photo

[Under~The~Stars]

I find it really amazing how looking at one little photo can cause such a strong emotion... sometimes happiness, sometimes sadness, sometimes anger etc etc.

I just saw a recent photo of my ex fiance with his girlfriends baby... Even though we split up a couple of years ago, this caused a huge shock to me. It was really horrible to see.

Our relationship wasn't good, and getting out of it was the best thing to do, even though it was very hard. But we had been engaged, and he was my possible future - husband, father of my children.

It was a nasty break up, but even after everything that happened, after everything I went through... I let him back into my life. My choice. Sometimes I regret that, and sometimes I don't... But every now and again he would ask me to give us another go. It wasn't until recently that I saw a pattern forming... Every time he split up with a girl, he would come running back to me. I was his safety net. I fell for it everytime. I got sucked back in. Believing that I was "something special", that he really loved me...

He ripped my heart out, and stamped all over it. More than once.

The other relationships he's been in since me haven't been anything serious. But this relationship he's in now is serious. I'm finding it hard accepting that. In this case time has not been a good healer... I'm astonished that one photo has made me feel this way, and brought up so many emotions. My heart fell.

For those who know me and what I went through with this man, they won't be able to understand why I feel this way. But seeing him with her baby... I just couldn't stop crying. For a number of reasons.

Just had to get that out.

[Bill]

Hello sweet Louise

Photos can store such powerful emotions of happy or sad memories, of what is and what might of been and what we have and what we have lost. A photo can cause such sadness or bring back memories of pure happiness.

When I look at old photos of those I've lost, I am filled with a huge sense of sadness and the reason I feel it is because of the empty void that has been left with nothing to fill it in its place. I am sure if I felt happy and content inside, the photos would not cause me so much pain.

For instance when I look at a photo of my father, I can't feel happy even if the photo was of a happy occasion because he is no longer around so there can be no more photos of him or happy times to share. Nothing has ever replaced his loss so a photo of him will always make me feel sad.

I am sure though that when someone comes along to make you feel happy and content inside, a photo of your ex fiance will no longer have such an impact causing such powerful emotions because he will no longer feel important and will fade into the past as a distant memory.

In a way I feel I know your pain and I am sending you all my love to show that life will always improve for a lovely person such as you. I feel time does heal once new layers in our lives are found to heal our painful memories.

[happyone]

Oh hunny

what can I say except, I understand.

when you are completely happy in your life, photos like this will not make you so upset. if you were 100% happy right now, sure of where your future was headed, you would be able to look at that photo and think "Thank heavens I got out of that one"

You are strong hunny (you have told me this many times and I think "I'm not...I'm not" but you are right....and now I am right....if you see what I mean ) and you will get past this upsert. It is good to share hun.

You know where I am sunshine

Happyone
xx

[Lozzie]

Awww louise

We haven't spoke in such a long time!

I find that some things can upset me that are connected to the past but for different reasons. It is quite strange what can trigger these emotions off too.
I find if I see a photo or see a ex or something, I find it makes me feel angry. I don't get upset anymore, just angry that specifically one of my ex's (who was nasty to me) is happy and seems to have a good life now.
I know it sounds awful but with everything he put me through I just wish that his life was crap because in some way I think he deserves it. And for me to see him happy while I'm going through a horrible time doesn't seem fair.

I know that makes me sound like a horrible person but it is just how I feel after everything he put me through.
I will send you a pm louise for a catch up!
I understand how you feel though

Laura xxxxx

[sunshine-lady]

I can totally understand how you must feel, you are still hurting after the break up. Sounds like you deserve so much more than this guy was willing to give you.
Another thing to think about, is he treating his girlfriend the same way as he did you?
Please try to move on (not easy I know) There are many other men out there who will have lots of love to give and also the respect you deserve.
Take care xxx

[Under~The~Stars]

Thankyou all for being there, and for being so supportive and understanding

Bill, your words always help me. They make so much sense to me. Thankyou for taking the time to reply

For instance when I look at a photo of my father, I can't feel happy even if the photo was of a happy occasion because he is no longer around so there can be no more photos of him or happy times to share. Nothing has ever replaced his loss so a photo of him will always make me feel sad

This made me sad to read this. And you deserve loads of hugs for that I do understand that feeling of loss... Sometimes if the photo is of a very happy time, it can make that feeling of loss even worse... For what it's worth, I think your father would be very proud of you. You are a very caring person You will always have your memories, and your father is still around - he's in your heart...

I am sure though that when someone comes along to make you feel happy and content inside, a photo of your ex fiance will no longer have such an impact causing such powerful emotions because he will no longer feel important and will fade into the past as a distant memory

When I read the last part about my ex fiance fading into the past as a distant memory it brought a tear to my eye. I think I just don't feel ready to let go, but I know I have to... I spoke about this stuff with my counsellor today, and we have come to the conclusion that I miss out a whole load of the "grieving" process... Within 2 weeks of splitting up with my fiance I had met someone else... This pattern has formed everytime I split up with someone. It is not long before I am with someone else. Instead of taking the time to grieve the relationship, I move on to someone else, to replace the person... What I noticed is I have not spent any time getting over ANY relationship I've been in... I'm still friends with all of my ex's! Well, most of them! If I am to be completely honest, I don't think I would be able to put any energy into a relationship with anyone just now, as I have too many other people who are taking up my attention... It is all very complicated.

Happyone, thankyou for replying hunny I know you understand. You have been there from the very start til now

when you are completely happy in your life, photos like this will not make you so upset. if you were 100% happy right now, sure of where your future was headed, you would be able to look at that photo and think "Thank heavens I got out of that one"

I think you have hit the nail on the head... You are right. I am not 100% happy (far from it!), and therefore thinking of "what could have been" etc.

Thanks for replying Laura It's been too long!

I know it sounds awful but with everything he put me through I just wish that his life was crap because in some way I think he deserves it. And for me to see him happy while I'm going through a horrible time doesn't seem fair.

I absolutely understand, and it's sort of how I feel too... I think seeing him so happy made me so angry, because I put up with such a lot from him, and then he walks away and is really happy, and I'm left trying hard to sort myself out. And he ends up with the one thing I really want... A happy relationship, and a baby... Oh, it's all so complicated! I will not be waiting for him, and ready to support him if it all falls to pieces, I can't do it anymore. I just won't be there if/when he comes running back...

I will send you a pm louise for a catch up!

Thanks for getting in touch Have replied. Lovely to hear from you!

Thanks for taking the time to reply sunshine-lady

I can totally understand how you must feel, you are still hurting after the break up. Sounds like you deserve so much more than this guy was willing to give you.
Another thing to think about, is he treating his girlfriend the same way as he did you?

I am still hurting after the break up. Even though the break up was almost 2 years ago! It is just a very wierd situation... I should never have stayed friends with him after we broke up. It was the wrong thing to do. I should have said goodbye there and then, and left it at that. I have learnt a lot from this relationship... In fact, I've learnt a lot from all my relationships...

I don't know how he is treating his girlfriend, but I hope for her sake she gets out if he is treating her the same way... She has her son to think about, not just herself.

I need to be with someone who can give me what I want and need... I'm not going to settle for anything less. I may wait a long time, but it will be worth it in the end!

Lou x