My story, not sure what to do.

[mestys]

Hi guys.

I'm 21 years old. Basically, I suffered from anxiety/panic attacks when I was 13 years old. I missed a whole year of school during this and had a home tutor. I suffered with Agrophobia which would lead to full blown panic attacks, this was all because of a fear of dieing. If i felt a small sensation like a pain or a slight dizzy spell it would lead to a panic attack. I went to a psychologist about 4-5 times and eventually I got better and my anxiety vanished.

Recently I've been suffering from anxiety. I've not had a panic attack since I was 13, this is because I know how to deal with them due to my previous experience with panic attacks. My anxiety recently started again because I've been having dizzy spells. I haven't driven a car for a month because of this and my job is suffering at the moment because I need to drive. I went to the doctors about this thinking there was something wrong with me, you know a brain tumour or something (typical anxiety belief). The doctor refered me to a neurologist and I had an MRI scan, had the results back a couple of weeks ago and there is nothing wrong. I thought these results would end my anxiety but it's simply made it worse. My relationship with my girlfriend is also suffering, I don't like doing things I used to enjoy like going down the pub with mates, visiting family, going for walks with my girlfriend etc. I see all these things as a chore, I would happily just stay at home. The may concern for my girlfriend is the amount of alcohol I've been consuming, she bought a bottle of vodka the other day and I drank most of it over a few days. I feel like I need to drink whenever we go out and do something, not because "i need a drink", it's just one of the most effective ways to relieve my anxiety/dp/dr. Ironically, the next day if I have a hangover my anxiety is 10fold. Now the anxiety in its self is something I can deal with but I've recently been experiencing what I believe to be Depersonalization and Derealization, It's pretty scary and confusing. The feeling of nothing is real, it's not a delusion, I know everything is real, It's just a feeling. Sometimes when I speak it feels as though it's not me talking again it's not a delusion it's just a weird feeling like I'm not attached 100% to reality. It's hard to describe but I know a lot of people here can relate to what I'm talking about. I wouldn't dare tell anyone else this as they would instantly think I'm insane. Now my fear is that I'm going insane or developing schizophrenia. Now the reason I'm posting this is because I just need to talk to someone. I'm seing a psychologist soon but I'm just worried they are going to think I'm nuts. I feel really down at the moment and I'm constantly tired and can't concentrate. I dread getting out of bed in the morning and I'm just so miserable and not a very fun person to be around at the moment.

Can anyone relate to any of this? I just want to know if there is any light at the end of the tunnel, I feel as if this will never go away.

Also I've just recently purchased the Linden Method, anyone had any success with this? I would give ANYTHING to get rid of this.

[fairyfloss]

hi
firstly before i forget,what is the Linden method? and secondly,yes i fully understand what you are going through because i am going through the same with DP/DR and i just want rid of it! it makes my anxiety even worse because i feel like im going mad but with reading a lotta threads on here,we should know that we are not.But its a vicious circle eh,bcause DP/DR feeds off our anxiety.Are you on meds?The light at the end of the tunnel is for us to think pos" eay said than done i know but pos" thoughts in time will come more and more if we let them.I am exactly the same though,i cant concentrate but some days are better than others,just need more and more of the good days yeah lol.I wish you luck when you see the psycologist,i think she will give you a more clearer picture on how to deal with things,perhaps you can give me some tips then haha if ever you want to PM me feel free x

[mestys]

hi
firstly before i forget,what is the Linden method? and secondly,yes i fully understand what you are going through because i am going through the same with DP/DR and i just want rid of it! it makes my anxiety even worse because i feel like im going mad but with reading a lotta threads on here,we should know that we are not.But its a vicious circle eh,bcause DP/DR feeds off our anxiety.Are you on meds?The light at the end of the tunnel is for us to think pos" eay said than done i know but pos" thoughts in time will come more and more if we let them.I am exactly the same though,i cant concentrate but some days are better than others,just need more and more of the good days yeah lol.I wish you luck when you see the psycologist,i think she will give you a more clearer picture on how to deal with things,perhaps you can give me some tips then haha if ever you want to PM me feel free x

Hi, thanks for replying. It's comforting to speak to someone who is going through the same thing, my girlfriend/relatives just wont understand so I don't talk to them too much about it. http://www.thelindenmethod.co.uk/ for more informaton, I bought it about 6 weeks ago, I was getting desperate and wanted to at least do something to help. It was quite expensive and I've not really tried it out fully yet but there is a money back gurantee. To be honest I can't see it helping and I kind of regret buying it. I'll give it a go soon and see if it's makes any difference.

I've never taken any medication for anxiety but my doctor recently prescribed me with Propranolol (Beta Blocker) and I'm a bit dubious. The doctor told me that it basically slows down the heart by blocking the effects of adrenalin on the heart, commonly used for people with heart conditions. Some of the common side effects seem counter intuative e.g. Fatigue, lightheadedness. Have you taken any medication? Seen any good results?

DP/DR is definetly the main problem here. It's so debilitating, a lot of the time I can deal with it but at times its so strong and this is what makes me anxious.

As soon as I see the psychologist i'll keep you updated to see if it has any impact on my DP/DR. Anyone been through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and seen good results?

I really want to get this sorted, my job/relationship could go down the pan if I continue like this.

Thanks

[mestys]

I've decided to post a diary in my thread. I'm getting sick and tired of this. I'm just going to go for it, i'm not going to let this stop me from doing anything anymore, i'll report here everyday. Sod it, I'm just going to ignore all these horrible symptoms and see what happens. I'm going back to work tomorrow, I've had around 3-4 weeks off work because of this and i'm worried about my job.

I find the mornings are the worst, when I wake up i've just got no energy and this is when I feel most anxious. I've decided to start jogging in the morning before work to help out with this. The car journey in the morning is just torture, it's probably down to the fact that I feel trapped and I can't just escape and calm down by myself. At the moment my girlfriend is driving the car (we car share to work). The ironic thing is a few months ago I would always drive, I loved it! now I can't even imagine myself driving the car to work. Driving is probably the worst possible time to feel anxious, you can't do anything if you're stuck in traffic, this thought scares the hell out of me.

When i'm at work i'm a bit better but my work productivity has really taken hit. My job involves seing lots of clients/customers this is another example of being in a situation where it's hard to escape. If i'm just sat in my office I can just go to the toilets/go outside for a fag (my favourite method) if i'm feeling anxious and calm my self down.

Anyway, starting from tomorrow I'll update this thread on what happens during the day and how i'm feeling.

Feel free to add anything to this thread. Wish me luck

[Claire79]

Well done for taking the bull by the horns mestys, with that attitude you're sure to be out of this in no time.

Have you ever read 'feel the fear and do it anyway'?, I can't remember who it's written by I'm afraid but I read it years ago and it was really helpful when I was overcoming my driving phobia.

Hope you continue to do well, I'm sure you will anyway
x

[mestys]

Hi Claire, thanks for posting. I just did a search on amazon for that book and found it http://www.amazon.co.uk/Feel-Fear-An...3258544&sr=8-1 . Lots of positive reviews, I just found a used copy for under £4! I've just ordered it, looks really good.

Anyway, I went to work today. As usual the journey to work was absolute torture, my girlfriend drove. For some reason my DP/DR seems a lot stronger in the morning and seems to calm down as the day goes on. I've no idea why but the more and more I face this situation with confidence the easier it should get.

My overall day at work wasn't great, I struggled to perform 100%, it's a lot harder than I first thought. I keep thinking that there is something wrong with me, I get bouts of dizzyness/tinnitus. I spoke to my doctor today and he's referred me to a ENT specialist so hopefully I can find (if) there is something wrong. I had an MRI scan 3 weeks ago and it showed there is nothing seriously wrong with me, so that is reassuring. As the day went on I got a lot better, working is a great way to put your anxiety to the back of your head, distracting myself from these anxious thoughts. I actually managed to drive home when my girlfriend picked me up (she finishes before me) and that was okay, I did feel anxious at times but managed to tell it to kindly f off This approach definetly helps, but it aint easy! Hopefully the more and more I do it the easier it will become. My boss is also very understanding about this which helps so much.

Anyway, I'm going to keep at it!