Whatever you want to call it I basically have this fear that overwhelms me and I feel it is going to ruin my whole life.
I have thought far too hard about mortality and existence, trying to find a way out of the fear but it has left me with the only answer being to do my best to forget. This does not satisfy me, the horror or meaninglessness of things just resurfaces at times when I really don't need it. It's ruining my life and may ruin my life right until it comes to an end (I have trouble typing that). I need to get past this, I need to so much. I need to find a better way to deal with it.
I fear that it is actually taboo to talk about it, that others feel like this and that not talking about it is how they deal with it, and that my talking about it will only make them feel worse.
Does anyone know if there's any sort of therapy that can help me with this? I can't go on this way, although I have no option. I don't want to have to drag myself out of reality in order to live my life.
I don't know if this has made much sense. It's hard to explain without going in depth into all my thoughts on it and I can't do this here.
Basically I can't live my life while having this awareness that ultimately things don't make sense and it's all random and meaningless. This stems from thoughts in childhood, where I promised myself that I would never let death happen, and that I would make sure to slow time down.
I need to get help with this if I can. Does anyone know anything that can help this sort of specific problem?