Coping at work!!

[shortstuff]

I'm struggling at the moment, and I mean struggling. I asked for a meeting with my boss today to let him know this - I thought he should at least be prepared. I can manage when all is calm and quiet and I can be in areas where there is no constant movement of people, but am freaking out in all other circumstances. Problem is, I work in a school which is busy, noisy invloves lots of people all wondering about throughout the day!!!

I have been adimant throughout this illness that I will not go on the sick - the routine of going to work is the only normal thing I have left in my life. It is still a place which I can go to AND actually get out of the car on arrival. This, in effect, is my last link with the outside world / my former self. I have been clinging onto it with all my remaining resources.

I am terrified at the prospect of having to take time off in case it makes the agoraphobia worse, then triggering higher anxiety and more panic, not to mention the likelihood of depression.

On the other hand, I am getting more and more depressed with every failure at work. Every time I have to run off to calm down somewhere quiet. Every time one of my colleagues has to pick up aspects of my job because I couldn't stay in a room. Realistically, I can not continue in this way. I don't know what to do!!!

[Dublin_Man]

do you have internet while u work ????????

i usually log onto a online snooker game , its free , just register and play

i find that it distracts me because im concentrating on the game etc , and just keep thinking u are not alone and it could be alot worse , think of the people dying of starvation and cancer and aids etc

we have at worst a nasty habit , thats it , just a bad learnt behaviour and no matter how u feel , it wont hurt u and deep inside u know that , invite it on when u feel it , ask it to come disrupt ur day and guess what it wont come

its difficult , i have it 11 years and have the same issues in work , as nobody can do my work , so if i aint there people dont get paid , architects dont get drawings etc so alot of pressure on me

we learnt to be negative and anxious and we can un-learn it with regular tests

[shortstuff]

I'm a teacher so no opportunity to take a mental break on the computer etc. I have a class full of 3-7 year olds demanding attention! I can manage the classroom part of the job as the kids are a fantastic distraction. What I can't handle is the 'out of the classroom' stuff. E.g. I can't walk my class up a corridor without panic striking, I can't take them out of school, staff meetings and courses are huge issues. There are loads of essential aspects of my role outside of the classroom - and it is these which push me over the edge.

I am trained to carry out risk assessments for almost every aspect of my job and the biggest risk at the moment is ME.

[Nechtan]

Hi,

I can relate to how you are feeling. Over 3 years ago I was feeling the same at work and it started to get so bad that I had to take sick days. Then I started getting guilty about taking sick days but just could not go sometimes so had to use up my holidays instead. When I was made redundant I was relieved because I felt the travel on top the work was not helping- I could be travelling anywhere between 1.5 hours-4 hours on top of an 8 hour shift. Like you say though it does not help and I actually went downhill fast when I stopped working. Not right away but after about 3-4 months.

Firstly you have done the right thing in arranging a meeting with your boss. When I look back I cannot believe I never did the same and instead just kept it to myself. One of the reasons for that though was because I had no idea what was happening to me. I knew nothing of anxiety and thought I had a viral illness of some sort that I just couldn't shake. But talking to your boss whatever the outcome will take some weight off your shoulders as it is no longer something you are dealing with alone.

You may need a break. If you have a break for a couple of weeks I don't think you will go downhill as long as you make a point of still going out. My big problem was that when I stopped working I stopped going out to but even then as I said it still took 3-4 months before I started to decline. A short break wouldn't do you any hard.

If you have not talked to your GP it may be worth doing. He may be able to prescribe something light to take the edge of things. From the sound of things you need something to help you through this period and if the doctor can give you something then that could be just what you need.

Another thing to consider is some sort of self help distraction. Like taking a self help book with you so that when you start to feel anxious you can have a quick read and it may calm you- this is what I do in the house. Alternatively an mp3 player with Claire Weekes or the like that you can put on for a few minutes to settle you down.

All the best

Nechtan

[feels_like_home]

I send you a PM. I am a teacher as well and can relate to how you are feeling. I feel safe in the class with the kids, but have a really hard time with meetings, an assembly, the staff room, class trips etc.

[giddy]

Hi
I'm a teacher too and went through something very similar to you when I was at my worst. I actually stopped going to staff meetings and courses altogether. I couldn't even eat my lunch in the staff room - I had to eat it walking round my classroom - at this point I started to panic if I sat still!! Luckily my Head and colleagues were really understanding and things started to get better once they all knew. I started going to staff meetings again and it was fine if I suddenly had a panic, I just got up and walked around at the back until I calmed down!! I also found having a bottle of water with me all the time helped, every time I felt the panic rising I took a swig. Doodling and fidgeting also helped. But supportive colleagues were definately the biggest help, they didn't make a big deal of my problems and we even reached a point where we could joke about it...'Oh, she's off again!!!'
I think its a really good idea to let your Head know and any other staff who can support you. I'm not sure about taking time off though, like you I didn't want to, because I was frightened I'd never be able to go back. However if you feel its what you need you should.
Have you been to see your doctor yet? Have you tried any meds?
Take care

[shortstuff]

I see my GP regularly with this and have been on Citalopram for 7 months now. My colleagues have been really supportive and I think that is the only reason I've managed this long. I haven't been in the staff room now for around 8 months and usually eat my lunch in the car as the classroom is a through-route to the playground.

I really don't want to take time off as I am terrified of the consequences for my own health! My GP is unsure what would be best i.e. he understands and agrees with my fear that going on sick could fuel the anxiety and agoraphobia further. On the other hand, he realises that the pressures of the job (even self-imposed pressures) are becoming impossible for me.

I feel that I'm in a catch 22 situation!

[shortstuff]

I'm dreading tomorrow. Had a text off the deputy head to say he'll cover me if I need a break. I'm so lucky to have people at work who look out for me, but its not the answer. I need to be able to do my job knowing that I can cope if there is nobody around to cover me - otherwise I'm going to come really unstuck one day or begin to rely on people too heavily.

I hate being like this - I feel like an utter waste of space . I'm sick of the constant exhaustion, existing rather than living, and worst of all, seeing the effect my illness has on others around me.

Sorry folks - just needed to vent

[feels_like_home]

I know what you mean about existing rather than living. I feel like I am doing that most of the time. I think you are doing great just to go to work everyday. You have a very important job and your students are lucky to have a dedicated teacher like you. Hope you have a good day tomorrow. Please let us know how you are doing.
Take care.
Michelle

[Patty]

Hi Shortstuff,

Sending you some


Hope you have a nice day tomorrow.

Best wishes xx