Anticipatory anxiety re; School Appeal

[freakedout]

Hi I am having a particularly neurotic time.

I feel sick, nervous, stressed and to be honest scared about an school appeal hearing I have to attend in May. I know this anticipatory anxiety business is 'fear of the fear', and it is hideous.

I got the letter this morning, there are two hearings, one with the school representative and ALL the other parents (OMG OMG OMG!) and then another one, another day, with my hubby and the independant appeal panel which includes three men and the appeal clerk (OMG OMG OMG).

I know I will lose it. I have successfully managed to avoid most of the situations that cause my panic attacks and they have reduced quite significantly as a result. I know I am my own worst enemy because I anticipate the worst scenario and will stress myself out about this until it is over.

Its all those people, arghhhh, its being in a confined space with the door closed, its having to sit down in a crowd, its having to wait in a waiting area with people, to speak to the panel, I will feel trapped and I will feel like I am going to choke to death or make a ridiculous fool of myself. I want Harry Potter's invisibility cloak, or Dorothy's red shoes ("theres no place like home"), or even better, let me disappear into a puff of smoke like the wicked witch of the west (OK so I have been watching too much children's TV!!).

I try to focus on why I am going; I want a better high school for my son, he deserves it. The rational part of me knows that the meetings will not take too long, but meetings, or groups are my worst nightmare. I can cope shopping (until I get in a queue) because I keep moving, but being in a meeting takes me back to my horrible panic attacks when I was working, and when I was at Uni.

I could do with sleeping until the day, I have diazepam I could take on the day but really I need to be attentive, not slurring my words, besides Diazepam will not stop me from feeling panicky, it might take the edge off my nerves. I will be fidgeting around like I do, drawing attention to myself, and I will be paranoid that they everyone thinks I am wierd.

Has anyone else had to attend a school appeal hearing? How did you cope? If anyone has been through this and can share their experience I would be very grateful.

Thanks,

Freaky

[Bill]

I know I will lose it.

will stress myself out about this

I will feel trapped

I will feel like I am going to choke to death or make a ridiculous fool of myself.

I will be fidgeting around

I will be paranoid that everyone thinks I am wierd

Have you noticed the most common word in the above statements??? Yep, "WILL" used in a negative manner and that means you WILL feel panicky and ill when you go into the meeting. So...........

How did you cope?.........Well, you've answered your own question.......

I try to focus on why I am going; I want a better high school for my son, he deserves it. The rational part of me knows that the meetings will not take too long.

Don't allow your fear to determine how you'll feel in the meeting. You'll only feel ill because you've convinced yourself you WILL be ill.

Instead, focus on a "plan". Focus on what you want to "say". Write it down. Use "notes". Keep your mind focussed on what you "want" for your son. Read your notes over and over to build your confidence.

Stop saying to yourself "I WILL feel ill"....say to yourself in a positive manner "I WILL be OK"......... and you WILL BE OK. You'll only feel ill if you convince yourself you WILL be ill.

Don't focus on fear. Focus on what you want to achieve and you WILL be OK.

[kilvosa]

Hi There
I went to my sons school appeal and was terrified to say the least went to first one with all the parents that was ok didnt have to say anything then had a letter through for the one with head teacher and panel members.
Well went with hubby and the head said your son had a place at our school but we by mistake put the school as second choice so you can imagine how we felt i was near to tears. The panel were lovely and made us feel at ease and we presented a good case etc
The outcome was we won and our son started last september and it was the best thing we did and the panel were great to give us a second chance as it was our fault he didnt get in in the first place .
Go for it you will be fine i wrote things on a piece of paper but really didnt need it.
If you want to pm me feel free to do so ok. Good luck and let me know how you get on.
Take care
Anne xx

[freakedout]

Hi Bill,

Have you noticed the most common word in the above statements??? Yep, "WILL" used in a negative manner and that means you WILL feel panicky and ill when you go into the meeting. So...........

I know, I am afraid it is one of my weak points, negativity, I will try to take on board what you suggest, I just wish I could share your positivity. I will have a thick wad of paperwork and a nice long (eek!!) appeal statement to read out (eek at bit more!! in the most positive way that is!!), so that is something to focus on.

Hi Anne

The panel were lovely and made us feel at ease and we presented a good case etc

That is what I hope to do, I have sent the written appeal statement in which is quite lengthy, I have done that in case I poop out on the day, I was hoping to just get away with summarising the main points of our case.

Did the panel ask you any questions? Well done for winning, I just hope and pray that we can win for our son. I will let you know how it goes and may well PM you beforehand.

Thanks to you both for your support.

Freaky