Desperately Cheesed Off With Depression.

[freakedout]

I just cannot believe how hideously horrible I feel.

I am totally and utterly, thoroughly, massively fecked off with depression and the constant head thrash that comes with it. How on earth do you drag your body out of bed when it feels dead? Why bother to put food in your mouth when you cannot even enjoy it? Walking around like a zombie, totally switched off, not even wanting to be involved because everything seems so flat, dull, pointless. Why bother having a wash when you don't give a damn, everything is too much effort.

I feel like a slug, a scab, a furry dog poo (you don't see many of those these days), I am the lowest of the low.

Where do you get the motivation to carry on? Mindfulness and CBT, OMG don't set me off. You feel crap so you think positive thoughts, change your beliefs, then you are supposed to feel better. What a load of tosh. I have never been more mindful of how I feel, I accept that I am depressed and this is how it feels to be depressed........... then what? Nothing changes.

Bring on the ECT, somebody put me in a coma, whack me over the head with a baseball bat, I cannot stand this anymore.

Tomorrow I am not getting up. I am never getting up ever again. I will rot in my bed. I cannot do this anymore.

I am sorry to be so negative, especially for those of you who come here for comfort and inspiration.

No doubt I WILL drag my carcus out of bed tomorrow and feel guilty and ashamed for posting this but I need to get it out before I explode.

Freaky

[Bill]

Freaky

I'm Really sorry to hear how you're feeling but I can understand why. Your post though actually made me smile because so many truths were said except about yourself!!! I've been there. I know how you're feeling.

All I'd like to say is no matter what you think of yourself, I wish I could give you a BIG Hug for being such a LOVELY person! I just wish I could prove how SPECIAL you Really are even though you don't feel it and can't see it.....but it's There....because I can See it in You!

I feel like a slug, a scab, a furry dog poo (you don't see many of those these days), I am the lowest of the low. I Loved this! Thought it was brilliant! You couldn't be More Wrong or any Further from the truth dear Freaky..........and I certainly Don't think Freaky is the right name for you either! Please keep safe "precious gem"!!!

[Hope 2]

Freaky

Never feel guilty for sharing how you feel, nor ashamed.

This site is full of people who feel similarly.

No words of wisdom from moi..........I am not too fab me sen. I just got home from school run and have drank a bottle of wine already, just to cope with myself for the next few hours.

The thing is I reckon, folk like us don't give ourselves the love and care we so easily give unto others, now THERE lies the problem. We don't feel worthy do we.

If only we afforded OURSELVES the care, love, attention, loyalty, sensitivity and sincerity we give others.
Maybe like me, you have had these beautiful attributes taken advantage of too many times.
THAT is why we feel unworthy of even any care however small.

Message me anytime.

Jules xx

[ElizabethJane]

Sounds like you are very angry freaky which is good because it means you are still fighting. If you are at the bottom of the pile then the only way to go is up. From one fellow depressive to another you will find the strength to live another day.

[Yvonne]

Freaky

Oh the post made me smile as well --- sorry it was just the dog poo with fur on. You vented - got the thoughts out that's good.

You will get up tomorrow I know it and you know it. You will feel too guilty if you don't. You will continue to try to keep the thoughts postive as I do, (reiterated for 9 millionth time by therapist on Monday), you will do as much as you can.

It is an illness if only people realised that it's real - we definitely are not making it up - but others don't understand.

Actually sometimes wallowing in it is good I reckon - why don't you have a wallowing day - then stop wallowing. Just give yourself permission to wallow.

You will get through this blip as we do - you have done it before time and time again.

Take great care my friend and if you feel beside yourself then phone your therapist - don't suffer it alone.

It's the soul destroying illness that no one can see or hear - only we can.

Lots of love

[mick_uk]

Hiya Freaky,
Never feel guilty and ashamed for posting how you feel.
I didn't read it as a negative posting. I thought the first paragraph summed up how a lot of us feel at times.
Hang on in there. There's times when I've tried everything and nothing seems to work, and you still feel down.
Evertime I saw a light at the end of the tunnel it turned out to be an express train flying straight at me.
But it will ease, it will get easier.
Take care

mick

[Hope 2]

Mick, your train comment made me laugh out loud. Cheers !!

I think my humour and my best mate, has been my saving grace
I can ALWAYS rely on her to feel better. That and 12 pints of special brew.

Freaky,

You have had some top replies chuck, SEE your not freaky at all
I think like me you have to laugh or you'd crack up eh.

Jules xx

[freakedout]

Hello, (sheepish looks).

Yep I got up, better late than never. Thank you each and every one of you for your replies and hugs. I feel heaps better than I did last night, it was good I suppose to get it out of my system, thanks for reading and not judging me.

Glad I raised a few smiles, and yes I even cracked one on my own face reading back what I wrote last night! It was a moment of madness - honestly!!

Bill thanks for the kind words and hugs, it helps, keep smiling. I hope you are doing OK .

Hope maybe I should try to be kind to myself, 12 pints of special brew would probably help too, like you I am lucky to have an amazing friend to share those 12 pints with and who I can turn to for a chuckle or a sob sob. Having someone there who can drag me out of the depths of despair, I despise being a burden though and when depression persists I hate the idea it might drive a good friend away. She knows though, she understands, it is mutual. I am lucky. Hope you feel better real soon sorry to hear you are not too fab .

Elizabeth - yes I was angry, I think it was the backlash of seeing my therapist yesterday, he put me in a rather bad mood. I am not usually one for expressing anger so I suppose it was good to get it out of my system. Thanks for understanding, I know you have struggled recently with the depression too, I hope you are doing OK .

Yvonne, you know me too well. You know depression too well, you were spot on with the guilt forcing me to get out of bed. Thanks for caring, I know you know how it feels. I might actually have a day of wallowing, I spend so much time being naffed off with myself that maybe a day off will do me good. Thanks for the suggestion. I hope you are OK, lotsa love to you too.

Mick, thanks for not judging and for understanding too. I know it isn't just me, I appreciate your words it does help to know other's know how it feels. Glad you always managed to get of the way of that express train, gosh what a thought. Take care .

Freaky .

[Martin Ell]

Hi. Firstly don't feel ashamed or sorry for posting. You've described symptoms that a lot of people with depression go through. There will be people who find comfort by reading your post, because they know they're not suffering alone. You're very brave for posting how you feel. I know first hand that it's hard to want to go on, even harder to find something to go on for, but time and time again, we get through each day. I know that one day, you will be happy. Times are dark for you now, but hang in there, you will get through this. Get up tomorrow and face the day head on

[freakedout]

I know that one day, you will be happy. Times are dark for you now, but hang in there, you will get through this. Get up tomorrow and face the day head on

Hi Martin,

Thanks for your reply. I do actually feel better than I did when I started this thread although I suspect it will not last, it never does. It does actually help to read such a positive reply so thanks.

Take care,

Freaky