I should be feeling good

[mlondon]

This bank holiday weekend is an important weekend. A year ago this weekend I thought I was going to die. I came home one night, was alone, panicked and in my irrational state of thinking as I was panicking I thought the only way to stop the feeling was jump off the balcony. Instead luckily I was thinking straight enough to take valium and passed out.

Obviously there are associations with last year. This weekend was my friends birthday, i went out drinking with her and when I came home yesterday, I felt totally spaced out and my panic was at a 9/10 i'd say. But I calmed down and was ok, my mum came round to spend the evening with me. Now when I think about panic I think I am going crazy and I am scared and so I guess I am panicking about being in the same place I was last year.I have come a long way but it hasn't been easy, what if I go back to where I was?

I should be happy I have got through the weekend, I got over feeling totally anxious yesterday but I still feel sooo scared of everything.

Another thing that makes me feel awful is when I hear about bad things happening and I wonder if they could happen to me. For example my friend found out 2 of her friends hung themselves this week. That totally freaked me out! I tried to imagine how they were feeling and then began to worry I could hang myself. I don't want to, don't worry I am not suicidal but hearing horrible news totally scares me.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

[PhoebeE]

I'm so sorry you're going thorugh this. I can totally relate to thinking about doing terrible things so that the panic will stop. That's horrible! I know I won't do that, but I'm so afraid that in a second of mind absence I will do something wrong.

Times in the past that relate to the present or the near future freak me out as well. I try to build safety nets, so that things will be different. Like making social arrangements. My husband was away for 10 days a few weeks ago. I totally panicked one time when he was away for one night only and I've been afraid that that will happen again. So I arranged a massage, dinner invitations, meetings with friends, shopping sprees, etc, so that my mind would be somewhere else. Like you inviting your mom over. That sort of thing.

I try to stay away from bad news though. I just cannot handle it at the moment. I tend to try to feel what those people must have felt and that's too much for me. So I don't follow the news that much nowadays.

Good luck for you! Take care.

[Gregor]

I think it is quite common then for people like us to not want to hear bad news, etc. I never watch the news (my TV's in Spanish anyway!), but i have never been a big news watcher, because i've never liked bad news. I think more so now because i'm in a sensitive anxiety state, it's best to avoid negativity in any way. Positive thoughts must dominate your mind. That is all i have to say!

Also, i'm sorry for you having to go through this. I know certain days which can trigger your panic are very difficult. Just think, though, if you can get through it with nothing happening, just how good will that be? Your confidence will go through the roof and you can do anything you want. Just think you've been doing so well this past year and today is no different.

Good luck.