Sad news today--would you visit?

[jellybean43]

Hi
After having a good day yesterday with my HA(see my post) today I havent felt sooo good. I got very little sleep last night which definately makes my anxiety very high and my OH got some bad news that his aunt is very ill with cancer and in hospital having chemotherapy
I hope you dont mind me asking this but would i seem "terrible" if i didnt go to visit her in hospital?
In the past i have never not visited anyone that was ill in the family---four years ago my close friend died of stomach cancer and i sat with her til the end. It obviously made me very very sad but it never made me worry about my own health---not til now when i have HA!!!
I honestly dont feel i can go and visit her as my HA is soo bad some days(as most of my fellow posters know ---you are the ones that have kept me sane!!). My OH says not to go---he will just tell them i have a cold but i feel guilty not going.
Any advice would be really helpful.
I just dont want to come across as selfish but i am not sure i could go to a hospital the way i am at the moment.
xxxx

[Trixie]

It would be nice if you sent her a letter and a gift to make up for not going you could then explain how you feel. You wouldn't want her to think you didn't care.

[kellie]

Hiya jelly hun, plz dont feel guilty if you dont go to the hospital, you carnt help it if you are feeling the way you do and it would do you no good to go and then be scared and worried about yourself. ive not gone and seen a few ppl i know who are ill due to this reason as well. i used to feel giulty but i now think of me, as im not going to spend an hour in the hospital and then the next 2 months or so terrified that i have the same thing and drive myself insane. You have to think of you as well hun. like trixie says send her a feel better letter and some flowers and wish her luck

take care

kellie.xxxxxxxxxx

[itoldyouiwasill]

If you really feel unable to visit then you should stay away...there is no point in making yourself worse.

That said, you could actually view this as an ideal opportunity to give your fears a bit of a challenge. Health anxiety always makes us totally self absorbed, self focused and, in many ways, selfish. I am not saying you are being selfish in this specific instance but I know that when I was deep in the loop I would use my health anxiety as an 'excuse' to almost escape from the day to day demands of life.

I suppose what I'm trying to highlight is the importance of not accepting the victim mantle...it is easy to fall into the trap and once done is awfully hard to escape from as we then see ourselves as ill and more importantly demand that those around us see us as ill....this is the ultimate paradox with health anxiety as we really need to convince ourselves that we are not actually physically ill but we can easily fool ourselves further by our behaviours.

Sorry to make such a lenghty reply but just wanted to try and look at this from an angle you may not have considered. Hope all turns out well.

[jodie]

hiya

i think what Trixie said sounds like a good idea mabe send her come flowers with a little card saying your thinking of her .
don,t feel guilty about not going your right in saying it can make our ha much worse and you can only do what you feel able to right now.

jodie xx

[Emira7]

Hey jelly

We get up and get knocked down again don't we!

Anyway - a slant on things. My great uncle was in hospital similar situation, and was dying of cancer.
The thought of us visiting, and people seeing him not the way he used to be, he did not want it. Not saying that your aunt does not want visitors, but i think that there is a sense of pride there with the sufferer. I know thats a slightly off the wall comment - just something I had experienced.

I think what Trixie said is a good idea send a card and a gift. Let her know your thinking of her.

Most of all don't feel bad if you can't be there. Your thinking of her, and thats the main thing

x

[JennyW]

Hi Jelly. I'm sorry to hear your sad news, especially when things were improving for you

i'm going to put a different slant on this.

I don't think there is a wrong or right thing here as it's a very personal situation. We don't know your relationship with your aunt

If it were me then I would go; even if you only made one visit, at least you could talk to your aunt, explain your HA and how any future hospital visits may be difficult for you. If I were in hospital and my neice didn't visit me, I'd be upset, but that's me - sometimes you really do need your family around you during times like this (strength in numbers and all that....)

When my dad was in hospital, some visits there would be me, mum and my 3 brothers so at least I know that he knew how much we cared as we were all there for him.

We never know what's around that blooming corner. It's surprising how strong we can be when we have to.

Take carexxx

[jellybean43]

Hi
thanks everyone.
I have decided to write her a short letter and send a present with my husband.
It is my OH Aunt so I was feeling guilty cos i felt he may need me to go with him(If that makes sense)---however his sister is going with him as she up for a few days.I am not actually that close to her---maybe see her once/twice a year.
Thanks again everyone.xx

[worriedGrace]

I get in a terrible state worrying about my own health but when friends and family have been ill,even dying, my brain registers that this is a 'real' situation and I forget about my imagined problems and can concentrate on the person I am visiting. I often end up feeling quite guilty about my own self obssessing.