I have had some great times over the last few months, but today everything has really hit and I am completely and utterly overwhelmed by my panic. I am sitting in bed because I'm too scared to get out of it. I know that sounds completely pathetic, but I don't know what to do. I've coped with panic, anxiety and emetaphobia for years and years, but sometimes it just gets way too much to bear or handle and I come completely unstuck.

I managed to go on the bus by myself on Tuesday. It was a HUGE deal because it is something I haven't done in well over a decade. I didn't sleep that night - too stressed! although the being on the bus was, oddly enough, perfectly fine and I felt as if I were in a bit of a daze.

It must have taken more out of me than I had thought because since then I have barely been able to leave the house and everything has begun to overwhelm me. I had planned to meet some friends for a quick drink with my fiance this evening but obviously being unable to leave my bed placed a bit of a dampner on that(!) I am supposed to be meeting an old friend, whom I haven't seen for almost a year, tomorrow and perhaps also going to the lord mayor's firework display and hopefully remembrance sunday too... but it just seems like way too much right now. Despite the fact that I really, really want to go and enjoy it.

There are so many other things going on - uncle has cancer and is undergoing more chemotherapy, my work is ridiculously stressful right now and I'm piling on the pressure on myself too... the list just goes on (as I am sure it does for everyone).

I guess it doesn't help that after almost a year without periods, I started one today - feels like hell!!!!! - and I am sure other women might empathise with the agony/nausea/exhaustion involved.

I honestly don't know what to do. Sitting in bed too scared to get out of it, too scared to eat or even sip water... I really don't know how to make this situation any better.

All I can do is