Firstly I wanted to say hello, and thanks to the people who've advised other women on breast issues here, as reading the posts both calmed me down and prompted me to join.

I'm now back down to feeling less worried again, but am also feeling a bit isolated and want to get some stuff out before I take myself off for a long walk and some much needed fresh air.

I first found a lump in my left breast when I was 26 - the armpit side was very hard and a little tender at times. I had ultrasound and nothing showed up at all, despite there being a large palpable area, and they said it was just breast tissue. When I was 32 I found a lump just above my right nipple maybe 2cm in diameter, that my GP suspected was a cyst. Again I went for ultrasound and again nothing showed up. The consultant diagnosed 'lumpy boobs' and suggested evening primrose oil.

A little frustrating that not even a benign object was found as I then had no idea what I was looking for, and the consultant confirmed I felt full of lumps in both breasts.

September 2006 I became very unwell mentally after a horrible experience with a man I met online - hypomania, lost 7lb in a couple of weeks (I was only 8'5 to start with), and such bad anxiety I spent an evening in hospital being checked over for a suspected heart attack. The consultant did express slight concern over the hardness in the side of my left breast but I mentioned I'd been scanned years ago.

Several days later I started with a lot of pain in my left breast, armpit, inside of my upper arm, left shoulderblade and neck. My armpit looked swollen and I couldn't bring myself to examine my breast. My GP thought it was stress and muscle/nerve issues but didn't examine me - I said I was too anxious to be touched, and told me to come back in a few weeks if it hadn't improved. The pain reached a peak within a week, feeling for a few moments as if someone had stabbed me through my nipple, and then although I still ache on and off, it has never been as severe since.

It was several months before I could bear to go back, and by that time the pain seemed in cycle with my periods and easing right off the week after my period started. Again she didn't examine me but thought pulled muscle and fibrocystic breasts.

I still get the pain, if much less so some months, but I'm now completely divorced from my breasts :( I have worn a bra 24/7 for nearly 18 months and hardly touch my breasts at all. My partner has only 'experienced' them a few times in the year we've been together.

I quit smoking 6 months ago and started taking 1000mg starflower oil, hoping it might help, and I think that it has slightly, although I've had some rough detox symptoms and my lymphatic system has always been quite reactive.

I suspect for my peace of mind (if not my physical health) I need to first examine my breasts properly, and then ask my GP to refer me for an ultrasound, but I keep wimping out of it. If I could get U/S tomorrow I think I'd do it, but I'm not able to face what can be a 3-6 week process (I've been off work with mental health issues for years and now I'm trying to get a job and having interviews)

Sorry this is really long!