for me but it's only temporary at least 😀

[Lencoboy]

Hi @Lencoboy thanks for your reply. It's not so much I fear the organisation going belly up its more a fear I have of having to quit, me letting people down and me looking stupid. Maybe it would lead to a confrontation etc ...my thoughts go into overdrive sometimes!

Tbh I haven't really given much consideration to the recession. Given how the cost of living has shot up recently I'm not sure how this might make things even worse. What I have noticed is while applying for basic part time jobs there is a heck of a lot of people applying for them so it's a very difficult job market presently. This might be due in part to people taking 2nd jobs to make ends meet i guess.

I'm rather flummoxed as to how relatively laid back most people in this country seem to be about this current economic situation, unlike in most past decades when there used to be a fair amount of social unrest and the like, but (for better or worse) it seems that most people tend to just tut and shrug it off instead these days as if nothing much is wrong.

Perhaps it's more myself who's a bit old-school (nearly 47) and also a bit out of touch with a lot of modern-day social trends?

[.Poppy.]

Lenco, I can’t speak to your side of the ocean, but over here I think people are just tired. If you’re working 2+ jobs to make ends meet, it doesn’t leave a lot of time or energy for protesting or fighting for change (which is probably the idea). I know they sometimes try to organize strikes or walkouts but that really only works for Union workers who will still have health care (and sometimes a little pay, I think) when on strike. Everyone else just gets fired and then they’re in hot water, so they just can’t participate to begin with.

People are also pretty disconnected from each other. You have to have community in order to organize.

[Lencoboy]

Lenco, I can’t speak to your side of the ocean, but over here I think people are just tired. If you’re working 2+ jobs to make ends meet, it doesn’t leave a lot of time or energy for protesting or fighting for change (which is probably the idea). I know they sometimes try to organize strikes or walkouts but that really only works for Union workers who will still have health care (and sometimes a little pay, I think) when on strike. Everyone else just gets fired and then they’re in hot water, so they just can’t participate to begin with.

People are also pretty disconnected from each other. You have to have community in order to organize.

I think that's probably the crux of it Poppy; the general lack of collective social conscience.

But I guess a lot of it is to do with our increasingly fragmented media landscape (on both sides of the Atlantic), unlike in the 'olden' days when and where most of us consumed pretty much the same media and nearly everything wasn't 24/7 and increasingly globalised like now, where stuff can easily disappear into the ether and then quickly forgotten about.

I don't think most people on the whole are inherently more selfish and uncaring than ever before; they're just more overwhelmed than ever before with the constant bombardment of pretty much anything and everything jostling for our immediate attention.

Little wonder our attention spans are up the creek with all this excessive 'information overload'!