You know you have a Panic disorder when ........

[louwilliams]

Hopefully this will make you smile-we all need to laugh at ourselves sometimes.........

you know you have a panic disorder when:

When you're having a PA and people talk to you and you get so annoyed and angry at them for making your symtoms worse.

rationalizing crashing your car on the way to the airport as a means of getting out of going on that flight.

you have a PA and need to go to public bathroom, but leave bathroom door unlocked so they can get to you easier when they find you

even though you have had one million PAs and you survived every single one, you know that this one is different, this one is the real thing

Check every ache and pain you have on the internet, even if you have to get out of bed in the middle of the night to do it. And just know your going to die from something and no one will really listen to you because your a professional "doctor goer" and you really blew it by being so obsessed with your health.

you burn something on purpose while cooking just to make sure the fire alarms are working.

you want to move house so you can live closer to the hospital

you want everyone who doesn't understand to have a panic attack so they would understand and quit calling you a hyperchondriac

you enter your local supermarket, only to find they have rearrange everything & you quickly turn around & leave

The person in line in front of you is digging through their purse for the correct amount & you offer to pay the difference to get them out of the way.

You consider just throwing the girl at the till a £20 note for a £1.99 item & telling her to keep the change as you make a break for the door.

You walk out of the store with the receipt visible in your hand so when the alarm does go off, you won’t be accused of stealing.

Close your eyes & grit your teeth everytime you exit the store praying the alarm doesn’t go off (even when you have nothing to set it off) & of course breath a sigh of relief upon entering the parking lot like you’ve really accomplished something.

Forgetting to buy everything you needed at the store because you were in such a hurry to get out of there

You ask co-workers about their Firstaid skills just in case you go down

Wondering how much those defib. Machines are & if having one in your house would be a little OTT

You keep a copy of your medical Records beside your bed for the paramedics. Also you keep a Medication List & who to call list (with at least 6 names on it…..in case they can’t reach the others) in your wallet for when they find you laying in the street)

You have that certain someone who is to call you everyday & make sure your still alive because if you die you don’t want to decompose before anyone notices your missing

If your traveling out of your “safe zone” you get on map quest & locate all nearby hospitals that will be nearby

Your doctor, dentist, hairdresser etc. always schedules you as the first appointment because waiting is just not an option for you.

Talking face to face with someone & not having a clue what their saying because your to busy wondering if they can tell how freaked out you are.

Accepting the fact that the “crazy house” or Psych. Ward probably really isn’t that bad of a place & it really would be nice to get a way for awhile.

Telling others they just didn’t see you at a meeting, church, wedding etc. because you were sitting in the back…(of course you always ask where they were sitting first)

Having your stash of 2 or 3 “emergency pills” stored in everyroom of your house & of course your car.

Having your doctor write a new script even when you 2 refills left on the last one because you just don’t want to run out.

when you dont bother having a shower so if someone asks you to leave the house you say ill be about an hour i need to shower and do my hair

when you worry about not having afore mentioned shower because the paramedics will think you smell and laugh at you when they pick up your dead body

when you just know you are dying but its the thought of leaving house to go to A&E makes you panic more

When you know you would ace med school because you have already researched every disease known to man. But you know you wouldn't even make it through the first 10 minutes because you would for sure have whatever disease was being discussed.

You turn down a chance to go on a cruise once you were informed how long it would take to get a helicopter out to the ship to rush you to the nearest hospital.

When You Drive To The Hospital To Takeyour new meds,, So In Case You Have A Reaction You'll Already Be There

You know you have Panic disorder when you go the bathroom really fast because you dont want to be found dead like Elvis.

When you let your hair grow extra long because you are so certain that you'll pass out in the barber's/hairdresser's chair

When you would rather go through the McDonald's drive-thru alone and eat a cheeseburger than go out and eat a 20 oz steak with your friends at a nice restaurant.

When you MUST go to the bathroom as soon as you arrive at any restaurant to splash some "MAGIC WATER" on your face.

when you can't breathe because you know that in ONLY five weeks you have to give a presentation.

when you drive by a cemetery and are scared to breathe because you might inhale a ghost.

When you are grocery shoppng you have to run to the drink isle and open a bottle of water before you die.

When you drive to a different town to go to the ER so the new doctor will take you seriously

When you leave whole plates of food uneaten because it has been poisoned.

When you constantly make your husband take sips of your drink to prove to you it's not poisoned.

As soon as you see a police car while driving, you start swerving all over the road in terror because you're sure you're about to be arrested.

You take your pulse at least 45 times per hour

You worry so much that you actually worry about worrying.

you get freaked out when your pets look at you funny because they have that 'sixth sense'.

you try every position in bed you can think of until your wound up like a pretzel, just so you cant feel your heart beating

you compare your breathing/heartrate with the closest thing to you, even if it's the cat.. then you think the dogs bigger.. maybe i should try that?

you constantly ask other people what their pulses are

Please feel free to add

lou xxxxxxxxxx

[chalky]

Hi Lou,

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read your Post.
When it is written down as you have done it,so many of the things on the list appear mad,illogical and just plain crazy.Yet,when I was doing them,they appeared entirely normal and right.
Being able to identify these "behaviours" and challenging them leads to recovery.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[jodie]

well lou when you put it like that lol

all of these things i have done with my health anx and pa,s when i read your list it did make me lol but also feel sad that it gets us to a point were we feel that way .
like when we are doing ok we would never do them things yet in a moment of panic all these things seen ok to do and normal

jodie xxx

[louwilliams]

I know what you mean jodie-I must admit when I read them to myself I was splitting my sides but when you really look at it and you really know how it feels to experience those things it aint so funny. I just hope no-one takes offence at this as its only meant as a bit of a laugh at ourselves.

Personally I think if I dont laugh i'll cry and i cry enough over this bloomin thing lol

Lou xxxx

[Liverbird67]

This is brilliant, its nice to see it in a humerous context, and yes I 've felt like a lot of those things, keep your spirits up people.

Lots of love
Liverbird
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[heatwave]

Brilliant post! Loved it!

What about:

Not locking the bathroom door when taking a shower 'so they can get to me without breaking down the door when I collapse in there'.

love
Sue

[shaz01]

Hi Lou,

Loved your post!!!!

Shaz x

[sheba2]

Fantastic post lou. I want to print it off as it made me laugh so much. We have just come in from a car trip to Norfolk didn't really get out of the car much but as we drove past a hospital I noticed the house opposite was for sale and actually said that's where I would like to live. When I was really bad a few months ago I used to take the phone with me everywhere indoors so that I would always be able to phone the emergency services.

[louwilliams]

OK Here's some more

You know you have a panic disorder when:

your knuckles turn white from the "death grip" you have on the shopping trolley

You've driven yourself to A&E and lied to friends/family about where you had been so they didn't think you were any crazier than they already do.

You NEVER overtake when driving cause at any moment your gonna have to pull over and tend to that heart attack/stroke/low blood sugar.

Your Panic Attack ends just as the doctor is about to see you and you feel embarrased and a bit silly and will it to come back

You hang around in popualted areas, so when you pass out someone would be able to call an ambulance.

when youve run 2 red lights in an effort to get home as fast as possible.

you leave a fully stocked shopping trolley in the middle of the aisle after an hour of shopping cause there was one person before you in the queue when you got there

the flourescent lights at the supermarket make you feel like you took a hit of acid or something.

you always have a crossword puzzle book when driving cause you can't sit still at a red light or being stuck in traffic.

the flight attendent asks me every few minutes if I'm okay - "sure thing, honey, I'm hyperventilating and have a death grip on these armrests because I think this is fun"

When you throw your coffee/milkshake across 4 people sitting next to you on a bench, because a bee flew by.

When you are talking to someone and they raise their eyebrows and you start hitting yourself and jumping around like a lunatic, absolutely CONVINCED there's a spider on your shoulder.

When you tiptoe slowly and with stealth from room to room searching for the insect causing that buzzing noise, only to discover the next door neighbour is cutting his grass.

you check your moblies fully charged before leaving the house, incase you need to phone an ambulance whilst your out.

You run round the supermarket like your doing a trolley dash (and go home without most the things you actually needed)

Your doctors receptionist knows who you are (without you actually telling her your name)

The doc has a forklift truck to carry your medical records.

You check every 'best by date' on foods (in case you get poisoned).

You sit at work and make up these lists because your anxiety has wreaked havoc on your concentration and you're pretty sure you have ADD now too.

HEHEHE keep em comin!!

Lou xxxxxx

[Angel64]

Hi Lou, just stopped laughing from the first list, then another came along ! I shouldn't laugh I suppose, but Hey without humour I would be doomed !

Ane yes those supermarket lights, I have been sooooo good lately and so decided a bottle of sheridans was my 'treat', but walked into Tesco and it was like a runway ! and why is the booze isle always the last one, then I couldn't find the bottle, so asked a shop assistant, then I saw it on the top shelf, I must have looked strange as I grabbed it, and held it to my chest, went to the checkout with no queue, and yes I did hold the receipt up and show the 'bouncer' on the door just incase the alarm went off.

One to add, park in the parent and child because it is nearest to the entrance, but me and my mum 44 & 72, but hey who said the child had to be under 5 lol

Thanks for the giggle, take care Christine xx