Wading through a quagmire of discomfort

[jesse08]

Last Thursday I had my incapacity benfit medical which lasted 90 minutes and was horrendous. Before I went, I thought that once it was over I'd be ok and would just have to wait for the outcome........wrong!!!!

I have been through so much emotional and physical pain since then that I am not sure where to start. I felt so exposed talking to a stranger (the GP) about myself, my "issues" and past. I felt bewildered at some of his responses. I felt vulnerable, distressed and confused.

Since then I have been even more distressed. IBS symptoms started a couple of days before the medical, so I am bloated and uncomfortable. I have felt panic, anxiety and fear; inertia, despair and numb. And a whole load of other things that I can't describe very well.

I know the intensity of what I "feel" will subside, except I want it all to go away NOW!! I am going to try and do normal things today like put the washing machine on, because all of those things have just been left for the last week. "Acting as if....", is hard but I think it's the only way forward. I also believe that what I focus on will grow and I really don't want this gnawing anxiety to become another panic attack.

So I will see what I can do today, even if it isn't much. Just being able to write how I am feeling on NMP is a real catharsis for me. Thank you all on here and I hope you all have a good day too.

[bluebell68]

Hi Jesse.... i really sympathise with you, i feel the same... im making progress but its just too slow for my liking.... i would describe everyday like wading thru treacle with wellies on ... i have already given over too much of my life to anxiety and depression and i resent giving a single moment more of my time. I think that you have done great by getting on with some chores and trying to just live your life 'normally' ......i am trying to do the same but i still get waves of panic and anx washing over me, which i find disappointing ....but i guess it will keep getting less frequent as time goes by.....i'll be thinking of you and hoping you have a good day today too... i know we are heading in the right direction and im sure we will get there in the end....
Take Care
Rach

[Hope 2]

Hey Jesse

I really feel for you . I think you have got the right attitude . Do what you can when you can eh with the chores . Glad you felt able to come here to share , it's hard sometimes especially when we feel so bad . Let us know how u r getting on if u can xx

Best wishes
Hope xx