Im just so confused I dont know what to do

[Needhelpnow]

Hi guys haven't been here a while but I got some trouble.

For a while now, my time at school has gone from good to almost the same problem as before. I started to recluse, don't even remember when, and now I feel so invisible.

If I try to say hi or even just have conversation, people always ignore me or just give me an ugly face then leave. I feel as though I don't have any value or usefullness to anyone. Almost as a burden. I try to ignore it but obviously that does not work.

Something else happened that I can't not explain or cope with.

Today was normal, like any other day but during the 2 to last class, I had an assembly and it was about the school yearbook, so I thought whats the big deal.

As I watch the short movie, with pictures and short clips of the year gone by, I saw the girl (Yes, the very same I had talked about in my other threads) on the big screen and she talked about what she liked most this year. As I watched, I started sweating and getting extremely nervous. I became silent as I just stared at the screen. when it ended I felt so sick of myself.


What is wrong with me? Im positive I've forgotten her, in fact I'm certain I hate her. (Sorry if harsh, just how I feel) I hate the way everything is so easy for her. More importantly, it made me realize how much I hate myself.

I KNOW I don't exist in her eyes, and I just tell myself "It doesn't matter" but whenever I am talking to my friends, she would always come up and say hi but not even spare a glance at me, I feel as unlovable, and I have only myself to blame.

More over, this is not only with her, but everyone I care about. I'm always ridiculed if I'm not ridiculed, I'm just ignored. I always see them give each other greetings and hugs and although it does not seem like it, a hug really is a big deal for me, it shows at least THEY care.But looks as though I don't qualify. I guess I'm defective.

[smudgie]

Hi there

Ive just raed your thread and im so sorry you are going through this.
Can I say something your not defective your a human being struggling with your life.
I want to send you a hug a really big one.
School for me was the worst time. I couldnt mix with people and then got picked on because of it. Its only now I look back and realise I was so full of anxiety and phobias then. Social anxiety was bad for me at school I was different from all the others. I didnt ubderstand what was wrong with me.
I would do anything to get out of school.

Do you know why you are struggling ?

it sounds like you had anxiety and perhaps panic whislt watching the video .
Anxiety can make you feel lots of things emotionally and physically.
Low self estem plays alot with people, what would you say about it?


If you want to talk to me please pm me, Im here to listen and try to help you.

Take care
Smudgie