Cutting Down

[joseamnesia]

About a month ago I halved my dose of daily Citalopram from 40mg to 20mg. Not long after this I have started getting really horrible to my girlfriend. Not nasty as such but I am picking at every little thing she isn't doing right (according to me) or everything she isn't doing. Also I am doing lots of things for her, going out of my way to do things for her quietly, and getting moody when she doesn't appreciate me or do them herself. Sometimes she doesn't notice I've done them yet I'm still quiet and moody. She has told me that I'm pushing her away and on hearing this I kind of loose all hope so I continue with my moodiness etc etc. I am one that if I've done one thing wrong, thinks its all over and carries on doing them wrong sort of in defeat and to finish the job.

Doctor has given me Propanol to compensate the drop in Citalopram and to try something new. At first I was only depressed about the anxiety/increased heart rate, now am I depressed because I am coming off something I am dependant on?

WTF?

[DeeperDown]

Firstly its not shameful to be dependant on a drug if it helps you live a normal life. It seeme some people are of the view that because depression isn't a physical condition (I'll argue that point later) that there is something altogether marvellous at finding a medication free solution to it. To me that is nonsense. There are people who can find alternative ways to treat their depression, but there are also people who simply cannot. They have a chemical imbalance which no amount of pyschotherapy, herbal treatments or relaxation techniques will combat. Think of it like diabetes. There are several types of this terrible illness and each type must be treated differently. Some types can be treated with a healthy diet and a change in lifestyle, others require medication. I have yet to hear of anyone suggest someone with Type I Diabetes should step down their medication or try other methods. They need the insulin so they take the insulin. End of story. In my opinion depression can be similarly separated into types and some people do need medication even after lengthy periods of pyschotherapy and other techniques have been adhered to. In those cases the illness might just be completely physical in its nature a real body chemistry problem that only a drug like citalopram can treat.

Anyway my point is this. Do not be depressed because you are "dependant" on your medication. Whatever it is. Its not your fault. And it may not even be dependancy. You are ill and it helps you get better. If taking it means you are happier and less anxious and tempramental then you are simply treating your illness. Don't ever feel you are letting yourself or anyone else down by taking a drug that you need.

Now, all that said you should try other treatments. Relaxation. Physchotherapy. You may not need the citalopram for ever. But don't stop taking it or cut down just because you feel better. Because that is what the drug is doing. You may find the only reason you felt better was the drug. Discuss with your doctor using other techniques and gaining a nice stable platform to decrease. Ask him about pyschotherapy. Talking to someone about your fears. Read books on relaxation techniques. And make sure when you cut back you have something else to replace the medication. Gently ease off over a couple of months and replace each drop in dose with something non-medicinal. A new hobby perhaps to focus your mind. Maybe try and find a blend of medicinal treatment and alternative treatments which works for you. But mate, and I say this from the heart, you should never get down because you need the help of citalopram. If after trying all the other methods you end up still needing it then don't treat it as a weakness or a failure. Understand that your body needs the help and all you are doing is providing it.

Look after yourself and keep us all updated.

DD