people just dont understand

[joannap]

hi helen

i am very lucky in that my mum and husband totally sympathise with what i have been through but that they still say they cannot imagine what it must be like - it is very difficult to put yourself in other people's shoes so i am sure your family just have no idea of what a nightmare anxiety can be. Some people also find the idea of anything "mental/emotional" a bit of a stigma and just don;t know how to deal with it.

You are bound to take everything personally because of how sensitized the anxiety makes you feel. i think you should explain everything to them as best you can and then like emmas says - try to focus on your own recovery. i only really started coming on in leaps and bounds when i decided to take charge of my recovery - i still talked to my mum if i felt terrible but i decided not to let anxiety beat me or stop me living my life - that i was going to allow it to be there but not hold me back. I am now back to living a full life - i have my wobbles but i just let the symptoms come back if they want - accept them and they soon pass. i hope you can reach this stage too.

At the end of the day anxiety/depression is a selfish illness in that we forget that those around us have their own problems/may be looking for support. This is not to make people feel guilty but the very nature of our condition makes us look inwards and focus on ourselves. why not tell your parents about your panic etc and then really try and see the journey back from the hospital as a challenge - think "so what i panic and dad has to stop the car - what is the worst thing that can happen to me?". this is exactly the method i used for my recovery and if i felt anxious i simply let it wash over me until it passed - anxiety can only build if you let it. xx

[helenclaire]

Hi,
just wanted to let you know that i managed to go with my mum to the hospital this morning, hubby managed to get time off work so he drove.
Felt fine going as it was early and still quite dark and i am better in the dark.
Had to take a lift to the ward which i was not happy about, started to feel a bit wobbly when walking through the ward.
Waited with mum while she had her pre-op assesment but felt really uneasy and had to sit down a couple of times, this really got to me as i felt fine all the way there.
Anyway trip back was not too bad but still felt wobbly and shaky thinking about how i felt in the hospital.
Nobody knows how i was feeling as i never tell anyone because i think if people started fussing i would feel worse.
Anyway i went, just feeling disappointed that felt bad while i was there.
Helen

[AceR1mmer]

People cant understand fear unless they too fear it

[PUGLETMUM]

dear helenclaire, you need to stop right there!!!! i will not allow you to be negative about going to the hospital!! NO NO NO NO NO. you are not allowed to do that to yourself! if you want to get better, be proud that you went, not depressed that you felt rough! what did you expect? to feel perfectly calm and relaxed and 'normal'? how posssibly could you when you have a phobia and fears and anxiety and panic???? when you first start exposure to things that youve been avoiding or when you do things you dread, you have to change this negative attitude or you will never get better!!! congratulate yourself for the effort you made and set your sights on your next challenge - anxiety will not just dissapear overnight, and it is often a hard, scary, lonely road back to health - but have faith in yourself and you will do it! beat yourself up like this and i can guarantee you will remain trapped and fearful - beleive me coz i did it to myself for years!!! now you have to accept the physical symptoms but mentally you have to support yourself you are brill for going and that is all there is to it! well done you take care emma, btw i can prove that this attitude helps because this last year i have made more progress in my agoraphobia journey thatn in any other year in the past 9!!! and all because i stopped beating myself up and came to love myself - if you dont you wont feel the need to get better? but if you do love yourself, you start to say 'hang ona minute anxiety, what about me? i dont want to avoid life, i want to be out there with everybody else!' and you start to take back control, instead of anxiety controlling you. please dont waste precious recovery time beating yourself up because you didnt feel 'okay', you were very very brave to do this and you should be very proud of yourself. i think youll have the message by now

[sheba2]

Dear Helen. boy do I know how you feel . I sometimes feel it is our nearest and dearest who are least understanding of all. I have let others bully me into doing so many things that I didn't feel comfortable with and in the end my stress levels were so high I felt on the edge of complete physcal and mental breakdown. Now I just say no. If your mum really needs you you can reevaluate whether you go or not but for now if you can't then that is it. Don't feel guilty because they don't understand.