The symptom straight from Hell: Depersonalization

[monika]

I've suffered with this symtom for three years. It's actually the most painful part of anxiety. Some days I can hide the feelings of unrealness, other days it makes me so spaced out, that everyone wonders whats wrong. Usually though, its kept hidden.

I have periods where i dont have any anxiety or panic. The mild depression caused from the excessive anxiety is gone to...yet the derpersonalization and derealization still lingers.

It feels like im in a movie. Like me, my thoughts are in this one tiny tiny space in the corner of my mind, and thats all I know, and everything else is a stranger!


I know many people suffer with dp/dr on here, but i was wondering if anyone has had it for a long period of time, but then it finally went away even though they never thought it would. is there hope for me? will i make it out of this cloudy fog i constantly live in. My dp/dr never rests, but i just need to know if someone out there has had a break through with this!


sorry for the long post!!!

thanks

monika

[Bexstar]

I honestly understand everything you wrote.
I feel like im in a trance most of all the day.
I sometimes calm down and all my worries go away for some reason and my thoughts dont make my heart race. I dont know why at all.
I feel really empty walking around stores and at home and Im like soo miserable I feel like im going to die. The pain is soo bad!
Every day I have like 3 attacks which are soo horrible I cant even begin to describe. I feel worried now but the only thing that is helping me is breathing and saying things like 'this is silly' ' I can get through this' 'this is a phase'
I do suggest trying them out and see if they work. Try hard to think happy thoughts, and breathe in and out slowly and drink cold water and make sure that the place you are in isnt stuffy and hot. It makes it worse! trust me. The other day I had an attack and I had to go outside in the fresh air. I still felt bad but it helped my mind and I calmed down. I have trouble sleeping too. I cant sleep anymore I have these thoughts and attacks at night. I pray for both of us that we will heal. Its hard but I know we can pull through
xx

[BasilCat]

Monica, I have had unreality for 2.5 years!! I am just getting to the stage where it is not scaring me as much. Some days its better than others. I have had it really bad before today but it may just be getting a bit less. I think the more we try and push it away and the more narked we get with it, the longer it hangs around. Its trying to calmly ride through it that helps - easier said than done at times, I know. Also we need to be occupied with something we "enjoy" doing. And I think Bexstars tips help too. I have also noticed that when I am not focussed on me or the DP its NOT there!!!!! But its finding something that takes my focus off me all the time thats the hard part. But just take things one step at a time and try to have a laugh, tell yourself its "only" the anxiety and it cant harm you.

Shirley

[monika]

Wow Bexstar I'm really sorry to hear that you have three attacks a day! thats awful! But you're right about the stuffy room and water. The enviroemnt you're in can make a huge differnce.

BasilCat, I do think my dp/dr is getting better. Some days i don't feel it at all, and I feel stable and feel like i belong in my body. But other days its a soo much worse i thinik i'll never recover. And thanks for your tips, too. I find doing things like playing the piano or violin, that i don't focus on the dp/dr as much.

I just hate feeling like such an alien to my own body! When people talk about the future, or next year I might get the oppurtunity to travel, my depersonalizaton just makes me not want to do ayn of it. It makes me feel isolated almost.

thanks u guys

[sylvia1970]

Hi monika

I had the dp a few months ago, I still get it but not as bad since being on meds. It was so bad that I couldnt remember if my children were fed or even remember to feed them. I had to keep asking myself (have you fed the kids) etc. Couldnt even find my way home, felt so confused and out of my body, it was so terrifying. Anyway, my mental health worker, tells me, its to do with a "damaged core" so to speak. Its like not being connected in your body and being mostly in your head . He said dp is caused by trauma at a young age, where children learn to escape in this way, in order to survive. Unfortunately we carry this into our adulthood. He is working with me, to help me strengthen my boundaries because it is also a lack of boundaries that can cause this, everything is blurred because of a lack of strong sense of self. I think one of the ways out of this may be, to work with a therapist at resolving whatever it is that causes you to disociate.

hope this helps
sylvia

[Bexstar]

I still suffer from attacks. But last night I had something stressful happened and It knocked my thoughts out so I could sleep. My mum said I need to occupy my mind. Today I had minor-attack. Afterwards I felt soo drained and I just go back to my normal self for about an hour then it all comes back again. Im trying hard to stop these thoughts. Its hard but im trying hard to get help.

[BasilCat]

Hi Monika, So glad to hear your DP/DR is getting better. Mine is too. It must be or I wouldnt have been able to do a round trip of 60 miles with the car yesterday!! Glad to hear that playing the violin or piano helps to get your focus of the DP. It definitely goes for me when I dont focus on it. I know that isolation you talk about too. And this summer my family (and me) were all invited to Scotland on holiday with the In laws. It took me ages to decide wether to go or not as I knew I would be with relatives for a week that know nothing about anxiety/dp and I wondered if I could cope. After weeks of wondering what to do, I decided to go. I did cope but it wasnt easy. I have felt isolated though as no-one here understands anxiety/dp and I have lived in the pits of hell for 2.5years with no family back up.

Shirley

[monika]

Wow that's so good that you went Basil. It really sucks having no support from family though. No one really knows that i have it, and my sister can't sympathize because she's never felt how I felt.
I just hope that I'll make some more recovery. I hate not feeling like I used too. Thats the worst part-feelign like you've lost yourself. But hopefully when i come out of this, i'll be a stronger person!

monika

[BasilCat]

I was amazed I went too. I have been a driver for 25 years, no problems till I had the anxiety attacks in the car 2.5 years ago that led to the anxiety and dp. It does suck, having no support, I agree. It makes it hellish when no-one understands, doesnt it. Like you, I have hated not feeling like I used to and I have often felt that I have lost myself too. I think, that we will come out of this stronger people. This has been my 4th breakdown in 30 years and I have ALWAYS come completely out of them and felt stronger too. It just takes time as you know.

Shirley

[monika]

Yup. I think I have been making break throughs lately. I think I might try CBT though, to re-train the way I think. I'm starting yoga to, and a new eating plan, with lots of vitamins because I am very vitamin, mineral and oils deficiant, lol.

And it is hellish when no one udnerstands. My family asks whats happened to me, and say I've changed, but they don't get it, and I wish I could tell them ,but I'm ashamed of my panic disorder :( I feel like its something i could have prevented, and that im weaker minded because of it.

and thats amazing, that you've had four break downs adn you can recover. wow thats so great!

monika