struggling still - no way out

[pink]

Hello everyone
I'm sorry to have to go into everything again,
just got no one to talk to, I'm sorry for moaning.
Just can't get any peace, am off work for another 3 1/2 weeks but can't stop worrying over it. can't understand how its come to this, have always suffered from anxiety, lived my life worrying, don't know how to do anything else, so so tired, I can't go on like this. saw the occupational health counsellor through work 2 days ago and told her, she looked horrified and said, 'but your holding down this job' that things can't be that bad, but they are. Have gotten so used to holding things in, putting on a smiley face, trying to make people laugh, often at my expense, to like me. it hurts so much inside. all I see ahead of me are years of loneliness without a baby and pain, I hate myself so so so much. I can't put it into words. Got such sadness inside, no one knows, try to be strong for my mum as shes ill herself and I can't be open with this with my husband, we've only just got married, he's going to wonder why he bothered?? How can I bury all this again??
I'm so sorry for moaning, thankyou for listening
pink xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[change]

i'm so sorry you feel the way you do its awful for you but i hav to perfectley healthy children well preg with second at the min im not rubbing it in what im saying is i hav good eggs never misscarried i'd be more thanm happy to donate to you if that would be any help you deserve like every1 to hav happiness n if i can help i will xx

[Ryan]

Hello everyone
I'm sorry to have to go into everything again,
just got no one to talk to, I'm sorry for moaning.
Just can't get any peace, am off work for another 3 1/2 weeks but can't stop worrying over it. can't understand how its come to this, have always suffered from anxiety, lived my life worrying, don't know how to do anything else, so so tired, I can't go on like this. saw the occupational health counsellor through work 2 days ago and told her, she looked horrified and said, 'but your holding down this job' that things can't be that bad, but they are. Have gotten so used to holding things in, putting on a smiley face, trying to make people laugh, often at my expense, to like me. it hurts so much inside. all I see ahead of me are years of loneliness without a baby and pain, I hate myself so so so much. I can't put it into words. Got such sadness inside, no one knows, try to be strong for my mum as shes ill herself and I can't be open with this with my husband, we've only just got married, he's going to wonder why he bothered?? How can I bury all this again??
I'm so sorry for moaning, thankyou for listening
pink xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pink I think you should tell your husband how you feel, I'm more then sure he will understand and it will feel good to get it off your chest!

Try to look at things with the glass half full! I mean you've got married, somebody loves you!! You have a Job and I assume a house or flat! Some people have none of that, lots infact! Your doing great! =D

Maybe you guys should take a holiday and get out of your every day rutine for a while, even if its a trip around where you live!

[pink]

thankyou everyone for your help and kind words especially change for your unbelievably kind offer, honestly I can thankyou enough. I'm sorry for going on about it all so much, thankyou so much again, just nice to know some people are out there who don't judge and think the worse
pink xxxxxxxxx

[change]

welli hope you feel better and continue to do so & my offer will still allways stand so dont worry about that this sight is full of caring people that will help if we can how are you feeling now have the meds kicked in yet? xx