anyone think their anxiety caused/worsened by "controlling" parents

[lifeissweet]

Hi everyone, just a thought..
i am 26 and have been living away from home for over 5 years...

i have been seeing a counsellor (only 2 appts so far) for anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia (not housebound , just scared a lot)...

anyway after discussing alot of things with counsellor including stuff like how i cant be myself in front of my mum...she has sort of helped me see, that i am constantly going around anxious of what my mum will think about everything i do etc...and that she is basically still controlling my life (in a quiet subtle way).

i worry alot about people thinking im a bad mum because i have panic attacks/agoraphobia, that if i cant get out to park one day ill be labelled a bad mum....and i obviously HAVE to go and collect her from nursery, but some days i get myself so worked up on the way thinking i wont make it there, have images of her sitting there herself and social services taking her off me...but, in reality i dont think people think i, a bad mum, i am still human and am allowed to have feelings of my own.

i think its my mum thats made me think that..she is under the illusion that if youre a mum youre also a robot whos not allowed to have feelings.

i dont want to go on about it too much or itll end up a 10 page essay, but basically i just wanted to say does anyone else feel like they are anxious becasue of their parents or that their families just dont understand. my parents say "its just nerves and you just think too much " "pull yourself together" " you cant be like that when youre a mum" etc etc , anyone else had this too?? X

[sheba2]

Hi Laura

I can't believe how coincidental it was to read your post just now. I had a counselling session today that was all about allowing parents to control me and most importantly me expecting other people to be responsible for me. Sadly I am now 52 and although I have lived away from home since I was 18 I still feel obliged to behave in a the way that my parents expect. Only my mum is alive now and even though she is 89 I still get told when she doesn't approve of decisions I make.

As children me and my brothers were not really allowed to make mistakes. We were expected to be good and almost perfect. And what is quite scarey we really were. As an adult I have never really been me which probably sounds mad. I have always carried on behaving and being the person my parents expected. I chose a career that I knew would please them. I lived near them once I was married. They played a big part in bringing up my children. They were the sort of people who gave us a physically secure home. They did their best and sacrificed themselves for us. So why have I ended up suffering with severe panic attacks and agorophobia for most of my adult life.

Well I'm just discovering through counselling that my panic probably comes from not feeling as though I am the person I want to be. I don't even know how I want to be. Ive never really thought about it. The panic is the fear of life passing me by and never feeling ok about my life. I therefore am terrified of dying and having missed out.

I can't believe that it has taken me so long to get to grips with this problem and I know that somehow I have to start building the person I want to be and also really importantly learn to be ok with the person I become/am. I am beginning to feel so much more positive about the future and the panic attacks are getting easier to cope with. I hope that you manage to move forward too and that you learn to enjoy your adult life without the pressures put on you by your parents

[lifeissweet]

hi thanks for replying. my counsellor actually suggested that perhaps i distance myself from my mum..which is a great idea, cause when i think of not seeing her for a few days i feel relief!
i know that prob sounds terrible, but i do, its like i dont need to be a certain way, watch what i say or do...basically like you said, i can be who i want to be. X

[Mudskipper]

Hi there
My parents were excessively over-protective. My two different therapists have told me that this, coupled with the fact that I grew up in an isolated rural community, has led to an irrational fear of possible dangers in any situation, causing my anxiety and depression whenever I'm faced with something worrying. I do everything I can to avoid these situations with their dangers, real or imagined, consequently I've never flown or been abroad and limit myself to activities and occupations where I feel I can control the danger. Whether this is really due to my parents or just part of my psychological make-up which would have been there anyway, I don't know...