A day in the life

[Bill]

A little while ago I posted about an orchid. I placed it on the kitchen windowsill to admire as I do the daily washing up left for me from the empty cupboards.

One morning I'm laying in my bed after yet another late night of getting to sleep after 5am when I hear a crash and I'm laying there thinking to myself "Do I Really want to know?" or shall I just turn over and try to ignore! Then the call shouts out, the blind has crashed down so I begin to panic thinking she's destroyed the orchid I treasured. The one thing that brought beauty into my dull empty life.

I "politely" ask whether my beloved orchid survived. Then the call echoes back saying yes, the orchid is fine! "Miraculous" I think to myself! Then I ask how did the blind come down. The voice from below shouts "I was trying to get a moth out the window by pulling the blind to one side to get it to fly out"! "Great" I think to myself. No wonder she pulled the blind down and nearly destroyed the orchid.

So guess who has to fix it? Yep. So I come downstairs, put it back and promptly go back to bed thinking maybe if I get up again later the day will get off to a better start! Wrong!

The cpn then calls to see her. Does what they do then leaves. When my wife comes up, I ask her if the cpn asked after me. Nope, of course not! I don't exist. I could be buried in the garden for all the cpn knows because they Never ask if the carer is ok, just as long as their patient appears to be fine!

The helper then turns up to take my wife out. Peace at last I think from hassle! My wife comes back after a walk in the fields and she says to me "Guess what?" so I ask "What?" She says they heard this cracking above them and as they moved on, a big branch came crashing down! "Damn, it missed!" I wickedly thought! (that's meant tongue-in-cheek before I upset anyone!).

Later the cpn delivers her medication and after opening it, my wife says "Guess what!". "Nah, tell me!" I ask. "They've given me the wrong tablets" she says! When I looked at the box, one side said in large printed letters "100MG". The other side where the dispensary had stuck their sticker said "25MG three times a day". On opening the box, yep, there were 10MG tablets despite the label on the box having 2 signatures including that it had been checked! Well, I thought, it's a good thing my wife is mentally aware enough to realise and not take three 100MG's tablets or she could have been overdosed by the hospital!......yeah, ok, I had another wicked thought! (tongue-in-cheek!)

So off I go to the mental health team who ignored me on their visit to point out they could have overdosed my wife and they ring the dispensary who naturally are very apologetic for their oversight! Well, they'll be hearing a little more from me!

So then evening comes, the dog's been out for his walk, he's fed and I can relax.......or can I? Wrong! My wife is standing in the kitchen by the dogs water bowl. The dog walks in after just scoffed his food down and as I've reminded her a countless number of times, Don't let him drink straight after food because water expands his tummy and yep, it all come back up!!! So yes, you guessed it. I hear the dog lapping away right beside her so I call out "You can clear it up!". Well, actually I was thinking, yep, Another job for me to do that could have been prevented! So up I get to clear up the mess and the dog's left wondering why he still feels hungry.

So I go back to relax again. Nope. My mother rings to say she's blown a lightbulb and guess who has to go and put a new one in? Yep but not today!

So my relaxation time has then gone and up I get to prepare dinner and wash up everything from the day.

Then I can relax at last because my wife is then fast asleep on the sofa for a few hours before she decides she ought to get to bed...at 5am!

No wonder my nerves are torn to shreads and I used to self harm!

Work? Lovely! It's a pleasure to get out of here......if I wasn't so tired all the time, that is!

Love, affection, hugs and all the things a "normal" husband has...what are they???

Friends.......pardon?

Hurt........oh yes, my friend........other than the dog!

Bed?....Oh yes, my sanctuary where I can live in beautiful dreams!........until the next day in the life starts all over again!

So next time you wake in a panic in the arms of your loved one, remember that at least you have their arms to comfort you and don't let go!

Sorry, I know some of you go through Alot worse than me.

Ok, moan over.

[Zingara]

It does sound tough being a carer...especially if you're like me and have to have some time on your own each day. Although it's not something I've been through myself I can still sympathise. I don't think carers get anything like enough support from outside. I'm sure your wife appreciates everything you do for her though.
Was that a typical day or an especially bad one?!!

[lesleyB]

Bill you are allowed to moan, you have alot to deal with and your problems are just as important as anyone else. We are lucky to have you on this forum you have great wisdom. Do you have any respite care for your wife or is that a stupid question?Hope you are keeping well and that your dog is still ok.
Love
Lesleyb

[milly jones]

hi bill,

we havent spoken for a while hun xx

ow i want to give u a hug hunxx

i feel really guilty for all that i put my hb thru. it must be hell living with me too.


we as sufferers are really grateful for all that our carers and friends to to make oue lives more safe and comfortable.

im sorry most of all to my hb. im such a rotten wife and mother.

he cleans, cooks tidies and never gest anything in return but tears and silence. he goes t work each day and doesnt moan. im so sorry.

i will try and learn fom u bill and ensure i say thank you to him.

i dont mean to take advantage but sometimes life is such an effort.

i too have dogs and i find them such a comfort when im struggling.

they dont judge u and give love unconditionally.

so bill, take heart hun, u will have helped another carer by ur post.
gain strength from all ur friends on nmp.

we are always here for u as u are for us.

ill never forget our early morning convo after my nightime pa thanks

mill xxx

[Under~The~Stars]

Hi Bill

I, for one, am grateful to have you on this site. You are very wise, and a lovely person

I found your thread very helpful in seeing what it is like from the "other side" so to speak. Your life doesn't sound easy You are a very strong person for doing all that you do. Many people would have given up that role long ago. Remember though that you do have choices. If things get too much, you need to take time out for yourself. There will be someone else there who can take care of your wife if you need to concentrate on you I know this is a different scenario, but I have a friend who cares for her ill mother. My friend used to be this outgoing, friendly, happy person, with bags of energy. But since caring for her mum it has taken every bit of energy she had - she is like a different person now. Respite was mentioned to her... but she said "my mum wouldn't want that". However, in all due respect, respite is not for the patient, it's for the carer We all need time for ourselves, don't take on more than you can handle. Who is looking after you?

Take care Bill

Lou x

[freakedout]

Hi Bill,

Long live the orchid.

Life is just a big pile of poo sometimes aint it?

Just think, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life, if things are so bad they can only get better! (she says, with her head in cloud cuckoo land).

Hang on in there.

I think flowers like lemonade - it may prolong your orchids life!

Freaky

[marie1974]

hi bill welldone in your post as you wrote very honest and open about your day, i don t really know wot to say as i know life is very tough for you but bill i will say if u are happy great thats fine if u are not then u can change that andi know u will probably argue that point but its true we always have choices in life, its just how much u want it. dont waste life stressing and feeling down and living just for other people, u are worth more than that, dont let all that worldly knowledge and wisdom and experience go to waste. i know u probably hate me for moaning on at you hehe but thats wot mates are for and u are a decent fella so dont let life pass u bye. ok moan over u can go now haha hugs xxxxxxxxxx

[julieb]

Thinking of you Bill, you sound such a lovely patient man and your wife is so lucky to have you!!! Try to get some time for yourself. I have agoraphobia and i'm fully aware of how much it affects my partners life too. He has said to me in the past out of sheer frustration that he is agoraphobic too by default. I've never forgotten that and constantly feel guilty for being such a burden to him. I always make sure I give him time for himself and he goes out every Friday for a drink wikth his friends and every other sunday cycling with a friend. He's also going to Scotland in July for 5 nights cycling with his mate. It kills me when he does these things sometimes as I have to go to stay with other people because I can't stay in the house on my own so I find that really stressful but I rarely tell him that, I pretend i'm fine when he asks as I can't bear to see his face and have him not go anywhere. Sometimes I get depressed with it all. Take care Bill

Ju xxx

[Pink Panic]

Hi

After reading through your post i wanted to send you my sympathies.
I agree with much of what Donna said in that we have choices etc., etc.,
Your wife is indeed very lucky to have you however the resentment towards her and her situation is very clear in your post and maybe you have to make some choices in your life to enable YOU to have some happiness.

Pink

[marie1974]

just wanted to say pink i totally agree with u and bill mayb u should think about that. always here if u need to pm me hugs xxxxxxxxxx