Hi. My ocd has started confusing me recently, wonder if anyone can relate. This is really hard for me to write as i have a lot of my ocd around children etc, which is horrible, It is also very hard to understand, for me sometimes, so sorry if it is confusing, anyway here goes.
I have recently developed an intrusive thought of a penis in my mouth, this seems to happen everytime im near a kid. This thought has only started recently, and is obviously really getting me down. Sometimes i can have this thought, at random times of the day, when im not even near a kind. I couldnt undertstand why i was experiencing this thought, but then i noticed a trigger.
I have a very stupid habbit of blowing bubbles on my tongue when im anxious, so i put this intrusive thought down to this habit being a trigger. Anyway i have tried hard to stop this habit, and it was working well, then in work the other night i had a very bad time.
A family (two kids) walked into the restaurant i work at, i was fine at first and kept myself busy, and did not have anxiety, then towards the end of night they walked towards the counter, to pay there bill. As i noticed them walking towards the counter, i remembered about the intrusive thought i have been having, then i felt that feeling you get when you have an intrusive thought, that starts from your stomach and works it way up, you know the type of anxious feeling you get. Then all of a sudden i thought i noticed a feeling in my throat, this made the tought feel a lot more stronger, as i did not know what it was, or if i just imagined it, or whether it was just that feeling of anxiety you get, when you have had an intrusive thought, and i misinterpretated it in relation to the intrusive thought. I can not stop obsessing about the whole scenario, from the thought, to the feeling in my throat, even though deep down i know it is just my ocd.
I also have very bad mental reasurance checks, that i am trying hard to get rid of, for e.g. i will go home after the incident in work, and i will go over in my head, what happened at the time of the family walking towards the counter, for e.g. my manager was near me, the parents were with there kids, what someone might have said to me just after, what did i do after the family went, etc.
I have put a stop to the blowing bubblles, as i thought this may stop the intrusive thought i have been having, but i am very confused and could do with some help, on this. I have got an appointment with my therapist this week, but dont know how to explain this to her at all. The whole thing gets me down, and when i tell myself that its just my ocd i may get an uplift and feel better, but 1 hour later i will remember again, and then im back to square one. Please, please reply if you would as i need some help, thanks. Mak.
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hi, yes i agree with the others about this - i am currently suffering too, and it is hard, but these thoughts to me are just another aspect to anxiety, it doesnt really matter what it is that is making you anxious, like sometimes it can be the fear of being physically ill and at others it can be fearing losing control to a panic attack, and then at other times it is having these thoughts and feeling highly anxious because of them. the key is to stay calm and remind yourself that they are just thoughts the same as any other, and that over time they will pass. you have to try really really hard not to let them change the way you live, i have in the past and it has caused me alot of problems, so just keep going, they will go on their own eventually
