Dreading it all & feeling terrible, please help!!!

[popsy]

Have been suffering with constant anxiety and panic attacks since mid january this year (after recovering 8 years ago from it and being well ever since). Ive had my seroxat raised up to 40mg from 10mg (not allowed any higher) and there have been times over the past few weeks when i have felt better, but there have been other times when it has been truely terrible!

My partners work have been brilliant and he has been allowed time off when i have felt i couldnt cope anymore, but it has come to a point now where he cant have anymore time off. The past week the children have been off from school and my partner has had a weeks annual leave too so mostly ive been fine. HOWEVER tomorrow he goes back to work and the kids go back to school and im sooooo afraid that as soon as he leaves me again im going to go swiftly down hill, even geting the kids ready on my own is so hard and then the school run....!
As soon as i woke up today i was feeling very anxious, cant stop thinking about tomorrow and the future and how im feeling panicy today about it all, let alone tomorrow!!!! (and the day after that and the day after that...)
When im feeling good i think my meds are working but when im not i just cant see how they can be?
I feel so panicy now and i no i wont sleep tonight...... i just want to be the confident person and good mother i once was , not this shakey mess who is such a burden on my partner.....!
I want to cry all the time but know if i start i cant stop.....
Sorry for going on and on, if you have bothered to read this far, please anyone give me some advice i really need it!!!! Please please help.....
Charlie x x x

[smudgie]

Hi Charlie

Firstly your not going on your crying out for help and thats what we are here for to help each other.

Im sorry your having a hard time of it.
Life is hard for us at the best of times but when it gets like this its hard to cope.
Do you feel like your partner is your rescurer, reason why i ask is, I treated my hubby like a rescuer and he treated me like I needed to be rescued, does that make sense. It was pointed out to us whenn we went to therapy. Its so hard to let go of support and stand on your own two feet.
You need that person by your side because they are your safety.
I may be wrong, sorry if I have.

What will you do when everyone has gone to work and school tomorrow, what is your worst fear?

Talk to us and we will try and help

Take care and thinking about you
Smudgie

[kaz79]

I sympathise with you. I get into such a state when my partner works nights and I cant sleep, then I get horribly panicky because Im tired and then I have the stress of twin 12 month olds.
I tried prozac recently and the anxiety was so bad I had to stop.
Im persevering with psychotherapy and I hope this will be the long term solution.

[bluebell68]

Hi Charlie it is horrible when we feel so low, anxiety can be so bloody exhusting! ... when i feel really really bad, which i did a couple of weeks ago, i find the thought of getting thru a whole day impossible... even tasks like the school run that i would normally do without a second thought become so hard ....... if it helps at all, i try to break the day into small slices and instead of thinking of all the things i have to do, i just concentrate only on getting thru the next one.. one step at a time.....I would also log on here cos when my anxiety is raging and i am almost paralyised with fear reading some of the posts is one of the only things that calms me down...
You are gonna be fine tho ... you are obviously a very strong lady who is having a tough time but certainly not a burden on your husband.
i know that it can feel that way, but as a friend reminded me recently when i felt the same as you...... when our kids are poorly we don't feel like they are a burden to us, we love them and care for them and just want to help them feel better as quickly as possible and im sure that is how your husband feels cos he obviously loves you very much....
You are gonna get thru this, you have done it once and you will do it again... i just know it ....but allow yourself a little more time, be kind to yourself cos you are doing absolutely everything you can to get better, and you will...
Take Care xxx

[leisa]

hi charlie i can so relate to ur pattern of anxiety,i 2 was exactly like u dreaded my partner leaving me,as soon as his alarm went off id b sick with fear,i really thought i coulnt cope then he used 2 take me 2 sit at my moms from 6.30 in a morning till 5 at night when he picked me back up when he finished work,this did this for about 4 months nearly everday,then with therapists i did eventually regain some normality,but we did move nearer my parents! that was over 15years ago & now i prefer 2 b on my own i still am fighting panic ect,i do belive theres light at the end of this very dark tunnel but im yet 2 see it but have good days n bad 1s

[popsy]

Thank you so much for your posts they really help
I have successfully just completed the school run, had a huge panic attack about half an hour before we left, but just carried on through it as i was determined to take my children to school! My anxiety is still very high, but at least i did it.....dont know how long i can go on fighting like this but what else is the alternative, life goes on......
Thank you all again, im so glad i have found this site, i will try all the tips you have suggested Thank you thank you thank you
Charlie x x x

[mandie]

Well done for doing the school run hun.

I managed to do mine this morning to without an attack.

However have come to work and its all starting again :(

love mandie x

[popsy]

well done on school run too mandie!
Poor you having to be at work, im at home and not doing much better, cant stop crying and feeling desperate and panicy, convinced now my 40mg of seroxat cant be doing its job, its the highest dose im aloud from my gp and i shouldnt still be feeling like this after 3 months, scared to change to another med though as i couldnt bear to feel even worse especially on my own at home during the day, i feel so trapped and just want my husband home from work, but he's done that so many times over the past three months its come to the point where i cant ask again. am trying to pull myself together, but its so hard....i know you understand, sorry to moan but it helps just telling someone.
take care c xxxxxxx

[mandie]

Aww C

I know exactly how you are feeling.

Im sitting here at work crying, my medication is not working and like you I am scared to try any other meds incase i end up feeling worse.

You are not moaning, we are all in this together

mandie x

[smudgie]

Hi Charlie

Im so glad you did the school run.

been thinking about you i know it wont go away and you still have all the tasks to deal with but i hope by talking with us you can express how your feeling and perhaps gain some comfort that your not alone.
Take care of you
Ness