DAY 4 -Am i over the worst?

[scrumpy78]

I don't think anyone will mind reading our posts as i think they will be useful for others to read about citalopram. I'm on day 7 now, cannot believe its gone fast. I normally live with my partner, but i came to my mum and dads house on day 4 as i feel "safer" here, safe in a "need a hug off my mum" kind of way, she has been through this with me a few times, where as it is new to my partner. Yesterday was my first day i felt "ok" and was able to go out. Its not that the tablets were stopping me, but all the anxiety and fighting for 4 months convincing myself i'm ok has come to a head. I think i always knew i was heading for "meltdown" but was trying to ignore it or possibly i think i was waiting til my partner finished work for the summer ( he's a teacher ) and so i could just "give up" then!
Being at my mums is like being on a retreat! i have had aromatherapy massages, a clean, fresh bedroom, home cooking ( although i havent realy been eating much) and best of all SKY TV!!!
So, so far i have noticed is a being a bit sleep and "out of it" but no more than normally feel with anxiety. What i have noticed is that panic attacks are starting, but then seem to dissolve into nothing! whether this is the tablets working this early or the fact that i'm believing that i dont know. I am feeling dizzy and nauseous when i wake up for about 10 min, but then it passes and i suspect its dehydration from sweating all night! Noticing pains and symptoms more than normal but that is the anxiety increasing, yesterday i thought i had a pain in my heart,and then i think my head my explode. Just riding them out.Had the bizarrest dream last night, that another thing i will welcome on the tablets, the great dreams! i only dream when taking them! I dreamt i fostered 8 children ( i dont have any ) and they kept giving them to me, and i lost 2 on the first day, forgot to pick them up from school. It was quite funny.
Just a bit anxious going up to 20 mg in a week. Def feel much better than days 3,4,5.

[jayne1982]

Hello there,

I started citalopram about 6 weeks ago, and have gradually gone up from 5mg to 30mg per day. I have been taking 30mg for about a week now, and the side effects of upping the dose kicked in about day 4 and I still have them at the moment. They are getting better though. The ruminating is definitely the worst part, and most intense during the morning. I have been very nauseous too, but I'm sure that will pass.

I also went to stay with my mum and dad when I first started taking citalopram. It was definitely the right thing to do... A hug when I needed one, home-cooked food and a clean room! I really hope you're feeling much better now. I'm now back living with my boyfriend and at work too, so things are looking up.

I even managed to get a promotion last week, which involved a scary interview board, something I never imagined I could have done a month ago!

It's so good to know there are such great people to talk to on here. It's a fantastic resource and has got me through some really grotty moments.

Let us know how you're getting on.

Jayne xx

[DeeperDown]

Hi again Scrumpy - and welcome Jayne.

Reading your threads made me feel very guilty I hadn't mentioned the part my parents have played in helping me. Most of my early depression stemmed from health fears - either for me or those I love. In fact one of my worst episodes came when my father was diagnosed with cancer. Despite it being the worst time of his life he somehow found enough to cope with both that and my illness. It was remarkable. Especially if you consider he was once hospitalised with depression when he was in his late teens. He gives hope to me, and I hope to everyone else here, because he came off medication when I was born (34 years ago) and has taken all manner of life hits since without ever going back. I'm not sure I could ever do it, but it does show that there is a road back, for some at least.

Scrumpy has reminded me of another symptom of restarting the citalopram that I had forgotten to mention. Mainly because it someone does not seem to be depression related. The night sweats. Although at this time of year you can at least throw back the covers. I have woken up soaked in sweat the last two days. In fact I can remember January mornings when it was below zero and I was still too hot with the covers on. Then too cold with them off. Then too hot...

Anyway, enough rambling. My daily update for you. I slept in today. Partly to try and sleep through the morning (always the worst time), and partly because I also take a medication called Trazadone which for some reason sometimes knocks me out (other times it seems to do nothing). Last night was a knockout time. I was nauseous from the moment I took it, and almost collapsed into a sleep. Since awakening my rumination is about a 5 on a scale of 1-10. Nothing like as bad as yesterday. The shakes are better, but still quite severe. And the emotional control is good. Either waking up later has done some good or I am just having a good day. However I haven't hit the 7 day mark yet so I am being cautious. I remember when I started off on citalopram days 7-10 were the worst. In fact I had almost given up on them but my second GP appointment was after two weeks and the last couple of days before I went back it sharply turned for the better. I will be much happier when I reach day 11.

Its good to know you are holding up Scrumpy. The change of scene will come at just the right moment for you. I'm certain by this time next week you'll be feeling the positive effects. Don't worry if you dip a bit over the next couple of days. It doesn't mean its stopped working. If you get to Wednesday and you haven't had any sort of dip then I think you can congratulate yourself. If you do get one then you can look forward to next weekend. I am sure you are nearer the end than the start now, so just keep pushing on.

About the move to 20mg? Remember that is the dosage I am on now. And although I've been better I don't seem too bad I hope? Think about that. I am absolutely sure that the upgrade will be no worse than what you have already been through. It won't be easy, but you've come this far and you've fought your way through the hardest part. You should be proud of that.

DD

[scrumpy78]

welcome jayne, your story has inspired me as i am worried that i will never make it back to work! it just seems like a big step at the moment. Its a lovely sunny day here in lancashire, although cool and i'm feeling ok for day 8. yesterday i was feeling ok side effects wise, just quite tired, but felt bad fromthe anxiety symptoms. I have this dizzy feeling, but its not dizziness, its like a might fall over world in slow motion kind of feeling and it panics me. this is what i'd been getting about 3 weeks before starting citalopram, and its worse in a morning. its not my blood pressure coz it happens when i'm led down, i just feel like i want to shake my head to clear it. went out and about yesterday on my own which felt good but i was quite miserable last night as i still feel the same as i did three weeks ago. I want to feel well - NOW! i want to be back at work doing all the normal things i used to do before i started feeling worse. still at my parents, my dad is ill with kidney failure and when i was moaning about feeling groggy yesterday he said " you don't have the monopoly on being ill you know" it puts things in perspective, also when i saw his medicine box this morning, oh my god i'd be having a pink fit if i had to take all those medicines and he does it without moaning or complaining. i feel so guilty. But my illness is anxiety and depression, and with that comes the inability sometimes to differentiate between real and perceived illness, and the fear and physical symptoms that come with that.I dont have to make excuses for myself. I have an illness, i have been trying to ignore that fact telling myself that im stupid or weak or pathetic and apologising to people all the time about not being able to do stuff. I was looking through my mums craft stuff yesterday as we both make handmade cards. I realised that she has kept every birthday and mothers day card i have ever made her for years. Not just that but inside i had written, every year, "thanks for being a great mum and putting up with me" or "thanks for being there for me, i know i'm a pain" etc etc and it made me wonder why i feel the need to apologise and feel "lesser" than other people because of my illness.

Now i'm realising that i am rambling and should really start a blog somewhere. I think it is helping me to write stuff out???

Anyway, back to the point. Day 8 and i'm doing ok. feel groggy lightheaded and nauseous but at least i'm sleeping better. Each night im having more sleep and it feels great. Also, another wacky dream...this time my boyfirend had somehow dyed my hair back blond without me realising ( it took me ages to grow back to my natural colour brown) and i was so angry at him!!! The dreams are so vivid and funny!!

[DeeperDown]

I do wish I was getting these dreams you lot seem to be having - I feel left out!

Its interesting to hear that your symptoms seem to be general depression now rather than side effects of the medication Scrumpy. If they don't seem to be changing over the next few days you might want to think about alternating between 10 and 20mg doses for a few days to offset the side effects when you go up full time. Your move to your parents does seem to have eased your mind and - horrible as it sounds - having your father to worry about and seeing his situation might help you take your mind off your own problems.

As for me - I'm still having some very shaky mornings. Its getting so I don't want to go to bed at all. By 10pm at night I feel almost normal again. And then I wake up vibrating like a faulty washing machine on a spin cycle. I don't think I've improved much in the last two days, but I've not got any worse, and that's as much as you can ask sometimes. I think I'll wait until this weekend and if its the same I'll start to move back to 40mg doses.

DD

[oldhandatthis]

sorry to hear you are having shaky mornings DD, I too wake up feeling bad. But it passes.
I've forgotten how long you've been on C/pram for, do you think you are still going through the side effects?

[DeeperDown]

Its hard to say. I mean this is only day six since I swapped back. And I went without any ADs for two days before that since I was due to see my GP and didn't want any delay in resuming the citalopram if he gave me the ok. Certainly I wouldn't be expecting to feel any benefit yet, but I still feel reasonably good. In particular after about 9-10pm at night I am pretty much my old self. Its just the mornings. Its now nearly 2pm and I am only just in control enough of my muscles and shakes to type.

One thing is certain, the citalopram isn't (as least yet) making my rumination worse or giving those "nasty" thoughts. I hate to even type the word so "nasty" will have to do. If I can get to the weekend without suffering deep depression or those thoughts, then I will be confident enough to upgrade. It has to be said though, I'm quite pleased so far. Shakes and tremors may stop me doing anything physically, but its the mental side I really fear. And that is JUST about under control. On the edge, but under control.

Thanks for the reply btw oldhat.

DD

[oldhandatthis]

you are being really brave, I admire you, I know how hard it is.


No one really understands unless they have been through it themselves, do they?

[BUBBLEGIRL CHESTER]

last time i seem to remember feeling worse about day 3/4 of the first week on 20mg. im on day 4 of first week of 10mg, am i over the worse? is the first few days the worse or does it continue into days 5-7 ish? i'm just trying to countdown to help me through it. i keep getting waves of panic, nausea, cold sweats and feel like my chest is really tight. Am i on the home straight? oh and when i move up to 20mg in two weeks will i feel this all over again?

HIYA GUYS. IV BEEN ON CITALOPRAM FOR 4 MONTHS STARTING ON 10MG AND GRADUALLY GOING UP TO 40MG. I HAVE EXPERIENCED THE FOLLOWING SIDE EFFECTS IN THE FIRST TWO WEEKS OF STARTING THIS MEDICATION:
SICKNESS, FEELING SICK, VOMITING, HEADACHES, FEELING WEAK, WEAK IN THE HANDS, DIZZINESS. AT FIRST YOU DONT FEEL THE FULL EFFECTS BUT KEEP WITH IT FOLKS. DONT MISS DAYS, ALWAYS REMEMBER TO TAKE IT BY THE WAY COS YOULL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!!!!! AT FIRST I WAS VERY PANICKY BUT IT FADES AND YOU DONT THINK ABOUT IT. I HAVE ALSO LOST 2 STONE IN 8WEEKS SO IM FEELING AND LOOK GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK TAKE CARE ON YOUR WAY TO RECOVERY XX

[BUBBLEGIRL CHESTER]

By The Way I Didnt Get Side Effects When My Dose Was Increased Just Felt Tired