sick of this anxiety

[lilly-lou]

As you all know my daughter has been suffering from anxiety the last couple of weeks which in turn has led to my anxiety being pretty high too. I am so sick of feeling this way. I have tried to stay positive, been going out more and facing my agoraphobia but I don't know how much more fight I have in me. My emotions are up and down, most of the time I am like a bear with a sore head and very tearful. I don't want to feel like this anymore, I just want to crawl in a dark hole and never come out.

Today for the first time ever I stayed in bed and left my hubby to sort the kids out, what a bad idea all the kids where late for school the little ones not dressed and the house a tip. I am sick of always being the one who had to do everything, its all too much at the moment and I can't deal with the way I am feeling. There's no point going to the docs at this low point due to the responce I got over my daughter, all they have done is confirmed that they are a waste of time and have go no time for poeple with anxiety. I am so fed up with feeling lonely and unable to cope my mind feels like somebody is doing the washing up in it, I am so confused.

I really don't know what to do with myself and can't find a way out of this hell hole I find myself in, a couple of weeks ago I was so proud of myself for all that I was achieving now I just feel useless and unimportant and a waste of space.

I am so sorry for ranting but I really need to get this all off my chest before I explode

[lilly-lou]

As if things aren't bad enough I've just had to spend hrs in casualty as my lillte lad has broke his foot. I hate hospitals so am so wound up now, doubt if I will be able to sleep, I am so sick of this now.

lilly-lou

[marie1974]

aww lilly poor u hun and im sorry about your son, i hate hospitals too. i agree when it comes to docs and anxiety its not good but sometimes they can refer u to others who may be able to help with this but i guess not all doctors are helpful. the only way i think to deal with this is to try really hard to stick to a routine up early, breakfast, chores etc which is easy if u got kids i am like a robot lol. also as hard as it is exercise is brilliant, i brisk walk every day and morning is great cos if u feel crap u can walk real fast for half hour or so and think about all the stuff u angry and upset about and walk through it all, i find i often go out like a deranged nutter sometimes and come back feeling like i have had therapy hehe. as for housework and men etc i have the same and im sure alot on here would agree. if i am ill or out of action the whole house goes to pot and the kids have to show my hubby wots wot, nightmare. hugs

[lilly-lou]

thank Donna,

I do try to stick to a routine because if I don't I feel really wound up. I normally get up early and do the housework as mess makes me feel more anxious too. I agree that doing some exercise helps, we all go for a bike ride, I can manage this better than walking (Iknow doesn't make sence!) but we can't do that for a few weeks until my lad out of plaster and I dont feel strong enough to go by myself just yet, think I will start doing my exercise dvd, see if I can get rid of some of the adrenalin rushing around my body.

Thanks again for giving advice, I really do appreciate it

lilly-lou

[milly jones]

hunny

im like that at the mo. my son sorts himself out for school. our house is a tip. i just sit and look at the mess.

but i have found comfort here, posting when im down in despair.

ive also been phoning and meeting a nmp buddy whose been a real help in just chatting about my fears. is there anyone local who u could meet up with?

just an idea, milly xxxx

[lilly-lou]

Hi Milly,

Not sure if there is anybody local to me but it helps to chat on here, when I know others feel the same as I do I don't feel like such a freak, I think I thought I was the only person who felt the way I do but I'm not.

I keep telling myself that it is just a blip but i've got so many things on my plate at the moment I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm battling with my local LEA over my son and high school he's got special needs and has always got transport to school but because there is no language centre in high school for him he has to go mainstream with support and because of this his transport will stop. My 3 yr old starts nursery in sep so I'm worrying what if I have a bad day and I can't take him or worse still can't pick him up, I have to be at home to meet my other boy who is autistic and gets transport so cant be in 3 places all at once and my 12 yr old is having anxiety attacks when she wakes up, I just feel like I can't fight anymore and I haven't got any family to help because in there eyes if they help me then they are making my agoraphobia worse I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like giving up but I know I can't because of my kids. I am just so fed up

[diane07]

aww lilly, its a damn nuisance. its hard enough being a mum and running house without having to suffer anx and agoraphobia aswell.
i feel like that myself at the moment hun so i know exactly where you're coming from, everyone else seems to depend on me all the time and it can be difficult as i don't feel strong enough at times to cope with it all. i'm just going to my daughters new school with her she starts in sept, i have to stay in school with her for half hour which is very difficult as all i want to do is head for the exit, but hey......... i will do it because i will not allow my agoraphobia to stop me doing my job as a mum. I fully understand how you are feeling maybe we could have a good whinge together. lots of love to you and you're doing so well

Di xxxxx

[lilly-lou]

Hi Diane,

Good luck at your girls school, I have to go to nursery mon afternoon and stay there on a visit so know how you are feeling too, let me know how you get on

[diane07]

Hi lilly,
well i did it hun, the thought is always worse than the deed, and the great feeling that i feel afterwards is immense. I wouldn't mind but its one of the biggest primary schools in england i was in a playground with hundreds. hows your son? and how are you feeling?

Di xx

[lilly-lou]

Well done, its a great feeling you get after you have done something that you are really dreading. We were meant to be taking the kids fishing later but the weather has turned for the worse and my son will never manage his crutchers in the wet, oh well. think I will suggest going out for tea, don't much fancy it but my kids have missed out on doing things for long enough so I find that no matter how bad I feel I don't let them down, just want the downer I am on at the moment to end I really hate this.

lilly-lou