TERRIFIED, Can't Believe I'm Not Dying ...

[BNCfan]

The meds (Ranitidine) to limit the acid in my stomach aren't working, I've had a night from hell and this had been going on for over 2 months. All this reminds me of how my mother died back in '77. She kept going to the doctors and they kept telling her there was nothing wrong. Then they finally took her into hospital to have her gall bladder removed and found she was "riddled with cancer" - she was dead in five days. It's like a nightmare scenario playing itself out again and I can't cope anymore on my own. Even the way she was treated in hospital was appalling. I can't believe I can feel this ill and have nothing more serious than gastritis and acid reflux. I wish I had the courage to kill myself, because this isn't living, it's existing in hell. I can't beat it however hard I try. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP.

[bumbles]

How long have you been taking the tablets for reflux they take awhile to work. Have you got any family. Try not to attach danger to your symptoms as this will make it worse. I take it you have had all the tests for this I have and then we have to accept that we are ok to get better. I am sending you HUGS as I know how scary it is to be that frightend.

[LeeBee]

OK Helen.

1. It's not surprising that you are afraid, considering what you had to watch your mother go through.
2. That was 1977. Medical science has come a long way since then. Did your mother have the same investigations as you have had? It's much, much less likely that the doctors would miss something now than they would have then. Especially given that they know your family history, so will be SPECIFICALLY LOOKING for symptoms of stomach cancer in you. They wouldn't have been with your mother.

The fear is the thing that is making you feel so awful, and struggling against it is debilitating.

I don't know if this can help you, but you have to try to let go of the fear.

So much easier said than done, right? The problem is that your fear will never be satisfied; no one can ever give you a 100%, cast-iron, not-the- slightest-sliver-of-doubt guarantee that you do not have or will not have a disease that you fear. Such a thing does not exist.

So what to do? Your choices appear to be to live in fear (unbearable), to take your own life (what a terrible waste), or to do the precise opposite of both of those things - continue to live as long as you can, but without fear. How to achieve that is the tricky bit.

Rather than sit and think about your symptoms and the disease that you might or might not have (by the way, have you ever heard of Schrodinger and his cat thought experiment? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schrodingers_cat), go and do something that you like doing. What, at this point, have you got to lose?

[BNCfan]

Thanks Bumbles and LeeBee. I've been taking Ranitidine for a month. I had a Barium Swallow about three weeks ago and all they found was Gastritis and Acid Reflux. No, I don't have any family, I've been on my own since 1977, due to abuse as a child can't have relationships. I'm agoraphobic so it's difficult to keep friendships going - although there are people I talk to on the phone - the phone is my lifeline. I can't cope with the nights because I wouldn't dream of disturbing anyone, I'm so alone and literally TERRIFIED. Have an appointment with the doctor who prescribed the meds at 10:20, but I'm afraid she will tell me off for being a nuisance.

[HeatherMc]

Hey

Try not to worry I think stomach cancer would have showed itself by now, please do not think of ending your life, its just very tough at the moment, I was reading a book the other day and there was a quote that said sucide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. please if you feel that desperate phone someone.
Tell your GP how bad you feel.

Heather

[andie73]

Helen

I do exactly the same as you. My mam died of cancer in 1985 and my health anx is through the roof at the minute. I'm going to the docs at 10.25 this morning.

I know how hard it is when you are so anx about your health as I am in the same postion. Your anx and thoughts will be making your stomach problems worse. I know how hard it is when you are alone with these fears. My hubby is at work til 7pm, but at least I only have to cope til then.

Suicide is not the answer. You will get through this honest. Talk to your doctor, write stuff down that you need to say as I always forget things and kick myself afterwards. I am always in such a state by the time I get into the room.

You need to tell the doctor how you are feeling even the thoughts about wishing you had the courage to kill yourself. I don't think the doctor will panic on hearing this and ring for the men in white coats as suicidal people usually don't talk about whether or not they have the courage to do it. My ex partner committed suicide 3 months before we were due to marry. Suicide isn't about having courage, so I think you are just feeling really lost and alone with these feelings right now. But telling the doctor just how bad things are may get you some help. Just saying you feel really bad isn't enough, everyone's definition of bad is different. Voicing your thoughts will help to illustrate the depths of your despair at the way you are feeling.

Try to distract yourself from these thoughts as they are consuming you. I know how easy it is to let negative thoughts take hold, cos I am there right now. I was this time last year too, convinced I was dying, I'm still here!! Maybe you need some counselling for your loss, and if you have had some you need some more. You need to talk through this properly and once your fears are out there and thoroughly talked about they may not seem quite as scary.

Take care

[joyce1980]

Thanks Bumbles and LeeBee. I've been taking Ranitidine for a month. I had a Barium Swallow about three weeks ago and all they found was Gastritis and Acid Reflux. No, I don't have any family, I've been on my own since 1977, due to abuse as a child can't have relationships. I'm agoraphobic so it's difficult to keep friendships going - although there are people I talk to on the phone - the phone is my lifeline. I can't cope with the nights because I wouldn't dream of disturbing anyone, I'm so alone and literally TERRIFIED. Have an appointment with the doctor who prescribed the meds at 10:20, but I'm afraid she will tell me off for being a nuisance.

Hello there!

How old are you?

I think at this stage your are better off seeing a phsychiatrist as they are trained medical Drs who then went on to study the brain.

You will need to ask for a refferal from your GP, you must do this to help yourself, if you don't ask your gp, you will be giving up on yourself.

Make it clear to your gp that you need help, now.. stop treating the symptoms and treat the cause ie: your depression and anxiety.

Once you know your are going to get proper help it will get better for you and then when the treatment starts you wil slowly be able to have a life again.

Please make sure you seek the help you need, as i had to do this and yes it's embarassing but I am very healthy and happy now.
I am on medication and seeing someone.

Good luck.

[BNCfan]

I've already been referred to a psychiatrist at my local Mental Health Crisis Team. I think because of my age, 65, nobody really knows what to do with me. I've suffered from H/A since my dad died suddenly when I was 9. They just tell me I'm caught in the Valium trap - I've been on it since I was in my teens. I know I haven't dealt emotionally with the bereavements I've suffered or the abuse and think that might be part of the problem. I shut down emotionally years ago - partly due to the effects of the Valium - and can't cope if anyone sees me cry. After my dad died I was sexually abused if I cried. The psychiatrist is OK, at least he listens to me and doesn't treat me like some lower form of life, but I'm not due to see him again until next week.

[joyce1980]

I'm pleased you are seeing someone.

Yes, valium is addictive but that was not known so well when you were prescribed it years ago. It's a shame you now have to deal with that. It's not easy.

You sound like you feel you are worthless? this i would assume is because of how you were treated.. AGAIN, NOT YOUR FAULT!

Have you told you psyc exactly what you are telling us here? you could print out these pages.

Your not worthless, no one is, your self esteem has been torn down during your life by people who didn't understand or were just plain evil.

Back in the days my mother had ocd and anxiety/depression, however she kept her mouth shut because unfortunatly Drs in those days just didn't have knowledge and they shut you away, to be mentaly unwell was looked down upon.
HOW awful it must have felt to be alone, I am sorry you have had to grow up in such enviroments.

However now days there is an understanding of mental problems and Drs are starting to learn how our childhood and parents make such an impact on our mental health.

Just because your Mum couldn't take care of you doesn't mean it was because of you!!!! it's because she had a problem.

I really hope you try your best to work with your psyc and try for a nromal life. you are not too old, you never will be and your a human being and that counts, lots of people out there would love to be your friend and share time with you.
So do those people a favour, get better and go make friends with them.

There are cakes to be made and tea to drink, movies to watch and walks in the park to be taken,

[RosieXXX]

Hello BNCfan,

Really sorry to hear how you are suffering, and it is so much more difficult when you are on your own.

Hang on to the fact you have just been tested for acid reflux, and nothing life threatening has been picked up. The condition you have obviously causes nasty symptoms, and sometimes we don't all respond to the same medications in the same way - so it might be you will be tried on something else. Try not to be frightenend, we all know what it is like when the anxiety kicks in, and words of comfort are so difficult to believe, but try to keep level headed. You know we are here for you, so please keep on posting - we understand the way you feel.
I am pleased you will be seeing your psychiatrist soon - talking things through with someone you can trust with your feelings makes all the difference.