Hello -

I have been making a lots of good progress in addressing my agoraphobia - made it on the motorway, on a bus and was a passenger in a car. I felt like i was managing my anxiety and not the other way round. I felt so positvie and to be honest a bit euphoric that I was being set free.

This week I went on the motorway and was fine, coming home there is a point were the motorway stretches out and gives a fine view of bridge (not a big one) I took one look and got completely taken over my utter terror I had to vear quite dramatically to get off the motorway, I got off went round the roundabout and knew I had to get back on or I'd make it worse for myself and I did. Drove over the bridge and got home, anxiety subdued.

Last night I went out to a bit of a school reunion - bit nervous to start. Decided that the motorway was not beating me, got on but then got gripped by panic aweful waves and waves of terror, wanted to escape and knowing that the bridge was coming up and I had no choice but to go over it. Got over it, but shaking, etc. Picked my friend up and then had a shocking night. Felt trapped (as I often do when I go out with people- another way the agoraphobia affects me) Ran to the loo twice, sat crying in the loos to my husband for a pep talk) Then started to worry that just driving in my car would make me feel panicky. I said at 10pm I would have to go home, and everyone else seemd happy to stay. We left and I drove my freind home and then cryed all the way home.

I don't understand why this has happened - it feels like it has come so out of the blue.

I know this weekend I have to be kind to my self, but I am so cross with myself, becasue I honestly don't think I can ever go on the motorway again, ever.

As a treat to myself for the hard work and progress I've made, and becasue I've lost a lot of weight, I've booked with 3 other girls to go to a burlesque dancing class in the next city, this would have posed challenges even with the progress I've made, but I'm so worried that the anxiety will take over and floor me again.

sorry to babble.

Thanks for listening