Hi all
I feel very anxious this morning and the more that time passes, it gets worse as my mind works overtime
All started last night. We are going out with friends this evening and my b/f is working late tonight - doing a photoshoot with this actress for her portfolio. Nothing dodgy, he has reassured me of that, as I got a bit insecure when he told me about it last week. But I didnt fly off the handle, I just gor reassurance from him without causing a row.
We are meeting our friends at 8pm and he said he would probably meet me there. I asked him if he thought the photo session would last for 2 hours and he seemed to get a bit irritated and said "well I dont know". At which point I told him to calm down and stop getting stroppy.
Later on yesterday evening I said I wanted to watch this TV program so he went into the other room to use the PC. I turned my laptop on as I wanted to email a couple of people. He came back in and seemed to get annoyed at me for having the TV on and my laptop. He said I'm either watching the TV or using my laptop. I asked him why he was so annoyed but he said he wasn't - he looked annoyed to me (had a right face on him!) but instead of keeping on asking, I let it go. If he's annoyed he should tell me instead of sulking. I can understand he might have been irritated but he just seemed overly moody.
So I had attempted not to dwell on it. This morning however it still played on my mind, why had he gotten so irritated at me asking how long he was going to be? I wasnt trying to keep tabs, I just thought it would be nice if he came home first and we went and met our friends together. And also the TV thing
Now my mind is working overtime and I feel anxious. I was waiting for the bus into work and opposite is a florist. They had a display for Valentine's Day in the window. My mind started wandering and convincing myself that my boyfriend would probably forget or not arrange anything.
We are going to the cinema tomorrow together (just us) which will be nice but I kind of wanted to spend the evening just with him. We hardly ever go out on our own. But one of our friends mentioned the pub so my boyfriend suggested we go there afterwards.
I know its all triggering my feelings of low self-worth. I assume my b/f will not bother with anything on Valentines Day simply because I dont see myself as worth bothering with. The fact we dont go out a lot on our own gets me down sometimes too as I wonder why, and it makes me think he doesnt want to spend time on his own with me. We always seem to end up in this certain local pub and I dont want to be in there all the time.
I would have liked to have spent tomorrow evening on our own but looks like we are going to meet up with friends. I dont want to upset my boyfriend by tackling the issue. But then, I'M not happy and I put that to one side.
Just feel really cr*p now, I want to cry and just feel on a downer in general. All because my b/f got a bit moody and I've taken it totally to heart
Do you guys think I should suggest going out with him next week, on our own? I'm kind of frightened to ask, I feel like I SHOULDN't ask. Which is ridiculous.
Edit: I've just reread this post and it sounds very confused and all over the place - feeling insecure and now wanting to go out with my b/f on my own. But I guess that's just how I feel. I think this "going out on our own" issue has been bothering me for a while.
xxxxx
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