Newby needing help about horrible thoughts!

[niki6]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the site and have been reading through some of the posts, everyone seems really nice so i thought i would share my problem with you lot!
Okay, i have been suffering from GAD for about a month now, it started with panic attacks most nights which I have overcome now (nearly!) i have been to the doctors and he has given me some beta-blockers which are good for the physical symptoms but i still cant get the horrible thoughs out of my head!! i told the doctor this and he perscribed me anti-depressants (which he did not tell me were anti-depressants at the time, i only found out after reading the leaflet that came with them) I have not taken them because im too scared of the whole 'anti-depressant' stigma, i also feel like i want to get better naturally instead of chemically.

Anyway the thoughts im having are terifying and they only come into my head when i start to feel 'weird', i start to think that im going mad, and that im going to turn into a physcho and kill myself or my boyfriend... argh!! i know it sounds horrible, but it absolutely terrifies me becuase the truth is im so scared of dying, and there is no way on this earth i would actually kill myself or anybody else so why do these horrible thoughts come into my head? when it happens i think 'oh no i cant think that' and i try to blank it out but then thoughs of knives and blood and I see images of myself turning into some mental killer! I actually feel s*** scared whilst writing this and I hope people dont think that I am actually crazy!

Im also scared becuase i dont know where this anxiety has come from, from reading other posts, most people seem to have had a bad childhood or stressfull job/family life but i dont actually have any worries, i'm 22, live with my parents, have a job (but im off sick at the mo) and i have a great loving understanding boyfriend and lots of friends.... so what the hell is wrong with me?!!

Any advice or reassurance would be greatly appreciated

[Captain America]

i was on top of the world when mine hit..still have no idea but my sister started to get them about a year before i did (she didn't tell anyone) so in my case i think genetics played a role. i tried to come up with a reason (even almost convinced myself i was abused as a child...i wasn't) and eventually just gave up trying to find a reason and started cbt therapy.

in therapy i met a lot of people that had the 'crazy' thoughts. i'd get them sometimes but not too bad. one guy in my group checked himself in because there was a college school shooting in the news here recently and he started to have obsessive thoughts about it, almost thinking he could turn into someone like that. the next morning his doctor joked with him, 'so, kill anyone last night?'. he replied, 'nope'. and took ativan and went home.

it's the anxiety. it does that. it wants you to feel afraid of something, and it can pick anything to do it. in my case it's my health. when it's not my health, i think someone's going to break in.

as for anti depressants, forget about the stigma. it's about feeling better, and if they work for you great! anxiety responds better to therapy than depression does though..but it takes a few months i've been told. i'm 6 weeks into mine and i'm better but know i have a way to go.

[niki6]

Thanks for that Captin America, i think i just need to tell myself 'its the anxiety' when i have these thoughts... but its easier said than done sometimes! I'm seeing my doctor on friday so going to ask him more about the anti-depressants as i dont feel depressed, just anxious! Going to ask about CBT as i think that it would be helpful. Thanks for the reply xx

[Captain America]

no worries. there are some anti depressants they found work for anxiety. lexapro is one, and there are a couple others. so don't be surprised by that. typically they like to use a benzo, like klonopin, during the period while the anti depressents take effect since they take a few weeks. then the discontinue the benzo and keep you on the antidepressant.

i started down that path but got somatic with the medication. i read the possible side effects before taking it, which was not very smart of me because i got them all. and i got them like within 10 minutes of taking the pill, which isn't really possible since it wasn't even absorbed into my system yet at that point. but my sister and two of my friends have really benefitted from it. so everyone's different.

good luck!!

[lesleyB]

Hi Niki, I have these thoughts also they scare the hell out of you at times, but it is all anxiety related. I have had CBT and it helps to get these thoughts into perspective, that they are just thoughts and you wont harm anyone, my counciler says that she has them from time to time and they are more common than you think.It's just when your anxious you tend to dwell on things more and worry about them. See if you can get CBT
Good luck
Lesleyb

[niki6]

Captain America, i have been prescribed sertaline... i have noticed on the forum that a lot of people are on this med.. i took one tablet last week and like you, i got all the side affects, which is silly as im sure after one tablet you dont feel anything! Maybe i should just bite the bullet and give them a go, its better than feeling scared all the time.

Lesley, thank you, its good to know that im not alone in having these thoughts. I deffinately would like to put them into perspective, going to look into getting some therapy now. your feedback is very reassuring!
xx

[Lisa-Angel]

I have been prescribed Citalopram which is an anti depressant, but it really helps with my anxiety. It helps control the physical symptoms so I can concentrate on getting my head together and leading a more normal life. I had weird dreams and was a bit dizzy and spaced the first few days i took them, but other than that no side effects at all. The worst thing i did was wait a few days to start taking them because i was scared.

I get strange thoughts especially when I am in the house on my own. I imagine that someone will break in and stab me and i will be left dying. Or i will choke on something and will suffocate. My fear of choking was so bad at one point that i couldn't even eat at home let alone in a restaurant. But in the end I had to just sit down and give myself a "do i want to be like this for the rest of my life? do i want to starve myself to death because i have an irrational fear? talk." I have taken control of my life and the main reason i can do so is because i have to admit to myself that these were irrational thoughts and wouldnt come true.

Take Care, lisa x

[samc100]

Firstly hugs cos' it is soooo scarey. I thought I had completley lost the plot and would have to be locked away forever because I was so unsafe when it happened to me. It broke me into pieces.

I spoke to my councellor about my thoughts as I really thought they made me a bad person just because they are in my head.

My worst one was having to hide behind the settee because I thought if I moved then my legs would force me upstairs and I'd jump out of the window and die. I was hysterical.

It was then the Dr was called and I promised to try the anti-D's.

My therapist said having mad/bad thoughts does not mean you are mad or bad or going to any of things in the thoughts. It is just that you are aware of them. And that is a good thing because being aware of your head means you can have control over it. But you have to get the coping strategies into place etc....

I did take the anti-D's and they enabled me breathing space to get myself back on track in life. They are not a cure - you have to do some hard work yourself but they can give you the chance to be calm enough to tackle things positively. xxxx

[Worried worrier!]

Hi there hun, i joined this site for advice on intrusive thoughts too.
I hope you're okay. I'm going through a terrible time at the moment with thoughts that i would go psycho and kill or hurt my family. It can be part of ocd.
I was recently prescribed flupentixol. It worked wonders with my intrusive thoughts but i had to come off it as i had side effects of drowsiness which i couldn't put up with with looking after two toddlers.
It could work for you though.
You are not alone and you are not crazy x

[niki6]

Really appreciate everyone's support and advice!! i totally can relate to everyone.. its reassuring that im not going mad. i am not going to be taking any kind of medication as i dont think it is going to work for me personally.

Going to see a counsellor on monday and hoping that she will be able to help me!

Hope everyone is ok
Love niki xx