Okay So I am back again letting all of you know that I am coping with the awful thoughts inside my head. I freaked out the other night and did imagery inside my head and forced myself to act on the thoughts in my head not really but just imaginary I freaked myself out and I relaized I am doing it to myself I am driving myself crazy mostly becasue I want an anwser as to why I am feeling anxiety towards all these thoughts inside my head. Truthfully I know that I wont be satisifed with any answer a friend, family member or doctor gives me so I decided to help myself the best way I know I can. Let me tell you first off that this has been ongoing for four years now and sometimes I wonder if it will ever go away or will it be something that will bother me til the day I die. I cut my wrist with a razor four times and let the pain contorl my mind for a bit but that didint work and yes it sounds crazy but that was one coping mechanism. I decided from there that it doesn't make sense to slice myself up it just makes it worse and when the pain subsides I am still haunted. I have focused on a more spiritual route asking GOD to forgive me and I pray everyday I know it sounds crazy to skeptics but it does make me feel better. Also, get out of your head and watch a movie, read, clean occupy your thoughts and concentrate on the reality of everything going on around you. I tell myself that I am not the person inside my head and one day these thoughts will seem ridiculous and unlikeley. I feel like I am fooling myself at times but i need to learn to love myself and so do the rest of you. Right now on a scale from 1-10 i love myself at a 2 but I truly beleive faith and good company pulls you through the rough patches.