Daydreamer

[Piscian Daydreamer]

Hello everyone.........

Just found this website,,, and i hope that few people here lead lives that are less anxious than mine. Let me tell you my story....

I'm 19 - a brummie. I have never suffered from panic attacks, but i have a real, serious form of GAD. I used to think it was depresssion,,,, but i now know its just anxiety.

I lead a nomal life, am at uni, have lots of friends. However, beneath the surface i am ultimately anxious. Nobody knows the person i am behind closed doors. I am ultimately sentimental, and i think, think, think, think, think all my life. From the moment i wake up to when i go to bet..... i am always worrying. I am comparing my life to everyone else, always wandering if my mates are out socialising, having fun without me, even though theyre not. I THINK TOO HARD. I am so obsessed with organisation, i feel i am going crazy. I keep a day to day diary of all the depressing thoughts that enter my head. I am obsessed with popularity. Although i have a lot of friends, i keep drawing mind maps on paper with me in the middle, and all my friends around me, just so i can check visually that i am popular.

I honestly, words cannot explain my anxiety. I will never kill myself or anyhting like that, i lead a normal life......... but i also lead a depressed life, when i have little to be depressed about. Like i say, i am always daydreaming, tearing myself up... thinking about how terrible my life is....... wanting to change it....

Ive been anxious for about 2 years since 6th form. Alot of my anxiety is to do with my dysmorphia. I consider myself as a genuinely, not bad looking 19 year old. I'm 6ft 2, and go to the gym all the time. I am obsessed with it........... always feeling anxious about needing to rip my body because i'm naturally a skinny lad.
Then, theres the fact that im 19 and still a virgin. Someimes, this is soul destroying. Ive lied to all of my friends about girls ive had, when really ive had none. I dont even know why........ i am MB - clever, good looking.... passionate. I go to clubs all of the time and never ever pull - i just havent got the desire to dance, and i find it humiliating to chat up girls. Ive always accepted that i would never find a girl in a club....... but in my day to day life i never meet girls either! I am so unlcuky in terms of my module classes at uni - i do a design course and it always seems to turn out... that all the people in my class are males.
Dam, i'm 19 and never been kissed. It feels awful writing this, it really does. Please, someone out there tell me it isn't important! Please, tell me its nothing to worry about......................... But when will i get my chance? What is wrong with me?????

If you have listened to all of this then thankyou very much. Its like a disease i have, a daydreaming disease. This anxiety makes me bored very very easily........... i worry the morning after nights out, even if they are great ones. I feel desperate to be cherished, and loved by a girl. I could give a girl everything..... i really could - i am MB.

........... sorry for dragging on so long, this is a typical diary entry for me........

Regards

MB

[florence]

Hi

Welcome to the site, you will get loads of support here.
Sorry to hear about your suffering and torture, sounds like you are suffering with some sort of social phobia ( altho I might be wrong ).
I am sure you will find people here with similar problems.
Take care .
Florence.

**Don't believe everything you think .**

[seh1980]

Welcome to the forum!!

Lots of people here, including myself, have been through similar things to you and felt very much the same way. This site is full of friendly people and I'm sure you will receive loads of support.

By the way, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at the age of 19. There is no set age at which losing your virginity is 'normal'..

Sarah

[henri]

hi mb,
welcome to the forum. i think lots of people will be able to relate to what you say about always thinking and not being able to stop.
have you joined any societies at uni, like the rowing soc or rugby soc or whatever? i know it might sound sad or boring, but it can be really rewarding and there's always a good social scene attached. and a good way of meeting more girls!
take care,
henri

[kirgray]

Hi MB

I can relate to what you are saying, I too am a born worrier and also a hard thinker I analyse everything constantly and also worry sometimes about what people will think of me, alot of my friends dont know how I feel and they would never think that I have anxiety as people think I am very outgoing!!. In time you will find somebody special, deep down we all have something we are afraid of, Take care MB

Kirsty

[nomorepanic]

Hi MB

Welcome aboard - good to have you on here.

It sounds like you have a bit of social phobia even though not in the true sense as you are able to go out, mix with friends, socialise etc.

I wouldn't worry too much about the being a virgin bit - it is not a race to lose it as soon as you can. When you meet the right person then it will happen of its own accord.

Do you ever have some chill out time and just listen to a relaxation CD etc? That could help with the anxiety.

Hope you stick around anyway.

Nicola

[pinkscrumpy]

Hi MB

Welcome- hope you find some support

MANDIE XX