I just realised it is 11 months since i registered with this site and thank god for it. Cos when i was at my lowest i knew i could ask u all for even the smallest glimmer of hope and support in my darkest situations. I can only say thanks.
Unfortunately, truth is i am no further forward with my problem. See, I thought I had a lucky card to play. I was going to ask for psychiatric help when it suited me. You know what i mean. You try all the self-help stuff first knowing all the time you are gonna have to ask for more help. Well my day came. I went back to my "understanding doctor" and told her that things wern't getting any better. In fact the situation had become so bad that even the things that had pushed me into trying to lead a normal life had gone and i was the ultimate prisoner. Anyway, I told the doc this and even cried a million tears but all she had for me was her opinion of my life. She told me i felt the way i do because "my life is dull". ( I don't and can't work and have no other outside interests bar what my kids do. lol) She actually believes that if i go and "do" voluntary work i will feel better. Funny cos i have told her many times that i am unable to leave the house. Anyway, as she was my last hope and I had played my 'lucky' card seems there is no way out now. I will also add, though i do feel guilty, but my hubby is still treating me as if i am a freak and enjoys telling me as often as he can what he thinks of me.
Hey Ho You know what. I can't do the whole "I want to kill myself" because even though i may feel it I still have three boys to consider and they are all i live for.
Thanks for listening.