cancer and counseling

[robelros]

hello everyone. i have never posted on here before but i have read some of the posts and am so glad to have found people who understand how i feel. i really cannot talk to any of my friends or family about this. they will all think i am nuts, and sometimes i think that i am!

my health anxiety focuses almost entirely on cancer. it is weird because i haven't really had any "bad" experiences with it- i haven't watched a relative die of cancer, or anything along those lines (i'm 27, by the way). i'm not sure where it came from but it positively terrifies me, to the point of physical anxiety. in particular, i am petrified of melanoma. i have tons of moles and have read so many stories of young people who have died around my age from melanoma. i go to my derm regularly and she glances them over and says they look ok for now, but i always have the fear that they never REALLY know unless it is biopsied. if i could, i would have every last one of them removed , i don't care about scars. but i know that is not realistic. as it is, i am going back next week (just 3 months after my yearly check-up, i just cannot wait and want to ask her about a few that are worrying me again).

sorry for rambling on and on, but i wanted to know if anyone has tried any sort of counseling or therapy for this sort of anxiety?? i am at my wits end... i just can't take it anymore and don't know where else to turn. thank you so much for reading this and for making me feel that i am not totally nuts (or am i?)

[lauren6]

You're not nuts. Everyone on this board is here because of exaggerated fears regarding their health and most of us have one focus, sometimes a few. Yes, there is a type of counseling that works best for this, which is cognitive therapy. If this is impossible for you now, if you can't find someone who specializes in this, there are some great books specifically on health anxiety. Some of them even have sample conversations between a therapist and patient, where we can see ourselves and what we do to ourselves! Try to get a hold of some of these books. I post them every now and then but if you go down the threads, the thread says Claire weeks and other books (she is great for anxiety but not health anxiety and there is so much more research and new material since she died). If you'd like the titles again, I'll be happy to post them for you.

Regarding melanoma, yes, it can happen at any age but if your derm feels that they don't need to be biopsied, have some faith. They KNOW what the cancers look like. I have had about 4 biopsies and they all turned out to be seborrheic keratosis which we have all over our body, little brown marks. I also freak out about a new mark because I spent far too many years sunbathing and at my age it can catch up. Please try to reassure yourself that it is just your head doing this. Try to stop scaring yourself...get the books, they will really help because they're written by the foremost researchers of health anxiety.

[robelros]

Thank you so much Lauren.... I really appreciate your response. I know I am not nuts (though it is so easy to feel that way sometimes, isn't it?). I find myself getting so jealous of my friends who don't seem to have these issues- I always think how easy their lives must be, ha. Obviously I know everyone has their demons, but this one seems so particularly damaging to quality of life. In any case, I'd love to look into these books - can you repost the titles? I would like to try that, for sure. Have you (or anyone) tried cognitive therapy? Depending on how much it costs and how much my employee assistance program through my work pays for this sort of thing, I want to look into that as well, if it will help. I can't handle many more nights of staying up late looking online (I know that's bad for me anyway)...

Thanks again!

[Worrier]

Hi Robelros,

Sorry to hear about all the anxiety issues. I just want to tell you that I have hundreds of moles (and still more appear occasionally) and I do look at them but don't obsess over them. I am VERY careful when I am out in the sun (I live in Las Vegas so plenty of sun) and always wear sunscreen and keep them protected.

Changes in moles are very obvious when melanoma is there. I sometimes have small scabs or scratches across a mole and I used to really worry about it, but now have come to realise that I would know if something was really wrong.

We cannot change the fact that we are covered in moles but many people who get melanoma do not get it at the site of a mole.

I just wanted to let you know there are others out there with plenty of moles and I do understand how you feel because I am a HA nut myself but worry about other stuff.

Stay connected to this site and maybe come into chat and I think you will feel a lot better.

Take care of yourself
Worrier (Natalie) x

[robelros]

Thanks Natalie - I really appreciate all of the time people take out of their days to try and help others. And what you say makes tons and tons of sense. I'd say 85 % of the time, I totally agree with it - then, my brain starts remembering stories I've heard or read about, where people maybe go in for something else and have a really tiny mole removed that they thought nothing of. And it turns out to be 4th stage melanoma or something ridiculous like that. And other kinds of things like that- stories that make me think that this is such a sneaky, insidious disease that it can fool anyone, even dermatologists. I know that I need to stop thinking that way, it just so hard to train yourself to think differently, ya know? The irony of this is that my boyfriend is a medical resident - pretty funny, I know. A hypochondriac dating a doctor. All of my friends know that I'm a self-proclaimed hypochondriac, as does my boyfriend, and we kinda all laugh about it sometimes, but they have no idea to what extent it goes because I just don't want them to know. Anyway, I know that this probably sounds very familiar and I don't need to go on and on. Just know that I'm very appreciative of your reassurance, you have no idea how much! I will definitely stay connected to the boards as much as I can. Any books/etc that you know might be of help would be much appreciated too. Thank you again and take care of yourself too!

[vastano]

Hi Robelros

I feel exactly the same as you do. I think my fear of cancer started when my mum was ill with it many years ago. She is fine now and has been for the last 15 years but i think it must have effected me. Every pain or strange feeling makes me think i have got something terrible. I get so tired worrying about a particular feeling that it is only after time that i forget about it and move on. I am convinced i am going to get cancer of some sort. My current problem started on Sunday. I got a terrible pain in my back that lasted only for a few seconds. Later on in the day i got a pain in my testicle of all places! I panicked straight away and now my mind is focusing on that area 24/7. I have got a sore back now and stomach and i just can free my mind from this and now think i have testicular cancer. I was 100% fine the day before which really annoys me. I have had so many aches and pain and lumps and bumps over the years you would think i would be able to accept them but i cant. It effects my work, my wife and also my mum who i can only speak to about it as she can understand to a degree. I have a feeling i am going to be like this the rest of my life and it must just be in my makeup. I have a great book called Self Help for your nerves by Dr Claire Weekes. It is like a bible to me!

[robelros]

vastano - as you said, it is all too familiar! cancer has always been my big thing, i honestly don't know if i've ever had anxiety about anything else but in all my life, to be honest. do you start to feel better after a while, or does it take a trip to the doctor to make you realize you're ok? for me i have to see a doctor or i just can't handle it. i totally feel your pain with this and i think you are right -we're wired this way. my mom has been diagnosed with OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and i have to think that some of this is passed down. obviously not all the time, but i think i get this from her. in any case, i can see how your mom's battle with cancer scared the living daylights out of you- that is totally understandable and i'd feel exactly the same way. it does help to know that i am not the only one who goes through life this way (though i wish none of us did - it isn't fun)! thank you so much for the book suggestion - i will look it up on amazon right now and check it out. i really want to try and help myself cope with this as much as possible, b/c as you know, it is THOROUGHLY exhausting when you're going through this. we deserve better!!! thank you again and take care of yourself!!!

[vastano]

Hi Robelros - I am new to this site but even the short time i have been using it makes me realise there are so many other people in our situation which in a way gives me some hope. I went to the doctors yesterday and got checked out an everything was fine. I still have a sore back but i am guessing this is down to nerves and stress from the begining of the week worrying about myself. I have a wife and young baby and i feel so quilty feeling as i should stop being so selfish and concentrate more on them. Please do get that book i suggested. You will enjoy reading it as in a funny way it describes how we are feeling and you can relate so much to it. The author/doctor has written it as if she was in the room with you giving you advice. Let me know how you get on and take care. Cheers Stephen

[robelros]

hey stephen- i am SO very glad to hear that everything is ok!! i love that feeling when you walk out of a doctor's office with a 100% clean bill of health - even though you know it's always just a matter of time until the next panic. but for that few minutes, it is euphoric, isn't it? anyway, i'm glad it is all ok with you. i know it is probably hard but don't feel guilty -you didn't choose this and you don't have control over it. i'm quite sure that given your choice, you would absolutely choose to not live with this affliction - so try not to be so hard on yourself. i ordered the book from amazon and can't wait to start reading it - thank you for the suggestion, i never would have heard of it otherwise. i'm heading to the derm tomorrow to show her a few of the moles i'm insanely panicked about (there are about 7 on my mind right now- seriously!)... and i've decided that i'm going to ask her to remove at least a few of them, even if she doesn't seem worried about them. i realize insurance may not cover it, or all of it, but in my panicked state for the last week, i decided that i can't put a price on my sanity and i think it would make me feel better. temporarily of course, but at least then i wn't worry about them anymore. of course if she thinks they may be cancerous, i'll be in severe panic mode until i get them removed and get the biospy back. stay tuned.... thank you for your support!!