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Thread: Having problems....

  1. #1

    Having problems....

    Well it's been awhile since i last wrote in & beleive it or not things were starting to balance out, Lol. Not for long ! Well i went to the doctor again & he didn't really listen to anythink i had to say regarding my Diazepam, so at the moment im still on 30mg a day, also he couldn't understand why i wont go on prozack, i want to be happy through normality not more pills. Anyway i also bumped in my partner & child again last week & after some shouting by me, she decided to sit down & listen to me. I told her how she cant just keep going with my son & leaving & not answering the phone to me just because she has the hump with me, we have a child & he is taking all this on board. I explain as much as i can everythink we do around him affect's him. & what is going on around him im not happy with. So after an hour or so in a public slide place with us drinking tea & talking & my son playing she says she does want to be with me & we get ready to go back to mine. So all in all things are good, im happy, she's happy & most of all my son is happy, we come back to mine for 3 days there is no shouting we all have fun go out, watch films & generally live like a family again. The only thing she wont answer her phone to her mum ? Anyway after 3 great days she say's she has to go clean the cafe she works for, all ok i say, why woudn't it be ? My son is left with me while she goes, so i start dinner, she ring's within half hr, All ok she says, & she will be back soon. I tell her dinner is on, roast dinner, cool she say's. I play with my son while dinner is cooking & she rings again to say her mum is on the phone or somethink & she is gonna turn her phone off & be back soon. Ok i say & carry on, an hour an a half goes by, she should be back im thinking ? I try to phone it's off ! Two hours pass, dinner is done, Still nothing from her, i try her mum's phone & yes she has bolted back there, somethink about she has had second thought's. Im shocked & heart broken again, smile for my son i think & put dinner out, next minute the police are at the door, regarding my son, i let them in straight away & explain that she has done this for four years to me & my boy, they ask me & my son a few questions, ask him where he wonts to be he says with me bless him, & they go leaving him with me telling me if she rings or comes round they will arrest her, im shocked. I put a smile on for my son, he is only four himself, also i explain as best i can he seem's happy so we eat dinner then shortly after go to bed. Next day is so nice & hot so i cover him in sun cream & we head down the beach for the day, we have a great time, wading in the sea, eating ice creams, all is good. Then we leave to come home, get in just after four, ( Talk about all the four's ) As we have been there since eleven, so once in doors i have a coffee & take my tablets. All going good, my boy ask's me to cut the grass in the garden so we can play football so up i get saying i will get that done then it's dinner & a bath then bed at nine. So were in the garden having more fun, how life can change with a smile. The phone rings, i answer it & there is a bailiff telling me he is at my door asking me to open up, i open the door to hear that my partner has been to court that day, told the judge i have stolen my son, also said im a heroin addict & said i would slit my boys throat & run away to london with him, im shocked the bailiff is an ex police officer & says he can see im clean free off drugs & my son is happy but the order says he has to be back with his mum by six, its five thirty now. Im fuming i cannot believe she is doing this, i ring her phone only to be answered by her mum, my boy is crying he wonts to stay here & to be honest it's all getting stupid now. Anyway her mum picks him up at six, i ask when i can see him & she says to take my ex to court ! Damn, not what i want or need for my son. So now its a court case that i can see getting ugly, its not the lies she has told im worried about, it's that a judge will say you both sound mad & put my boy in care, but i cant sit aside & not try to sort this out, i do have a bad background yes, but i have been clean ten years now & not been in trouble with the police either in that time. So now im between being depressed & thinking of ways to get my boy. In truth all i wont is my partner here & my child here, but i know it's not gonna happen & to be honest i think things have gone way to far now. So im feeling really low at the moment & would welcome any advice on this subject.
    Hope everybody else is doing as best thay can,

    Welsh................

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,924

    Re: Having problems....

    firstly hugs to u hun

    ive never been in this sort of situation, but ur partner sounds very confused. does her mum control her thinking? are there issues there too?

    i only mention this as i had a spell when i was compliant with everything my parents dictated, im 43. it took time for me to realise that im an adult and can make my own decisions.

    u know that uve done nothing wrong, and leaving ur son with u and running away from her problems sounds like shes the one with issues regarding the care of ur son.

    please take advice from a solicitor, u need acces to the child, and ur son needs u too.

    it sounds like she is so mixed up and doesnt know what she wants/needs.

    u must ensure that u fight for ur rights if things do turn negative for u.

    please dont worry about ur son in care. they only do that if there is significant risk to the child's wellbeing.

    stay strong for ur son

    milly xx

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    388

    Re: Having problems....

    Firstly, let me offer you my condolences and support in what sounds like an absolute nightmare of a situation.

    Your first step needs to be to go to your local Citizens Advice Bureau, and get some legal advice. From there, you may need to see a solicitor (if you are not working or low-paid, you may qualify for legal aid).

    Your ex-gf sounds very mixed up and confused, and I wonder how much her mother is pulling her strings.

    I also strongly suggest you keep a diary. Write everything down as accurately as possible (names, dates, times, places, etc). Keep track of all phone calls and conversations.

    I really hope you can get things sorted out. Please keep us updated.

    Sincere Best Wishes.
    __________________

    The opinions stated above are the personal opinions of the writer, and not intended to offend or denigrate any opinions held by anyone else.

    I think it's kinda funny, I think it's kinda sad,
    The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.


  4. #4

    Re: Having problems....

    Thanks for your reply. Yes my ex partner has a few issues with her mum controlling her. In regards to seeing someone, im in court on the 8th, it's just as i say im so scared the judge will just get sick of the tit for tat & say put him into the care system. As i grew up in care myself. In the last ten years i have turned my life around big time, got free of drugs, stayed complety out of trouble with the police, & lived a quite life. My solicitor say's i have a good case as one she has lied big time in court already, & two i generally only do want the best for my son & the judge will see this. It's just as i say i do have a past, & still get depressed very easily, though not when my ex partner or child are around. Im still on Diazepam & Dihydrocodeine but there for back ache & stress not addiction. But with the lies she is telling, Quote fathers a Heroin addict etc, im scared what else she might say in the heat of it & there in the judge thinking put this child in care. As i say i have turned my life round big time, not that im an angel, but im not a monster either i have never hit her or anythink like that, my only downfall is i shout, but when someone runs of with your child for nine days isn't that normal ? Please tell me. Anyway at the moment im writting everythink down i can think of that has gone on over the last five years, but as i say im so scared to go to court, one in respect of messing up my child's head, & two losing him. I can never seem to look on the good side of things only the bad. Anyway once again thank you very much for your reply. Hope your doing ok in life yourself. Also any questions or answer's you may have im open to .....................

    Welsh.........................

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    , , USA.
    Posts
    5,667

    Re: Having problems....

    Hi Welsh,

    I am sorry you are having so many problems with your ex regarding your son. My hope for you is that she will see that only harm can come from her allegations and the best thing for your son is for both of you to be involved in raising him. He needs you both in his life.

    Take care,

    Laura

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    388

    Re: Having problems....

    I'm sorry to say this, but it seems like your relationship with your ex-gf has now reached the point where any 'civil friendly' agreement will be highly unlikely, and you should possibly brace yourself for an unpleasant legal battle, if you are going to have all sorts of accusations & allegations made against you.

    Just an idea, but do you think it worthwhile for your solicitor to suggest to your ex-gf, to go to family counselling? At least if she refuses, it will put you in a better light at court (ie, you are the one trying to work things out and be a good parent/role-model for your son, and she is the one refusing to be cooperative or rational). If she agrees to the counselling,it may throw up some clues regarding her attitudes and whether her mother is behind a lot of the problems.

    Also, it may help in court for you to have a doctors statement to say that you are not taking heroin or any illegal drugs, and that the prescription medications are for a temporary back sprain.

    Stay strong, your son is worth fighting for.
    Last edited by kendo59; 01-08-08 at 14:36.
    __________________

    The opinions stated above are the personal opinions of the writer, and not intended to offend or denigrate any opinions held by anyone else.

    I think it's kinda funny, I think it's kinda sad,
    The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.


  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,924

    Re: Having problems....

    if its only allogations hun with no evidence then there is nothing to worry about.

    even if u do have a past, u do not present a risk to ur child hun

    please keep fighting for ur son

    milly xx

  8. #8

    Re: Having problems....



    Well things still haven't changed here, so it's court this week. To be honest i really am not looking forward to it, i have to see my solicitor tomorrow & the list of things i have written down to go in my favour dont look good for my ex-partner, as i have worked it out & she has left atleast six times & come back. This is not stable, & a judge should see this, it's just not really what i want. Im feeling so lost & confused what to do, should i go to court for custody or just go for weekend visit's. To be totally honest im sick of missing out on so much of my son's life, & secondly i honestly think she's going to confuse him in life. Im feeling so lost ! Honestly... Anyway head really dont want to think at the moment, so soz for ranting on here again. Hope everybody else is managing with there problems. Will write back in when my heads a bit clearer. Any advice is welcome.

    Really big thanks for all the people that have read & given me advice on this subject. Thanks again.

    Will write to let you know how things are going, sorry to say at the moment though things are terribable. Really am unsure what is best for my son...

    Welsh............

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