Woke up to depression!

[mothermac]

Finally have realised that anxiety and depression are closely linked and I am suffering from both!.
Have posted quite a few times about symptoms and scenario's in my life at present and have got some great advice from folk on here but lately I have felt so hopeless and I know I need some form of therapy-fast.
I am on the waiting list at my surgery for counselling and was referred way back in May,it is now nearly November and there is no sign,I feel abandoned in this wilderness!.
I have a nice husband,a lovely daughter and I should appreciate these things in my life and I do really but there is an empty space in me I just cannot fill and most days I wake up feeling very sad and lonely.I do not go out socialising as I have no friends(seriously) and do not work at present,every day is the same as the one before and I live my life through my husband which is doing my head in and his.He has a busy job and works as an account brokerage manager and is heavily involved in company projects and the last thing he needs is a smothering,suffocating wife,I am always ringing him and feel very uneasy when he is at work,god I used to work for Abbey National and have my own projects to do and look at me now.
He went out to the pub on Sunday afternoon with his mate as it was his birthday on Friday of last week and I rang him probably 9 times in the space of 4 hours,he came home merry but angry with me and I know he resents me big time and it's putting a strain on our marriage,I have a feeling that one day he will just get fed up of it and bail out and who could blame him?.
I don't live my life only his and only have housework and general mundane tasks to do every day,I used to love gardening but at the moment my back has a problem so I can't enjoy it.I am sorry to depress people but I just feel so lonely and bored and I can't see how I can change things.I went for an interview last week for a part time job and didn't even get a reply to say I didn't get it so that has made me feel quite worthless.I cry nearly every day and feel as though I am living in some sort of fog,I get up on a morning and feel numb from the word go,I do things on auto pilot and try and hide my true feelings(not succeeding on that one though)I am going to a family birthday tea tonight and even that is filling me with dread because I know it willbe all false and nobody there will think what is going on with me,I will smile and laugh and they will think everything is hunky dory as usual but really I feel like screaming my head off.
Sorry this post is long and crap but I just wanted to write it down but still feel as though I have just skimmed the surface.

[EK]

Hey there (newbie to no more panic)
Just to let you know that so many of us feel helpless in the world. I think its part of the human condition, nothing to be too concerned about. Also, don't get hung up on the "no friends" business, the whole having loads of friends thing is a myth. More than likely there are more people who truly care for you than you realise.

Also, to take your mind off things when your husband is out, try starting a small project. You don't have to go out of your way, maybe a vegetable garden (there are some really cool indoor veggie garden kits on the market now) or art or craft projects. Something creative and personal for yourself, something that you can develop and learn from. Even starting a blog can help (you don't have to publish it its just somewhere to store your thoughts).

Personally I find that boredom and depression go hand in hand and if I can avoid one I usually manage to avoid the other.

I hope this helps and I hope you feel better soon.