Hi All. Ive been browsing your boards here for a few days and finally worked up enough to post.
I had anxiety for about 2 months when I was 13, but nothing since that. Now I am scared that I may have contracted HIV 3 years ago. I had never even thought of it until 2.5 weeks ago when I had a tiny pea sized lump in my armpit that was only sore to the touch. My GF said it could be a lymph node. So I googled it. Im sure you can guess what happened next. The lump went away in 4 days.
I was completely healthy (except for being overweight) until then. After reading the symptoms list, I have been continuously checking my mouth for any signs of thrush or spots. All I have is a white tongue, but Ive also read that anxiety can cause this. I have had mild Diarrhea now for a little over a week, but its only once a day. I also have a mild cough due to post nasal drip. I have not however gotten a fever, headache, or a sore throat, and I have not vomited. The glands in my neck and behind my ears havent been swollen either. I have not been able to sleep well at all and I wake up scared and anxious and Im unable to go back to bed. I wake up a little damp, but not drenched. I only can get 3-4 hours of sleep, and they arent together. Its an hour here, 20 minutes there. Nothing solid. When I wake up, its all I think about all day. I am constantly in the bathroom looking inside my mouth and checking my lymph nodes 20-30 times during a normal work day, especially my groin, which is now sore too. I sit for hours googling symptoms from my blackberry and havent been productive at all. When I think about it, I can hardly eat. I used to eat 3-4 large meals a day as I was 300 LBS. Now I usually eat a banana in the morning and drink water all day due to my dry mouth which gets a little red due to it. I usually can put down dinner, but not the portions I used to eat. My normal daily calorie intake went from about 3500 to 1000 (if that) I have lost 15 LBS in 2.5 weeks. When I think about all these symptoms, I get very worked up and red in the face and I feel really hot. I start thinking about my entire life and everyone in it and I almost break down and cry. I used to be known for always smiling and being cheerful and joking, but people have noticed Im much different and they keep asking my what is wrong. All I say is I dont feel very good today.
Everything in my life was going the best it has ever been before this. Now every day I feel like Im one step closer to nothing. I have no interest in anything. I come home and sit here scared, scouring for more symptoms. I dont talk to my friends, and I keep making excuses to my girlfriend as to why I cannot see her. I cant put her off forever.
Would I still be feeling this way if I had never googled the lump in my armpit and just let it go away on its own? I feel like I have every symptom.
I dont have anybody close enough to me that I can talk to about this without being extremely embarrassed. I have never felt this way in my life. I feel like Im trapped. Somebody please help me.
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