HI all,
Not posted on here lately as ive had a really good few days with so many more positive thoughts than negatives...untill today.
Ive been having tests at the hospital for dizzyness - had an MRI waiting for results, and an ultrasound showed that I have thyroid cysts....the ENT consulatnt also referd me to the neurologist in October, when I was told the wait would be 17 weeks. I called this week to chase it up and they fitted me in today with a Proffessor.
I woke feeling anxious and panicy as I always do with the hospital, my mum and dad came over to take me, and the waiting room was practically empty, so it was all helping with calming me down.
I saw the consultant, along with a nurse and a student doctor. As soon as I went in there he started bombaring me with questions, Id start to answer then hed but in again and keep going and getting me really flustered and making me feel really stupid.
I mentioned that I was also suffering with depresion / anxiety and his response to this was ' What - because of you Boyfriend?' - Where did that come from?? I said of course not! he then started saying well why are you depressed, and I just said I couldnt help it and wasnt sure of why Im like it - he just looked really sceptical. He went on to ask me where I worked, so I told him my doc has signed me off at the mo because of the depression . anxiety and he condesendingly asked me 'Well what do you do all day'. I had to fight back the tears. He was so condecedning, patronising and obiously had no understanding of mental illnesses. Making out that it was my fault and I should buck up out of it (Trust me - I think anyone with depression would lOVE to do this). He was trying to make me justify why i was suffering with depression & anxiety. It felt like the third Degree.
I think he just saw me as a lay about wanting attention - I dont think so.
He then asked me 'Have you ever done anything stupid to try and take you life'.... :( very tactfully put!
Everything he said was either sarcastic or disbelieving of me - He was making me justify everything as was constantly doubting what I was saying and had the nerve to say 'Well, what a story' at the end!
He then ordered me into the ajoining room to strip to my underwear with no explaination of what the hell was gonna happen.
the nurse went through and i asked here, and i basically had to wear a stupid gown top thing and have my reflexes tested.
His conclusion was migranes - and he'd write to my doctor. I pushed him (not litterally!) and sai that I was fed up of the headached (im having to take parecetamol every morning for the past few years) so he wrote a prescription there and then for me.
As soon as I got out and saw my mum I just burst into tears.
I felt so low. I was made to feel stupid and like a kid - I cant help having depression or anxiety - Im slowly getting better, but hes just made me feel so pathetic & worthless.
Im due to see my phsychiatrist on monday and my boyfs told me to speak to her about whats happened so she can help me work throgh it and not dwell on it.
I was in tears for a few hours, but am feeling a bit better now. Just drained.
I just didnt realise how ignornat some people in the medicall profession were.
Im sorry this post is long, I just had to get it all out.
Tatty B xx
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