existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

[davidallsopp]

Hi befuddled,

I am convinced that at depressive/anxiety episodes in our lives we find the possibility of life being meaningless to be unbearable. I have felt this even though I am a Christian. I know I should be fine about death but it still scares me.

Most say we have to face down our fears - but I am not sure that staring into the abyss may make the abyss stare back into our souls.

The only solution is to discover meaning and purpose for your existence, this will bring security that you are not here by accident. For me that is God, but whatever you decide, I think there must be a purpose for every part of the universe and that includes you. Some folk don't mind if its all random but for sensitive souls this is a real problem, the very fact that you are worried about it proves that there is something deeper (have to think about that one!)

Plus remember the future is always better than the past, it the only place good things can happen.

Blessings
David

[Thumbelina]

Neil, I think you are a very bright young man and thats why you have all these questions. But unfortunately there are no answers to many of them and if we keep looking for them we will definately go mad. Many of us are trying to find and answer - why we have this condition. But there is no straight answer.
The only way is to accept the facts, live with them and get on with the fun part.

[BullLee]

Maybe not the most appropriate thing to say Befuddled but I'm delighted to find someone who thinks the same as me. I too have what I call mortality terrors. I am 37, married with a kid but I sleep with the light on and often wake up or jump up in the night with a shout and have to walk around the room or turn on the TV to calm down. The reality of death just hits me like a hammer and it's like I'm trapped and there's no escape, I'm just hurtling towards nothingness and I cant stop it. I'm studying psychology as a mature student and it has helped. I went to a really good counsellor about it and got the best advice. He encouraged me NOT to run away but jump in there and slug it out. Will that stop the inevitable? Of course not but you have to live your life.

I actually believe what you and I have is not a fear of death but of life. Go out there, live it, do what you love, appreciate how transient it all is and savour it now. I am also an atheist which probably doesn't help matters but I cant sign up to a fairy-tale just because I'm afraid. I wish I could but it's not in me. All I can say is, well done. You dont believe the lie, you are aware and intelligent. Now love what you have. Thats the price.

[Idstain]

i was exactly the same, to me it was the worst kind of pain, intuitively knowing that there is no real answer to "why should i even bother going on"

Thankfully i was recommended a video on youtube by a friend on mindfulness. When you begin to see your thoughts as just thoughts you realise that beneath that there is this peacefulness and joy at life.

I've gone from having alot of existential anxiety and depression to now enjoying and commiting myself to enjoying life moment by moment.

here's the youtube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc

good luck!

[NoPoet]

Hi all, honestly, my heart breaks for people in this thread. I know exactly what you're talking about, because this is the reason I am an anxious person. Yeah I know we all have stress and stuff that can trigger us, but I'm talking about the one true fear that hides in the darkest corner of our souls.

So what the hell do we do? Do we join Private Frazer from Dad's Army and shout "We're doomed, we're doomed" in a Scottish accent every time we think about death? After all, it's the one trial we all face.

Actually, I won't bother with the "We're doomed" stuff. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen, therefore the question is NOT "What's the point of living", but rather "What's the point of worrying about something we can't change?"

How do we KNOW there is nothing after death? Again, using logic and science, there should be nothing - but has anyone ever proven that? What about the energy of human consciousness - energy cannot stop or be destroyed, it can only change state, so Einstein himself acknowledged there is a case for existence after death.

And, if you think about it, what does it really mean to us if we do stop altogether? How is that exactly going to hurt us? I'm reminded of a quote from Angel:

ANGEL: People like you, who don't care about anyone or anything, will never understand the people who do.
HAMILTON: Yeah, but we won't care!

If you think about it... we won't CARE once we are dead.

Now I'm reminded of my all-time favourite quote which has helped me to make a lot of sense of things. It's another one from Angel.

ANGEL: If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.

Think about that for a minute. That's the kind of twisted yet somehow perfect logic that only a human being could come up with. If our lives are meaningless, we can MAKE them mean something! We were given that ability - we were given that basic fundamental right - when God, or nature, or the forces of the universe chose to elevate the human species.

I could live in a cave my entire life and pass on at the end of it all, having never made a difference to anyone or anything. On the other hand, I could end up carrying someone else's unconscious children out of a burning building, just because I happened to be walking past when their house caught fire.

Yeah, life seems hopeless at times, especially when anxiety and depression - the total, utter enemies of hope - are knocking at the door. But is it really all pointless? If so, why the hell would we be created, and given the gift of great intelligence? Fair enough, for every decent citizen there is a Katie Price bringing down the collective worth of the human species, but the fact is, there are laws and logic which the universe obeys, and no matter how much we surround ourselves with concrete and sit watching reality shows, we are subject to those laws and we can understand that logic.

I guess the long and short of this is, I will never again - not for a single moment - feel that life is pointless or somehow less than worthwhile. I don't give a damn what my anxiety tells me. Anxiety is DESIGNED to make me feel like shit. Sod it, what does its opinion matter? I live with it like I'd live with arthritis.

I am a human being, I was CHOSEN to exist out of billions of possibilities, and the major influence on my life after I was born (for better or for worse) is mine. It's the same for each and every one of you. It's not arrogance to think this: each of us was born with at least one major skill.

My brother, who is severely schizophrenic, has an outstanding sense of humour and is very artistic. He makes the people around him ENJOY THEIR LIVES MORE. I'm a good character writer and I also feel like I was SUPPOSED to spend my life helping people. I've had people tell me I stopped them from committing suicide - how has my life been pointless?

Now all of you, each one, look at your own contributions. Can't find anything? You're either not looking properly, or undervaluing yourself - or if you genuinely haven't done anything, which is highly unlikely, you still have plenty of time to make a difference to the world.

Idstain - I was told the other day by Anxiety UK about "mindfulness" - she said there is a whole industry springing to life around it. I actually forgot about that til I read your post. Thank you.

[cathy s]

Thats very encouraging Idstain, Thanks.

[chadwick]

Hi,
I too have experienced this kind of existantial terror, and it really prevented me from living my life.
I read Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now and after contemplating his writing had some great periods of freedom from this feeling - felt connected, safe and at home in the world and in myself - a feeling of being the 'witness' they talk about in meditation.
But I still had some troubles and got into 'spirituality' and
after a while ended up giving my power away to a 'guru' after having many blissful and painful emotional experiences which I thought were helping me grow/heal/live my life. When they weren't.
Since then I also had some obvious harmful 'interference' from some kind of energetic force and found some really great techniques on Phillip Goddard's site which I've found effective in clearing some of this existential terror as well. You can find the techniques here:
http://www.clarity-of-being.org/healing.htm
He mentions character types who may be affected by this feeling here which you might identify with.
http://www.clarity-of-being.org/character-structures.htm#mozTocId467023
Best of luck

[fordbird]

i cant stand the fact and hav safety rituals to avoid at all costs
i wont eat something if i dont like look of it, and wont ever let anyone cook for me or make me a drink.
im continually irritable i hate everyone n i constantly feel dizzy

i think it starter yr after my uncle died then i started gettin really bad last yr(bout a yr after dad died-which i havent got over)
they say if u havnt dealt with something it comes out in difrent ways so maybe same for u tho i cant see any proof as ive had mine for 10yrs and its escalated so bad now i hav severe depression ocd i get anxious n stressd bout the littlest thing and constantly feel detached and dizzy and hate my life.

tried pills therapy hypnotized and i guesss the best way is to do the exposure and response but its so hard wen thats the one thing ur scared of....what if!

[njoy]

Thank you for this fine thread. I was in a personal existential panic when I found this web site and am glad to see that someone has recently added to this thread.

All my life I have been anxious but about something I seldom hear people discuss. I am scared witless by God! I am also scared to death of the idea of living forever. Think about it, yikes! The only relief I've ever had from this problem was during a brief period of time when I was a teenage atheist. Lol, it didn't last.

Another odd thing about me is that all my life I have felt "spirits" around me and have never had any doubt that these were my dead grandma or whoever. Luckily, I've never had anything resembling a bad spirit. They are always quite cheerful and helpful.

I have had several occasions when, under duress of some kind, I have decided to trust that God is good and not out to get me. Every one of those times was lovely but unfortunately my core distrust soon reasserted itself.

Apparently many people in India have a similar dread. The very thought of living one lifetime after another gives them the willies.

I guess we all have the same problem to one extent or another -- nobody likes to feel out of control.

[The therapy centre]

We all are mortal. People deal with their anxieties and fears in different ways. The answers, if any, that you may come to, may be facilitated in a relationship, where the therapist can be present with you in your experiences, and help you reach your own answers. This is called existential therapy, and there are different approaches in America and Europe. It's important you find a therapist you can relate to regardless of approach, and who is person-centred and respectful enough not to give you answers but to help you find answers which are genuine and true for you.
Your awareness about making a pact with yourself as a child, of not dying, and slowing time down, is important too; and there are questions which can help you explore your own realities and find whatever foundation of truth is within you.