Still living the nightmare

[mad4it]

I just realised it is 11 months since i registered with this site and thank god for it. Cos when i was at my lowest i knew i could ask u all for even the smallest glimmer of hope and support in my darkest situations. I can only say thanks.

Unfortunately, truth is i am no further forward with my problem. See, I thought I had a lucky card to play. I was going to ask for psychiatric help when it suited me. You know what i mean. You try all the self-help stuff first knowing all the time you are gonna have to ask for more help. Well my day came. I went back to my "understanding doctor" and told her that things wern't getting any better. In fact the situation had become so bad that even the things that had pushed me into trying to lead a normal life had gone and i was the ultimate prisoner. Anyway, I told the doc this and even cried a million tears but all she had for me was her opinion of my life. She told me i felt the way i do because "my life is dull". ( I don't and can't work and have no other outside interests bar what my kids do. lol) She actually believes that if i go and "do" voluntary work i will feel better. Funny cos i have told her many times that i am unable to leave the house. Anyway, as she was my last hope and I had played my 'lucky' card seems there is no way out now. I will also add, though i do feel guilty, but my hubby is still treating me as if i am a freak and enjoys telling me as often as he can what he thinks of me.

Hey Ho You know what. I can't do the whole "I want to kill myself" because even though i may feel it I still have three boys to consider and they are all i live for.

Thanks for listening.

[cattttt]

Sounds like you need to change your doctor and your husband. You sound so desparate, have you tried phoning Samaritans? They will always listen and won't ever suggest voluntary work as a solution. They will be able to help in some way though, give it a go.

[alfiesmummy2210]

hi there

reading your post was like a description of exactly what i am going through, ive suffered panic attacks and the occasional non serious episode of agoraphobia since i was 18 im now 31 but over the last year i have become a prisoner in my own home. I have a little boy age 4 who is due to start school in september and have no idea how im actually going to get him to school or collect him. I cant even take him to the park to enjoy the things most other kids enjoy. Im a single parent so have no support network really. My doctor much like yours dismisses me with some crappy prescription and tells me to relax more. Ive tried many self help books/cd's as well but just cant beat this. The guilt i feel towards my son is unmeasurable and i know think he would be better off without me so he can lead a normal life. Im angry at myself for being like this and i feel weak and stupid. Im not actually sure where to go for help now as i thought my doctor would be the person to put me on the right path.

scared and deeply unhappy

[sunnydays]

I too can relate to this. I am agoraphobic and have been since February of this year when I had a breakdown. My doctor was so unsympathetic that I hate to even think about it. I had to call him out as I was having the most terrible panic attacks and there was no way I could go to the surgery.

He called to see me but was so abrupt that I felt terrible. He slammed his case down on the floor, hardly spoke and at the end of the consultation told me that he'd see me again in four weeks .... at the surgery! As if I could get there in that state! I just broke down when he had gone.

The next thing to happen was that he refused to give me a repeat prescription for my Citalopram unless I visited the surgery. I was a wreck and couldn't go. Fortunately my sister took me in her car and I got my tablets, though I insisted on seeing another doctor.

As if we don't have enough to cope with without unsympathetic doctors. I really do feel for you.

love
Sunny

[sheena]

Those docs sound terrible. They just don't seem to understand that agoraphobia is not just about going out but the panic attacks and anxiety that sometimes even thinking that we have to go out occur.

My doctor was not nasty just kept giving me the prescription. I eventually asked him to refer me to see a psychiatrist. This psychiatrist sorted out my medication and eventually he referred me to the psychologist. She was really good and I was able to work with her doing CBT therapy.

Try and find a doctor that is a bit more sympathetic to how your agoraphobia makes you feel. I know because I have been the that place that you are in now.

Sheena

[nursey4]

Wow, so sorry to hear about the crappy experiences with the docs! I had an unsympathetic doc for awhile but changed to another doc quickly when I found one who was amazing! They may be few and far between but they are out there. Please try not to get too down on yourself. Your illness is NOT YOUR FAULT!!! I know for me it is the guilt that kills me and often it feels we are punished for being ill. It seems cancer would be easier to deal with some days. Don't give up- there is hope!

[never2late]

I'm very sorry that you are not finding the compassion that you should be receiving. I am surprised that your doctor takes it lightly. I read that a lot. I hope things look up for you.

[nikita]

your doctor is a t**t. try your best to get another one. I think there should be a section in the health care system for people with anxiety and doctors who specialise in that for them. God knows we pay enough for health care sometimes. People like us who suffer from anxiety etc are ILL, not attention seekers etc. We need to be treated as seriously and compassionately as any other ill person. ALso if you are agrophobic, then we deserve and need the right to have a doctor come to the home. For God's sake, dont they understand that going out to the surgery is NOT POSSIBLE for some people. Your husband doesnt sound too supportive right now either. He obviously just doesnt "get" it, so when you need to talk, come on here, because we do "get " it. Take care x


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[milly jones]

my gp is brill, sorry.

but i do identify with the hb bit.

ive tried and tried to make him understand. ive given up now. i rely on nmp and the hosp and sometimes my parents, tho they appear to be the cause they do relate to anx.

we have an illness that deserves to be treated with the respect and understanding it derserves. hateful tho it is it would be 'easier' to have a different life threatening illness cos ppl may just understand that this is not a choice.

ur brain is ur body, and its ur brain that is malfunctioning, just as it could be ur kidneys or lungs. it needs help.

fortunatley ive never had a serious illness, but my anx/dep has caused me to consider suicide. far more likely to me than another illness taking my life.

i have been diagnosed with a serious episode of depression, and at the moment am not working, so my illness is affecting my life.

in that case it is no different than any other illness.

gps need to wake up and realise that mental illness is real, and treatable too, with the correct help and support.

denying it only makes the illness worse, the longer it takes to treat it efficiently. that surely costs more in the long run.

long live the mental health team in my area. i feel no loss of dignity for asking for help. i accept their support. i even have a social worker attached to me, lol. something that some ppl would dread, but hes there if i need him.

demand to see a gp who has an interest in mental health. do not feel embarrassed about the label. ppl who ive dealt with are wonderful. perhaps im just lucky.

and keep posting on nmp, the place where we all understand

hugs

milly xx