My anger has never been this bad

[WiredIncorrectly]

I'm so angry. For lots of reasons, but the main one is my brother. I hate him. He has taken the piss out of me.

He came down 2 weeks ago to stay until 28th. He asked if he could sleep on the sofa until then. I said sure, but you'll have to pay for your own food and give me a little money towards internet, and heating. We agreed on 100.

To date he's paid for nothing. He expects me to cook him food. He uses my stuff.

I'm poor. I have to budget my money to make sure my bills are paid and I eat. I don't have spare money. He has over 7,000 in his bank and he works. Yet, he's expecting me to use my food and money to feed him.

I'm angry. I haven't said anything because he's 28 and not a child and I shouldn't need to. Instead, what I've decided is after the 28th I will cut him off completely. After he's gone I never want contact with him again. Because like I said he's not stupid. He knows what he's doing.

I had to come to my ex's this weekend because I have dentist appointment tomorrow in my old area. Plus my other brothers kids were here and she asked for some help.

My brother followed me here, and now he also expects my ex to feed him. He hasn't bought any food since being here either.

He's taking the piss out of me, and my ex. Inside I want to tear his head off. That's why I'm staying silent because my mouth has no filter. When I see red I lose control. So I avoid that situation I'm just putting up with it.

This is the same brother that stayed with me last year during the breakup and did the same thing then. I promised myself I would never do it again, and here we are.

It's been many years since I hated somebody this bad.

[Carnation]

It's difficult when it's family, or a close friend.
Hate is a strong word and strangely love & hate are closely linked. You've heard of the expression a 'love /hate relationship'. In your case he is turning a blind eye to the way you feel. You are right, he is not stupid and taking advantage of your kindness. But this is probably the way he is and has been for sometime.
The only thing I suggest is maybe you suggest he gets a takeaway for you all, leaving him to foot the bill. You can do this several times. You could throw in that Monday or whatever night is usually takeaway and it's his turn to pay.
You could also ask him to pop out and get milk, bread, butter etc leaving him to pay again.
If you don't want to tackle this head on with a argument the best thing is to keep throwing hints.
Mention during the conversation with your partner that money is running short or we've got to cut down on the shopping list. Make a joke about not having any visitors stay over in the future because it's too bloomin expensive! If he stays too long, make a comment about putting his name on occupancy list.
He's your brother, that's why it's so difficult and he probably uses that to get a free ride.
Full on confrontation could severe the relationship for good, so be as clever as him. Give him small portions and say that's all we can afford, ask if he is going shopping and ask for items you want, get that takeaway that you send him out for. He'll soon get fed up and take the hint.

[WiredIncorrectly]

I've no time for these games. It's not the first time. Genuinely I hate him after this. He caused me so much anger when he left me without bread and milk that I punched my laptop screen.

I have my other brother staying with me while he goes through a relationship breakdown. He works, and he pays me towards the bills. He doesn't use anything of mine, and eats out. He didn't need to be told this, because he has respect.

The brother who is doing this isn't stupid. And he is fully aware of what he is doing. I can't let that go. When a person uses me like this knowingly there is no room for apology.

I'm going to leave my ex's today to a hotel. I can't afford it, but it will allow me to escape him. And then I will tell him over the phone why I've left and that I want him to leave. Today.

He's burned the bridge now. Twice he's done this. And coming to my ex's expecting her to feed him is bang out of order.

Honestly I never want to see him after this. He is no benefit in my life whatsoever. All I've done is offer him help, and all he's done is abuse that and take from me.

Ran out of toilet roll the other day. I asked him to get some. Instead he text my other brother and asked him to get some! When he used all of the milk I asked him to get some and he didn't so I had to.

I didn't eat for 3 days because I didn't want him to expect food. So if I didn't cook, there's no expectation of that. He didn't eat for 3 days and instead ate all my bread!

I'm done. Hate is a strong word, and I genuinely hate him for this. I have other brothers and non of them would ever do this to me. They are all aware of what he's doing and were going to step in, but I told them to leave it because at 28 you don't need to be told.

[Carnation]

I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing this wired

[Lencoboy]

Sounds like that brother of yours is a serial 'taker'.

Like I said to Peter A in another thread on Saturday, who has been having similar issues with his sister (and the 'law') some people are just freaking barstewards, especially towards us Auties and seem to revel in treating us like we're worthless sh1te!

[Peter A]

If your brother receives benefits, he should be budgeting better so he can afford to buy his own food. There's a lot of ways to eat cheap but healthy.

He could stock up on rice, pasta, and tinned fruit, for example. And if he is well off with his money, there's no reason to not be able to get himself fed. Sounds like he's just lazily using you to carry out chores he could be doing himself.

[WiredIncorrectly]

He works, he earns a good income. There's no excuse for what he's doing. But not long left now until he leaves. I will never invite him back again. That bridge has been burned.


Everybody has episodes of anger in life. That's normal. But, when the anger is 24/7 and the anger is over trivial issues ... there's a problem.


Every day I battle this, and it's torture. I hate feeling how I feel. I hate being in a constant battle with my mind.


It feels like a huge weight on my shoulders, and when it builds up I struggle to breath. It makes me so tired. The only way I can get rid of it is to sleep.


I've spoken to my mental health practitioner about this. She didn't seem interested and put me on 200mg Quetiapine. I now have to wait another 3 months for my next appointment to discuss if anything is changed.


It's deliberating. It's affecting my day to day living.


Last week I punched my laptop after my brother ate all the bread. That's broken. I am banned from a shop in my area because the cash machine never works. I tried to talk to the lady about it, but my mouth ran away with itself.


Yesterday I was a crossing the road and car was coming down the road too fast. So I stopped in the road. I made the car the stop. And then I shouted obscenities to the driver. He drove around me shouting something from the window.


Right now I feel like menace. And I don't even want to feel this way.


The anger and rage grips me. I can't control it. I'll get a vibrating feeling in my head, and at that point I know I've lost control. Whatever I do after that I don't think about.


Progressively I'm getting worse. I am telling the correct people. Begging them for help. But there's nothing.


I fear that may do something I regret.


The only away to avoid these situations is to not leave the house and to avoid people. And that is all I can do.


I do not enjoy living in this way. I do not want to be this person. But I don't know how to escape.


My brother is leaving on the 28th. But I don't think his issues are the reason I'm the way I am. Because if it's not him, it'll be something else.


I've had enough and I often feel like it would be easier if I wasn't here. Easier for me. Easier for the rest of the world. When I'm in an episode of rage I feel like grabbing a sharp object and just hacking away at myself. It's the only thing that provides that immediate relief. But I'm fighting not to do this.


This is one of the worst states I've ever been in.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Just to add, these feelings of anger towards those I love will pass. I won't stay mad at him forever. I feel awful for feeling the way I do. I just want whatever is going on in my body to stop. I want to feel peace again. Negativity and anger is no way to live life.

Today I'm going to make a list of all my stressors, and see what I can do to cross some of them off the list.

One of my problems is not being able to speak to people. I know for many it's simple to speak to a family member and resolve this. But for me it's not simple. I fear I will upset people and make them feel negative. I don't like the thought that anything I say will make a person feel negative. Ironic isn't it, because clearly when I lose control I have no problems making people feel negative.

The blame is on me for not speaking up. I've always had a problem speaking up. I struggle to ask people things. If I need help I'll never ask somebody for it, I'll just expect they can see from how I'm feeling. But in reality they can't see. They can't tell.

Fundamentally I need to learn how to ask for help, and talk about my problems, in a way that will not cause problems.

I spend hours thinking about what words I can use to tell my brother that I can't afford to feed us both. But I never come up with the right words. Anything I think of, I think it's too "rude", or will make him feel negative. So then I scrap the whole idea and just wallow in anger.

Some stressors:

- Being overcharged for electric and gas. My bill was 240, even though I've had less baths and not put the heating on once. Been told to submit a meter reading. I could only afford to pay 200 this month so I'm in 30 debt.
- Having to go to the dentist to have work done on my teeth. I feared this appointment for weeks. I had the work done yesterday, so that's no longer a stressor
- Having to go out tomorrow to play snooker with my brothers. I really don't want to. The anxiety is crippling me.
- Having 2 of my brothers staying with me. I really like my own space and being alone. One brother is fine, the other eats my stuff.
- Having to go to ex's next weekend to look after her dogs/house while she visits her ill grandad up north.
- Downstairs neighbors constantly arguing and fighting very loud all day.
- Downstairs dog barking non stop from 7am until 10pm.
- Not sleeping well
- Not eating properly

... There's more but those are the things that are always on my head. I know a lot of these stressors are not helping my situation so I need to do something to try remove some of these from my list.

Talking about this openly has really helped me. And thank you to the kind person who sent me a PM. What you said truly helped me think differently about this.

[WiredIncorrectly]

He went to town today so I sent him a message explaining about the food. A nice message, nothing bad. Just explained how it's a struggle to feed us both on my limited income and I asked if he could get his own food.

The weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

[Lencoboy]

He went to town today so I sent him a message explaining about the food. A nice message, nothing bad. Just explained how it's a struggle to feed us both on my limited income and I asked if he could get his own food.

The weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

At long last!