Confidence Is Everything

[Bill]

I wouldn't mind betting that everyone on here suffers from a lack of confidence. Would I lose my bet?

When we lack confidence, it only takes a small knock for us to start looking on the negative and start beating ourselves up for failing.

They always say in football that a striker thrives on confidence and a team thrives on winning. If a striker keeps missing or the team keep losing, it becomes a habitual way of thinking that things will always be the same.

However, they have a determination to win and that strength keeps them going in the hope and knowledge that things will improve. They just need that one goal or one result to boost their confidence.

Once confidence is restored, the striker keeps scoring goals and the team keeps winning because confident thinking has become a new habit. They then feel unbeatable.

Anxiety is Exactly the same. If we keep thinking things will never improve then they won't but as soon as "a goal" is scored, our confidence will start building which in turn then defends us against knocks which we are then able to brush off and keep moving forward with a new determination.

Often we can't see how to start winning but the answer is Always there hidden within the dark cloud of anxiety in which we live. Often all we need is to "see" the glimmer of light within us and to focus on it rather than the black cloud so that it draws us out from our darkness.

One small "goal" scored will lead to more providing we focus on what we Can do and not on what we Can't do. Eventually the "cannots" then become "cans". How often do you say to yourself, "I just CAN'T do this?" How often do you say to yourself "I FAILED to DO this?"

Determination is just One thing that we need because if we fight in the "wrong" ways, we'll never win. Sometimes we "fight" to try to "stop" how we feel by creating barriers but these just keep us tense. Confidence can only be built by lowering barriers to experience what we fear. Once we realise there is actually nothing to fear because they are just the way we're thinking then a goal is scored and our confidence starts to build.

How can a player go back onto a pitch after once breaking their leg? Because they have determination to keep fighting and confidence within themselves to not let it worry them excessively.

I know this sounds simplistic when I know anxiety is complex and it takes more than just one thing to defeat it but if I went into everything, you'd be asleep!

Give yourself one "small" goal using the "right" approach and watch your confidence build......then keep building your confidence.

[Lilith1980]

I agree confidence plays a big part when it comes to anxity. When I am feeling less confident, which I am at the moment, I feel so much more anxious.

The trouble is, my confidence levels also interfere with my self-motivation. If I feel low on confidence I dont see how I will ever achieve my goals and therefore I lack the motivation to move anything forward.

I have a few goals I can think of, one being setting up my own business but its such a slow process. Partly this has been due towards the "red tape" associated with getting grants and funding, but I think mainly its because I havent gotten up off my butt more often and done stuff. But I find it hard when I doubt that I will be successful, and I then end up delaying things and putting them off.

Maybe I need to break down the setting up of my company into smaller chunks and aim for one goal at a time.

Jo xxxxx

[chalky]

Hi Bill,

Great post!!

Tiny acorns grow into great oak trees.
Lilith's reference to breaking things down into smaller tasks is a great way of building confidence.
Sometimes the future can be very hard to face as we tend to think of the big picture.Sure,major things happen and have to be faced but determination to deal with things one day at a time can prevent us becoming over-whelmed.
We can take this right back to the bible where the example of a house built on solid foundations is expounded.If we take the time to do the basics right then everything else will flow from that.
We also tend to forget how strong we have been-take 5 minutes to think about all the troubles we have come through.
Where did the strength to cope come from?
Are we not stronger mentally and physically than we think?
I often see people here saying "I can't cope", "will this never end","I can't take any more".
The thing is though,that they do get through and they continue to provide support to others here at the same time.
We are truly amazing people.
Best wushes,
Chalky

[dianes]

Hi Bill,

I agree with you and the posts. I used to constantly think about all the things I couldn't do and all the things that I wanted to do. I found what helps my confidence is to set myself REALISTIC goals, write down each goal, break it down and go for it everyday. I number the anxiety level from 1 - 10 and keep doing it until it becomes a 1.

I keep a daily diary on what I have achieved everyday e.g how I did on my goal, housework, walking, what fun I had, etc. etc. When I am having a bad day, before the negativity kicks right in, I sit down and read back over ALL THE THINGS I HAVE ACHIEVED this helps me enormously with my panic/agoraphobia.

Good luck to everyone

Diane

Your imagination is always much worse than the reality.

[sheba2]

Bill I love your posts.

they are so thought provoking and somehow calming. When I started counselling last year I was full of I cant do this or that. My counsellor spent ages with me making me change the language I used from I can't to I choose not to. I also was asked to keep a log of all the things that I managed to do and this I found really difficult at first because I always put a BIG FAT BUT in there. eg I managed to go into Tesco's BUT I only lasted a few minutes and had to come out again. It was as though I couldn't recognise my achievements and the BUT undermined my confidence. Now I look back on all the things I have achieved over the past few months and I say WOW well done me.

It is amazing how confidence grows with positive thinking.

[Bill]

Thank you Sheba ,

As you all rightly say, we should be reminding ourselves Every day of all the things we've achieved And all the things we've attempted to achieve rather than focussing on negative thoughts.

Sometimes though it's also the people who surround us who either keep us feeling bad about ourselves or who are uplifting.

I think it helps So much to have people who we feel understand us and who constantly remind us of our good points which is one reason why I think this site helps people so much.

I feel Quite Sure that if anyone on here got lost in the middle of nowhere they'd find their way out and yet when they did, they'd focus on the fact they got lost rather than their strength in getting out!

We are All much more capable than we realise or give ourselves credit for. We just need to prove it to Ourselves by facing fears gradually to realise.........and that's how we build confidence and start to feel good about ourselves as you are already proving!

[pips]

Fantastic post Bill,

Thanks.

Take Care,

Love Pip's X