Is jealousy and insecurity connected to Anxiety?

[kate H]

I seem to , as i get older, have real problems with trust, jealousy and security whilst in a relationship and i wonder if it is connected to my anxiety?

Ive never trusted men, whether it has something to do with the fact that my Dad had an affair behind my Mums back whilst they were married and is still with that women now over 20 years on after leaving us when i was 3 (we are still in contact and i still see my Dad)but i never completely let my guard down in relationships.

As a result i find myself over obsessing in and doubting the person i am with, convinced they are having an affair etc, i have to admit i have not always been perfect in the past and know how easy it can be which doesnt help. I am not in the easiest of relationships, my partner has just started divorce proceedings and he has two young children (3 and 5) i find myself checking his phone on a regular basis and freaking out at anything i find, this weekend i found loads of texts from her saying how much she loved and missed him and wanted to start again and she was sorry blah blah blah, he says he has saved them to assist with the divorce should he need them.

I wondered if anyone had any advice as to what i can do to remedy my trust and insecurity issues, do i need to talk to someone? Feel a little odd going to the doctors to see if they can help me.

Sorry if this seems a very strange post but you guys are all so helpful and supportive and you never judge anyone i was hoping u may be able to help?

Thanks in advance

K

[eeyorelover]

Hiya hun
Doesn't seem like a strange post at all!
I think that anxiety sufferers do have alot of insecurities and the fact that you have past experiences with trust issues doesn't help matters either.
I think it could also be an extension of the 'what ifs' that we plague ourselves with too.
What if he leaves me?
What if he goes back to her?
The list goes on and on...
The only thing I can say is that you have to just give yourself the time that you need to feel comfortable enough in the relationship to trust him whole-heartedly.
Trust builds over time.

(((HUGS)))
xxx
Sandy

[Paddington]

Hi Kate hun how lovely to meet you.I think you have a very valid point ..i am the same, checking everything ..looking for clues that dont exist.it can be exhausting and very lowering cant it!!?I have always been the same ..but then have always suffered with low self esteem and anxiety so it may go hand in hand..i think talking about it helps..on here i mean ..as you dont feel so alone and so ruddy daft!!It has a name too..morbid jealousy!Here anytime you want to compare notes hun Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxx

[flymo9]

I think jealousy etc does have connection with anxiety etc, as i have always had those feelings, tho think for different reasons to urself, but the trust issues are huge for me, in men and other pple. which why i think consciously or sub consciously i sabotage relationships before they let me down. xx so no it aint daft hun, xxx Mo

[kate H]

Hey guys,

Sorry hadnt checked my replies for a few days.
Glad i am not the only one that is a total jealousy freak!!
I have alwayds had lots of trust issues and it seems to be getting worse. I found myself sittingout side my partners work last nite to check he left when he said hew ould as a year ago before we got together he snogged a girl he works with whilst he was still living with his wife so i keep thinking someting is going on. How dreadful is that, i basically stalked him wot a maniac i am!!!

I think your dead right Mo i tend to sabotage relationships before they get ruined by the other person cheating on me. I can never just be

x