I was much relieved to find a very detailed list of my symptoms here. Now, if i know myself from previous times, I might start thinking of the real reasons for my worries rather than made-up diseases. My brother and I, you see, both suffer from MS - the difference is that he has it, I don't. The funny thing is that, being 35 now, my chance of developing MS is well below 1%... the chance of getting, say, skin cancer is MUCH higher than that, and still I don't worry about that a second. That might be the next hypochondric project - who knows!
Well, it started with a so-called piriformis syndrom, which is a nerve compression in the buttocks that some suffer from. Imagine the terror of discovering the half my leg was numb - and I mean numb like you could put a needle into it without feeling anything. It took forever to find out exactly what was wrong. The doctors generally communicated THAT they were certain that it was nothing serious, but not WHY. Now I know: it followed dermatomes, i.e. the extent of a perpiheral nerve and it came and went. All this, no other signs on a physical neuro exam and a CSF test makes it highly unlikely that it's something central.
Anyhow... The problem is not per se that doctors are bad at communicating. I've had testicular cancer and HIV and god knows what over the years. I seems to invent new deseases as quickly as I need. The problem, I think, is a downside of civilized life: When you have real things to worry about, you worry about them, when you don't you tend to select something to worry about. I'm certain that people with real problems, provided they are still managable, have much less psychological problems by the very fact that their problems are tangible. For my part, turning thirty felt like being 18 and turning 50: That future that everything hinged on, that the plans that gave my life meaning relied on, seemed less certain. What if something came along, outside of my control, that just put an end to it all? That turned me from a person into a case-study?
For me, psychodynamic therapy is the only choice - it might be different for others. I've looked into CBT, but honestly, I invented most of those cognitive tricks myself long ago. Every time you manage to cure your symptoms, there is a chance they don't come back, so I guess CBT is a good option but very likely you have to ask yourself some deeper questions in the end. I'm a scientist and work also with scientific methodology, and for me it is clear: if someone tells you that you worry _because_ of some imbalance in your brain, they're only half-right. Modern science is horribly bad at picking out half-truths and above all it is very biased by its methods: it can measure chemical imbalances but not the dynamics of the mind on a higher level, so it decides that the higher level does not exist. This is slowly changing however.
The thing is that YES the brain is a biological and chemical machine, and depression etc. turns up as chemical imbalances. But would you accept the logic that the computer you dropped on the floor does not work because a broken electical connection on location X on the motherboard? Sort of, I guess... It's no doubt true! But it is also no doubt true that it doesn't work because you dropped the darn thing on the floor! How do you fix it? By repairing the connection or by not dropping it again? As you see, there is no real choice between these two things, they are different and complementary. The reasons why we are worrying may be unflattering and unpleasant and nearly impossible to find out. I sure haven't found it all out in my case. However, what I know is that if I just medicate myself and let myself be convinced that it is "because of a chemical imbalance" that will be my downfall in the end. One has to try to live a full life, which can be horribly hard, and only then can these so-called imbalances be gone for good.
One thing that I think that this site has that I haven't seen as well in different places is the physical manifestations of neurotic illness. I've intellectually always thoughlt that the burning, dizziness, weird taste sensations, feeling of tightness around the back and so on, were due to some sort of neurochemical overload - but emotionally I haven't completely believed it. Something always told me "Good! So you managed to fool yourself: congratulations!" But I must bow to the empirical pressure: if a lot of people manage, to independently of me, list all my symptoms in detail, then that closes the deal.
Best,
Claes
Reply With Quote
