Hi,
My name is Helen and I'm finding it hard not to cry while I write this...in fact I'm crying! The reason, I think, is out of relief to be on a site where there are other people openly discussing something I've suffered with for so long...I feel very shaky but the tears are subsiding...for now(no doubt I'll be off again in a minute - it doesn't take much these days!!!)
I've been suffering from fear anxiety and panic in its many varied and ever suprisingly new and original forms for over 20 years. I went to get help a few times but the first time I didn't trust/feel comfortable with the male counsellor they gave me and the second was taking me down the whole mental care route which seemed so long and drawn out and at the time I was younger and afraid of the whole process and where it might lead. ironically, if I'd gone that route (about 10 years ago) I may not be sat here writing this now, but hey, I am and I'm pleased to have found the site.
I've usually been able to get on top of my fears somehow - breathing related has been the most consistent but irrational fears of bizarre things as well as death/heart attack/stroke etc are all also included in my extensive repetoire! I've often used alchohol to help which I know is not good but also, just taking my mind off it by doing something else has usually worked eventually. Now however I seem stuck in this awful cycle of fear which is swallowing/tongue related (Ok, stop beating around the bush Helen...I'm afraid of swallowing my tongue!) I know it's irrational but now I've focussed on it I just can't seem to shake it(this one's been plaguing me on and off for a few years but never to this extent). It's been about 2 weeks now and is really really getting me down which is what has led me to this website.
Im living in a spain at the moment (I moved here 2 years ago on a search for a better life but it hasn't really worked out as I planned!) and can't return untill next year because of my daughters schooling. I have no real friends over here and live on my own with my daughter so I'm feeling very alone and isolated. I've had a lot of stress over the past 2 years, including moving house 3 times, having to sell my house in the UK, money worries and my son returning to the UK recently to study as there are no oppurtunities for him to do that here. The 3 of us are very close and it's been a dreadful wrench. It's hard to get medical advice because of the language barrier - even at the private clinics, which are very pricey, the english spoken is limited (understandable really, it is Spain afterall!) which makes me feel really reluctant to go with a problem such as this (it's hard enough telling your english doctor that you have such bizarre notions going on in your head!). I'm in Nerja near Malaga so if anyone can point me in the dirrection of someone who can help I would be very grateful - I don't drive so can't travel far.
I'm sorry that this is so long, I know that many others have far worse problems and circumstances. I just wanted to give a brief account of where I'm at and, yes, ask for help and support from anyone who feels they can offer it. I just feel at the end of my tether - I have to focus away from my mouth and my throat but it's so difficult, it feels like it's taking over my life. I'm not working because I don't feel I could cope with it. To be honest, just making myself go to the local shop is hard enough because of the feelings of fear/stress that come over me when I go out.
Please get in touch as I'm sure I can offer support (especially with my extensive experience!) as well as, very gratefully, accepting itI truly look forward to getting to know anyone who wants to reply. Thanks and keep smiling
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to NMP. It's great that you've joined. There is a lot of help & information here. 
DONT WORRY BE HAPPY
Originally Posted by helen719
