Im so proud of myself i went out today, i had to go to the gps. Before i went out i said to other half when he came around i may not be able to do this as i was shaking like a leaf and in the loo for an hour (sorry) and i felt so sick.
So other half dropped me off in the cab while he popped to his mothers. I was scared sitting in the waiting room but after a few mins i was called in. I like the person at the gps behind the desk as she knows me as im in each week and always makes me feel relaxed. The GP was poo trying to blame things on my depression i will be glad when my gp is back in march. As i have had dizzy spells and sickness for a good month yet it is depression.
When i came out other half was still not there, i am so mad at him for this as he knows i need someone with me when im out so i started to feel dizzy, sick and could not stop shaking so i called my mum. Who talked to me while i waited for other half to come she even called his mother on her house phone to say where are you? for me as i could not do it as she is horrible to me. So there i was trying not to cry and break down, i felt like a child in some ways and such a baby. The whole time i waited for him my mum kept me talking, without her it would haev been worse. I seem to always call her and it helps me.
After he turned up we walked across the road to Morrisons and i did a food shop i have not done this in month, it was really nice to do my own food shopping. I was still scared when i was out but i kepted thinking look forward not back and saying to myself breath breath relax. It is funny how i have a little chat with myself in my head when im out lol Makes me feel mad on times but im told im not.
I am so happy that i went out, i still cant beleive i did it in the end. I know it is wrong to say but im glad i dont have to go out again till friday when i go back to gps to see a diff person about my panic attacks etc.
It is weird as much as i want to go out on times i just cant do it. I miss the outside world on times yet it is so scary im glad i dont have to face it. Im now so zzzzzzzzzz now. Anyway i have gone on enough just wanted to share my day with you all xx
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