Old Folk

[Dave777]

Hi all,

Phew, this is a tough one.
Dad and Stepmum are getting old and frail.
They recently had a bad car accident which they survived with only bruises.
This has escalated an ongoing problem.

They seem unable to get themselves organised, the more I do the more they seem prepared to let me do.
Dad has now given up driving but has made no plans to organize shopping.

My step sister and step brother live in the same Town as them but I'm 40 miles away. We have never been in regular contact.

How can you motivate old folk that are in an endless muddle and becoming unable to cope with everyday life ?

[Cathy V]

Hi Dave...long time no see. Sorry to hear about your situation with the old folk. Is it possible to call in the help of social services? they have home help teams and there is actually a 'shopper' person who will do all of that. Not sure if they charge a small fee but might be worth looking into. Bit mean of your step family not to help a bit more tho...happy families eh?

Best wishes
Cathy xxx

[ksmith]

I'm in similar situation. Get adult social services around to do an assessment. You can access services from there. Unfortunately my parents wouldn't have social services in (they're old fashioned and see them as only being there for 'bad' families). So ..... I have to drive 70 odd miles a few times a week, take time off my job unpaid etc. Can't you get your siblings to do a bit more? Perhaps you could take them for the odd weekend?

Kay x

[milly jones]

for food and stuff could u set up weekly tesco delivery to them on net? just a suggestion then they will get food regularly.
i set one up for my mum and manage it for them.

think u also need to drop big hints to stepfamily too.

milly xxxxxxxxxxx

[Dave777]

Hi Cathy and Kay.

Same here Kay, they block every move to organize things.
It's like talking to a child, they are very much against Social Services.
Not sure where this is going but I'm not prepared to give up all my weekends.

[Dave777]

Hi Milly, I have been trying to get them to do online shopping.
They can't seem to take on anything new!?

Step family are doing lots but it never seems to be enough according to dad.

[jill]

Hi Dave,

Yes, hun, this is defo a hard one if your Dad and step Mum will not have any help from the social services.

I used to work with old folk and yes, they do become child like, there minds do not fuction and proccess things as well as they used to.

Hun, don't be to hard on yourself, you have to find positive pathways forward for yourself, you know you will do all you can to help them. You can only do so much, with living so far away. Talk to Dad and family memebers who live close and plane the days you will go down to give other family memebers a break. I can understand how you don't want to give all your weekends up, its up to you just how much time you wish to spend hun

There is a thing called help the aged, they can get people in to do, just the shopping, my sis uesed to do this for a couple of elderly people, just do there shopping.

It is dame hard for elderly letting a stranger into there home, they are so used to doing things on there own and they do try and stay independent, it comes with time and a little prompting from close family, to help them, understand that a little help, is a good thing.

I do hope you get things sorted Dave,


You take care


LOVE JILLXXX

[milly jones]

get them to make a list hun

then order it to be delivered to their house

they dont even have to touch the computer

u can manage any changes weekly for them

all they have to do is be in for the delivery hun

[Dave777]

Thanks Jill and Milly.

They really are getting me stressed, when I calm down I'll make a few plans to relieve the situation.
Old age, who needs it? ...... me I'm just a Spring chicken ! lol

Hey Jill, hope you are fine?x

[jill]

Hi Dave,

If its getting your really stressed you NEED to stand back with your mind and forget it for a few days, give your mind a rest from trying to sort this situation out. If your stress levels are high your mind may go all negative and you will not be able to think right, (think positively)

When you have calmed down, then I feel, you will know what to do, I know you will hun.

I am doing, very, very well, thank you soo much for asking.

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXX