...I have non!
Or at least I have minimal amounts, but, I am going to try and focus enough of my depleted levels of concentration to write a topic about it (which I'm not confident about!).
This is difficult as it has been a problem of mine from day one and is not necessarily an 'anxiety problem' as such. Although I'm fairly convinced that it is related in some vague yet very close way (here we go again!).
The Vague Yet Very Close Way
It's my opinion that anxiety causes thoughts. Thoughts cause a lack in concentration. We all have thoughts, and we all have anxiety. To let go of anxiety means to let go of your thoughts, or vice versa (which came first the chicken or the egg?)
From an early age I've always been anxious, and I've always learnt to avoid difficult situations. This was in no way connected to panic, but you could call it higher than average state of anxiety.
From this, I always questioned many things, and this left me with a lot of thought regarding my life, as well as many smaller things. Maybe part of my anxiety, and avoidance, is due to the fact that I often questioned the purpose of entering difficult situations. One thing is for certain, I've always been a 'thinker'.
The Current Problem
Example 1
So, it's an average day, going about your daily routines, then you get talking to someone. You're talking to this person, then all of a sudden mid-way through a sentence you forget what you're talking about. This makes way for a long and very uncomfortable silence. Incidentally the latter part heightens your anxiety further more and you get stuck in the old problem of thinking too much about what you should be saying (something that will be familiar with social phobics) which just serves to increase your chances of remembering what you were saying in the first place.
Example 2
Someone is talking to you. Can be any situation, but becomes more apparent when someone is talking to you at length. You are interested in what they say, yet your mind begins to wander. You make an attempt to listen, but again, your eyes begin to go out of focus and you're thinking about the time you went to Butlins in 1983! Ok, so you realise your mind has wandered, and you try to revert back to the sensory input that is being provided for you. Only when you do this, you find you still can't listen! You hear a short snippet '...are you listening...', then your own thoughts begin to go something like 'listening, listening...listening, I like the sound of that word, listening, listening...no, I need to focus...focus, that's a good word too'! Or even more embarassing, you fail to even grasp the meaning of one single, easy word that you have used your entire life.
Example 3
You're sitting at home, feet up, you switch off the TV and decide to pick up a book instead. You open it up and commence reading. You read the entire first chapter of the book (of which you have been excited to read for weeks), then suddenly realise that you have created a solution to boost global economics and eradicate third world debts, but you haven't got the slightest idea what the book is about. This is very strange, because you do remember actually reading the words, you just don't know what they said.
The Depth of the Problem
Now you're at work. The boss is telling you what needs done for the day. He is talking, but you're not listening (see example 2). There is one easy way out of this; you simply say 'Sorry, but I'm completely incapable of listening to what you are saying to me right now, it would be best if I just went home, had a cuppa, then you can go through all of this with me again tomorrow. Although I can't guarantee that I will listen to you then either (very likely)'. Unfortunately, that isn't much of an option.
Another option is to pretend you knew what they were saying and try your best to blag your way through the day.
The mostly likely thing to happen, is that you look like an idiot and succeed in doing nothing. You want to fix this problem, but all efforts fail in a rath
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