obsessional negative thoughts

[doddy]

lisas,

i use to think id drive my car into people, so one day i sadi just do i....of course i didnt, i use to think i might attack a stranger, so one day i thought just do it......i didnt, use to think i might kill my family, so one day i thought do, again i didnt.........

just worry, the thoughts can feel very scary and frightening but they are just thoughts, not instructions,


you are definately without doubt not going mad......you were just testing yourself..........challenging the thought..........

its a thought not an instruction.....megs words not mine!! but very true.

doddy

[kimmy]

hello lisa mate
no you havent gone mad, i know our words can reasure you for a little while BUT NO
i too have concious thaughts, if youve gone mad you wouldnt know!!!!! thats the most important thing to remember. people with anxiety think of the what ifs all the time, i too have ahd suicide come into my mind!
have you been to any councelling or spoke to your doctor about any therapy. there is also other website with emergency contact numbers on. like mind! i have spoke to them before, it was very calming. i thaught because my thaughts were so out of controle i was schizophrenic or summat. im not just have anxiety. my thaughts flit from 1 dramatic thing to another. ive had anxiety and panics for a year now and i know my thaughts have always gone to the most dramatic and damaging situations like will i hurt my kids, kill myself, am i schizophreneic or am i going mad. thaughts cant hurt you, your aware of them SO YOU ARE IN CONTROLE! YOUR NOT MAD

i wish you the best of luck, please pm me if youd like a chat.
good luck lisa

*to change your world is to change your thaughts*

[Meg]

Lisa ,

What you are going through is quite normal indeed.

I had the suicide/ knife thing too and ended up tying them all up and sticking them in the attic - real pain when on a lucid day wanted to cook .. My other one was motorway gantrys and bridges.. looking over wondering what possessed someone to jump.. I never did find out...

One day it just wasn't an issue anymore , and I could smile about it and I went onto something else less worrying ..

Thoughts not instructions

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[Piglet]

Hi Lisa,

I agree with Meg - this is a phase and it will pass.

When I first got anxiety I was petrified I was a danger to people and would be carted off to my victorian image of a lunatic ayslum and be running down corridors in a long nightie weilding a carving knife and have black long straggly hair (I'm a blonde in real life). I obviously watched far too many silly horror films as a kid.

I asked my GP did I have mad cow disease - how that man kept his face straight I will never know, bless him.

Love Piglet

[LisaS]

piglet - you really made me laugh!

everyone, thank you so much for your words, it is so settling to know that i am normal. i have had a lovely weekend so far being with family and friends, jumping on trampoline with my neice etc.. no panics at all.. but that sodding word did creep up, but only when i thought, 'oh i haven't thought of suicide today' and bang. there it is! It annoys me so so much which is no doubt why i can't forget about it. I test myself every day to see whether i'm still thinking about suicied or not!
i do hope it passes meg, like you said, one day it wasn't an issue. i hope that happens for me too.
i dont want to die at all - why isn't my mind convinced of that!? i know my ADs are working as i'm so much calmer and i can get on with my life, and everyone has noticed i'm much much better, but they would be shocked to know i think about suicide every day!!
Meg - please tell me it will go!!!!

thank you again,
Lisa
xxx

[seh1980]

hi Lisa,

You said that you didn't think about it today until you remembered that you hadn't thought about it. I am like that a lot with panic. I suddenly think "wow I haven't thought about panicking in a while" and then sure enough I start to panic. We really do bring it on ourselves sometimes. I don't think that you are worried about suicide, rather you are paranoid about thinking about it and then you do..Does this make any sense?lol

Sarah

[Piglet]

Hi Lisa - glad to make you smile, it's such a relief isn't it to know underneath we all have our funny little worries - you're so not alone!
Love Piglet

[LisaS]

Sarah, you are completely right. I am paranoid about thinking about it..
i think i am now at that stage with my meds where my anxiety and panics have gone, and i'm now feeling quite emotionless, which is very odd indeed.. like i know how far ive come but i dont seem to be able to be happy about it. I did read a post somewhere that said this is only temporary and passes as you continue to improve.. i certainly hope so as it feels like you are not really a part of the world.
thanks again everyone. i know i have to accept and be patient. its just there are the hardest things to do! wow. my new hope is that one day i will be writing a success story here!
along with dear old claire weekes, this site is fab.
Lisa
xxx

[EmmaJane]

Hi Lisa,

I dont think about suicide now, but I have done in the past. I do think off death and find problems in my health though.

When I had my first bout of depession about 8 years ago after 3rd child was born, I did think of suicide then. Use to pick up the knife etc.

I totally understand how you feel, but hang on in there and keep talking. We are all here to help anytime. Or by all means email me, I dont mind talking to you.

Take care

Emma x

[kimmy]

dont you think its bizarre what we do to ourselves. instead of suicide mine was im going to go mad, if i didnt think about it for a while, ill think wow i can forget then BANG its back, full blown panic again. it does your head in i know. ive had panics for over a year now and it does get better. i think when you accept your thaughts rather than fight it. it calms down. it just like if you have an arguement, you rile yourself up. walk away and you calm down. try to say to yourself "yeah whatever"
its a silly tactic but it does work.
i dont hyperventilate anymore but i do get anxious but its getting easier. take care xxxx