anyone else endure in silence most of the time?

[KOKO23CAT]

Was just wondering if anyone else does the same as me. I don't really suffer from panic attacks as such, it's more of an ongoing thing. I go through phases of being ok but i am definitley in an anxiety phase at the moment! I'm not very good at being under obligation when I'm like this, for example i work 3 nights a week and when i'm like this and i have to work that evening i get myslef in such a state during the day leading up to it. But it's a silent state if you know what i mean, i don't tell a soul and no one looking at me would ever know, not even my husband. i rarely tell hm these days when i'm having a 'wobbler' not because i think he wouldn't understand, he's great but just that its been going on for years now and i think he's probably bored of it! Also, on say like family occassions i tend to endure these as well. We've got my whole family coming for sunday lunch in a couple of weeks and i'm already trying to think of ways i could get out of it! Not that i actually would, thats my point. right up until the day and right up until after pudding i'll be secretly planning my escape until they all go home and then i'll be cross with myself for being so stupid and will invite them all again so i can go through it all again! I do this at work as well, spend the whole shift thinking up excuses of why i'll have to leave early but never actually do! Well hardly ever anyway lol

Sorry for the rant.

much love

[chbun]

Yes i do do this. I spend an awful lot of time thinking of excuses to get out of things and plotting my escapes. I find that these thoughts make my anxiety worse but I can't stop them. Like you - I rarely carry them out. On the rare occasion when I have - I felt quite depressed afterwards.

I am also a silent sufferer. I find it really hard to accept that other people don't notice how I am feeling. They never do though - even if I am in the midst of a full blown panic attack. Recently my therapist (CBT) advised me to start confiding in people about my anxiety. I don't know whether this makes it worse - I feel that people think I am mad- and are studying me for signs of madness! x

[claire m]

honestly you are not alone. I feel like this alot i like to be on my own because then i feel i dont have to be something im not. I hide behind my smile like its a mask but inside im crumbling.

[kirstymc]

I'm the same. I used to get panic attacks fairly regularly, mostly at night, but now it's like my body's so worn out through anxiety it hasn't got the energy for them! So now it's just a constant stream of horrible thoughts and emotions, but you wouldn't think it to look at me. I'm a student, and I still go into uni most days, and I laugh and joke with my mates. But in my head I'm trying my hardest not to burst into tears.

[Joseph]

I had a job that I worked in this small town and I worked with my father (actually he got me the job) and This is when My anxiety had really taken off I just got out of doc and Had lost my front teeth do to being drunk (I drank to kill my anxiety) and I felt that on top of everything that was hitting me, I thought that I had to live up to the title as a son of a mechanic we worked in a mechanic shop together and he seen his son being mentally destroy when he was good at being social with the truck drivers and I wasnt. I know he knew it bothered me. I would purposely find little jobs outside of the shop to avoid being social with everybody becasuse I felt I was embarassing him and myself. I was embarassed to talk to him about it and I felt I had embarassed him with the truck drivers and ladies up stairs in the office. I end up going to work drunk to be more social and I was untill the next day and I was hung over and everything was worse. maybe if i would have told him how i truley felt I could have gotten help then and things would have been better. I guess what I trying to say is bottling up any emotiom for a long time can be unheathly and hassardous. a closed mouth dosent get fed and repeated behavior that is not right with you only getts worse by avoiding it. You and your husband became one when you entered into vows so tell him as much as you can to lighten your burden. think of it as him taking on half of it. If he truley loves you he wants to know your concerns and will do anything to help his wife to gett better and live happy.

[krog]

Hi,
From what I have read, this is a common 'symptom' of anxiety.
When I tell people that I have an anxiety problem they do not believe me because 'on-the-outside' I am a fairly 'happy-go-lucky' kind of person.
As anyone with anxiety knows though, whats happening in your own head is the real story.
in some ways I use this as a positive issue because if we can go around putting on a brave face for the world then surely thats a sign that if we really try we can break the back of anxiety and start to believe that our external persona is and should be our dominant character trait.
(Wow that was all a bit deep and meaningful )

Cheers,
krog.

[PoppyC]

Hi all
I can relate to your post. On the surface people see me as outgoing, chatty and bubbly yet at the same time I suffer with Social Anxiety, which often can make me agarophobic! I have over the years devised ways to deal with all sorts of circumstances involving interaction with other people and ways to cover up my social anxiety. I plan escape routes too - I must have used every excuse there is for avoiding certain situations involving interaction with others. My CBT therapist encouraged me to tell people that I suffer with anxiety. I obviously dont go round telling everyone but only to people that I know. I have found others will tell me that they know of someone with anxiety and so on.... I have found this has helped. It has taken some of the burden off me. A problem shared and all that... It has made me less afraid of the anxiety too by bringing it out into the open rather than hiding it. I find sites like this one really helpful as I feel like I am not the only person suffering with anxiety and that does help a lot.

[finny12000]

hi koko
i was same as you ,it was well hidden and no one would have known
it struck me slowly and then bang i was living in a nightmare
i found this site during that time and posted how i felt ect at the time
i was given trazadone and still take it to this day and it enabled me to do stuff i wouldnt have done ,reading your post reminded me im not really
100% as ive a birthday dinner wednesday night and tried for 2 weeks to get out of it without success lol
what i have done last three years its make it known now how i feel
with friends and family and that does help also i try to take some control over what im doing where im going and if i want peace for a few hours
i take all phones off hook and switch everything off.
i reckon no one really understands what we go through bar ourselves
and ive made a point trying to educate ppl why we dont go there or
why we cant make dinner tnt and its not because were anti social its because of our condition
anyhow its tues afternoon and ive only one day left to decide myself
so time to act hehe ,one last thing is ive learned if i have a bad day then i have a bad day as tommorrow might be better and i think back to last good day i had ,it works for me ,if i dont sleep well one night i get up and think i slept well 2 nights ago so dont bother about it i will sleep tnt
anxiety is terrible but it can be conquered in time
and able to live a life

[PUGLETMUM]

yes i agree with finny that if you can remind yourself that you actually dont feel like this permanently then you can endure a bad day easier.

also i think that islolating yourself from social interaction is a big mistake - if you have ppl in your life that like you enough to spend time with you then i would suffer the anxiety - theres nothing worse than being recovered form your anxiety and having no-one to go out with!!! and i also agree tha tit is a symptom of anxiety disorders to feel this amount of tension in situations that we feel we may not be able to function up to our own standard we have set ourselves - its this constant putting on a front that causes this -you dont have to go into great detail with other ppl about wha tyou are experiencing - sometimes yo will be surprised to find ppl understand but sometimes you will ge tthe blank expression that means they dont - but you can jus tsay you arent feeling on top form and leave it at that - even no-sufferers know how that feels

[ailsajayne26]

Hi, sorry you are feeling so bad, I was exactly the same, noone could tell I was having an anxiety attack unless I said something, which i rarely ever didfor fear of people laughing or thinking i was mad.
As some of the other posts said I learnt to tell people as told to by my CBT counsellor, calmly just say oh Im worrying about this right now (i.e I cant breathe properly) and it really does work, I think its kinda like taking a weight off your mind! For me it was always well at least if collapse they have a full list of symptoms for the dr!!

I finished my cbt in aug 2007 and am pretty much fine these days and the first thing I do if Im feeling bad is TELL someone!!!

I really hope this helps!! x